Kimmel Begins Monologue About L.A. Fires Teary-Eyed, then Calls Trump and His ‘Scumbags’ ‘Vile,’ ‘Irresponsible’ for ‘Stupid’ Things They Say

KIMMEL: “Very nice. Thank you for coming. I’m very glad to see you. Thank you for being here tonight.
(Cheering and Applause)
As you know, it has been a very scary, very stressful, very strange week here in L.A. — where we work, where we live, where our kids go to school. We are back in our studio, which we had to evacuate on Wednesday. This is — that’s our building right there, the El Capitan. That is how close this fire was to our theater here. Many of us had to leave our homes in a hurry. Some of our co-workers lost their homes. That’s Hollywood. It’s — it’s been terrible. Everyone who lives in this city knows someone, most of us multiple people — families, friends, colleagues, neighbors — whose houses burned down. And the truth is, we don’t even know if it’s over. We had 100 mile-per-hour winds fueling this nightmare. As of tonight, the winds are back. I think I speak for all of us when I say it has been a sickening, shocking, awful experience. But it has also been, in a lot of ways, a beautiful experience, because once again, we see our fellow men and women coming together to support each other. People who lost their own homes were out volunteering in parking lots, helping others who lost theirs. And tonight, I don’t want to —
(Applause)
>> Get into all the vile and irresponsible and stupid things our future president and his gaggle of scumbags chose to say during our darkest and most terrifying hour. The fact that they chose to attack our firefighters, who apparently aren’t white enough to be out there risking their lives on our behalf, it’s disgusting but it’s not surprising. Instead, I want to focus on thanking those men and women —
(Cheering and Applause)
>> Because that’s all we should be doing. And we should never stop thanking them. That’s right. Our firefighters from L.A. were the first on the scene, without hesitation. They were out there putting out the fires as best they could. And then we had firefighters from other states coming in, from Nevada, from Arizona, Texas, Oregon, Utah, Colorado, Washington, Northern California, New Mexico, Idaho, Maine. Firefighters came all the way from Maine. We have fire men and women from Mexico, from Canada.
(Applause)
Very grateful to them. And to our police, our National Guard, our rescue workers, doctors, nurses, EMTs, the pilots working 12-hour shifts, thank God for all of you.
(Applause)
If you want to thank these brave individuals with a donation, this is a very good place to start; supportlafd.org. And I also want to thank our local news reporters, who reminded us how important local television and radio and newspapers are, especially in times like this. How are you doing, Guillermo?”
DIAZ: “I’m doing good, Jimmy, thank God, thank God.”
KIMMEL: “Guillermo almost had to come live with me. He almost had to evacuate on Thursday night. We had 19 people living with us and four dogs. It was unlike anything I have ever experienced. It’s so strange to look around your house and have to decide what you want to take, and then fight with your kids over what they want to take, because we had to leave a lot of stuffed animals behind. One of our producers, Hara, her families had to evacuate their house. She asked her 8-year-old to pack his most important stuff. This is what she found in his bag: eight pairs of boxer shorts, and I don’t know if you can see, that container has all of his teeth in it, his baby teeth. Apparently, he’s saving them up for the tooth fairy. It’s basically his bank account that he took with him.
(Laughter)
I think if I had to pick one thing I needed, I was thinking about it, it would probably be my phone. I downloaded that Watch Duty app, which I had never heard of. And, you know, when you Google ‘Watch Duty,’ you really have to be careful. You do not know what might come up. That was really helpful. If you’ve been to this neighborhood before, our neighborhood, you know that Hollywood boulevard is crawling with people dressed like superheroes. We got Catwoman. We’ve got a lot of Spider-men. There is so many Spider-men, Spider-Man after Spider-Man. And when the fires broke out here, those heroes did nothing. They did not help us at all. But then the real super heroes swooped in, the Aquamen, if you will. And I have to say, watching these pilots dropping water from planes, these precision strikes, I could watch this all day long. From now on, this is how I want to put out the candles on all my birthday cakes.
(Laughter)
Remember when hurricanes hit Florida a few months ago and everyone was saying the Democrats, the far-left secretly controls the rain? Well, I think we finally proved we do not, okay? A lot of big companies stepped up during this time. Our company, Disney, donated $15 million to the relief effort, which is really —
(Applause)
Airbnb is another great company, they’re giving free temporary housing to people who had nowhere to go. Thousands and thousands and thousands of family. The NFL, NBA, Major League Baseball, the L.A. Kings, the L.A. Galaxy — all pitching in. As are so many local restaurants and chefs who work with the World Central Kitchen. Two of those chefs are in the Pacific Palisades right now, making meals for emergency responders who are still there working. That is Susan Feniger and Mary Sue Milliken. Hello, Susan and Mary Sue. Thank you for doing this.”