Colbert on RFK Jr. Previously Saying Chicken Soup Is Treatment for Measles: ‘Get Ready with a Soup-Based Health System’

COLBERT: “Traditionally, the year of the snake is a time to reset. It’s about letting go of the past and letting go of anger. So, in that spirit, I am letting go of my past anger... 10 picking up my future fury, because our possible next secretary of Health and Human Services could be anti-vax roadkill chef and —
(Audience boos)
>> And CPR dummy that no one wants to practice mouth-to-mouth with, RFK Jr.. ’cause for a guy who’s supposed to know how to stay healthy, he has a long history with dead animals. He famously scooped up a roadkill bear to eat later, then instead left it in Central Park. He decapitated a beached whale with a chainsaw, tied it to the roof of his car where its decomposing juices rained down on his children’s head, and once claimed he had memory loss ‘caused by a worm that got into my brain and ate a portion of it and then died.’ Which means, if he’s confirmed, the FDA will have to issue new labels that says: ‘Warning: may be fatal for worms.’ Along with the taste buds of a highway vulture, RFK Jr.. Is also patient zero for spreading dangerous health conspiracies, like the idea that Covid was ‘ethnically targeted’ to spare Jews, the claim that fluoride may lead to IQ loss, and the debunked idea that vaccines cause autism in children because of mercury-containing preservatives. And despite all that, Bobby was on Capitol Hill today, interviewing to oversee all of America’s health agencies, including the FDA, the CDC, the NIH, and the centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services.
(Audience boos)
No, no, no, we’ve all seen the classic Jimmy stewart movie. ‘Mr. Smith Says Covid Was Ethnically Targeted to Spare Jews and Still Gets To Go to Washington.”
(Applause)
Jimmy Stewart. Jimmy Stewart fans. So what does RFK suggest should replace vaccines? He’s pretty vague, but he has said the treatment for measles is chicken soup. So, get ready for a soup-based healthcare system. ‘Mr. Reynolds, I have your chart here. We have your EKG results, and I’m afraid we need to start treatment immediately. Luckily, your insurance covers gazpacho.’ There you go. That was a hell of a walk. A long walk right there. If you’re alarmed about RFK Jr.. Becoming our health secretary, there’s a good chance you may be a member of his family.
(Laughter)
Because yesterday, the Senate got a chilling warning from his cousin, Caroline Kennedy, who urged senators to reject his nomination. Ooh, I love an old-fashioned Kennedy fight! Yeah, usually these things get worked out in Nantucket with croquet mallets until it’s time for oysters, gin, and the NDAs. Caroline is JFK’s daughter, and she’s had a long career in government and public health. She served as ambassador to Japan and Australia, where she was actively involved in promoting the HPV vaccine, which put Australia on a path to eliminate cervical cancer. Or as they say in Australia, (Australian accent) ‘Crikey, that Sheila Caroline Kennedy really kangaroo-kicked the carcinogen-idoo out of our ladies’ wallaby pockets.’
(Laughter)
(Cheering and Applause)
Kangaroo. Carcinogen-idoo. Was that even close? Yesterday, Ambassador Kennedy sent senators a scathing letter and went on social media to read it.

[Clip starts]
C. Kennedy: “I’ve known Bobby my whole life. We grew up together. It’s no surprise that he keeps birds of prey as pets because Bobby himself is a predator.”
[Clip ends]

COLBERT: “Uh, you’re not a predator if the animal you’re eating was already run over by a Volvo. Technically, you’re a scavenger. Ambassador Kennedy gave an alarming example of Bobby’s insane cruelty from his drug-fueled college days.”

[Clip starts]
C. Kennedy: “His basement, his garage, his dorm room were always the center of the action where drugs were available, and he enjoyed showing off how he put baby chickens and mice in a blender to feed to his hawks.”
[Clip ends]

COLBERT: “Okay. Okay, that behavior is disgusting and cruel, and it completely disqualifies him from working for HHS and for Jamba Juice. Plus, why did he have to blend up food for his hawks? They swallow their prey whole. It’s not like they’re up there flyin’ around with a nutribullet. Caroline wrapped up the letter invoking the spirit of their shared lost relatives.”

[Clip starts]
C. Kennedy: “Unlike Bobby, I try not to speak for my father, but I am certain that he and my uncle Bobby, who gave their lives in public service to our country, and my uncle Teddy, who devoted his long Senate career to the cause of improving health care, would be disgusted.”
[Clip ends]

COLBERT: “And we know that for a fact because of Bobby’s uncle’s famous speech.”

[Clip starts]
JFK (parody): “Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what the hell is Bobby doing with that blendah! Put the hamstah down and put a shirt on!”
[Clip ends]

(Applause)