TDS’ Kosta: RFK Jr. Had One Job at the Hearing Today, ‘Just Try and Sound Slightly Normal for Two Hours’

KOSTA: “He was putting baby chickens and mice in a blender? And ladies, you thought it was bad when a guy brought you back to his dorm room and busted out a guitar. Now, I’m not sure her statement will have much Sway, because first of all, blending food, that’s just how you feed hawks. If you ever looked in their nests, you’d see they always have a little nutribullet right in there. And also, we all have a crazy cousin. It’s the cousin rule of three: there’s a crazy one, a quiet one, and one that we secretly think is hot. What’s up, Stephanie? But for real, are there no stories where Kennedy interacts with an animal like a normal person? Just once, I want someone to be like, ‘Yeah, one time RFK went up to a dog and rubbed his Belly.’ Instead, every story is like, ‘And that’s when RFK kicked a miniature horse in the vagina.’ (Laughs) His vagina. But with all this baggage, RFK Jr.. Had one important thing he had to do when he sat down for his hearing today: just try and sound slightly normal for, like, two hours. Take it away, Bobby. What do you really believe about vaccines?”

[Clip starts]
Kennedy JR.: “I believe that vaccines play a critical role in health care. All of my kids are vaccinated.”
[Clip ends]

KOSTA: “Man, that velvet voice is good enough for me! What are you going to believe, his well-documented, decades-long record, or the thing he said today when he was trying to get a job? Besides, all his kids are vaccinated. He definitely doesn’t regret that, right? Right? Right?”

[Clip starts]
Kennedy JR.: “What would I do if I could go back in time and I could avoid giving my children the vaccines that I gave them? I would do anything for that. I would pay anything to be able to do that.”
[Clip ends]

KOSTA: “That is the worst answer to ‘What would you do with a time machine?’ that I have ever heard. You can’t think of anyone else in your family you would go back in time —
(Audience reacts)
>> And try to prevent... a shot from happening, Robert F. Kennedy Jr.? No one else? Which reminds me, you know what I would have done with a time machine? I would have gone back and make sure me and Stephanie weren’t cousins. Sup, Stephanie? All right, let’s get back on track, because Kennedy was trying to present himself as a new man, but a lot of senators seemed determined to make sure he didn’t run too far from his past.”

[Clip starts]
Bennet: “Did you say Lyme disease is a highly likely militarily engineered bioweapon?”
Kennedy JR.: “I probably did say that.”
(...)
Bennet: “Did you say that Covid-19 was a genetically engineered bioweapon that targets black and white people, but spared Ashkenazi Jews and Chinese people?
Kennedy JR.: “Uh, I didn’t say it was deliberately targeted.”
(...)
Bennet: “Did you write in your book, ‘And it’s undeniable that African AIDS is an entirely different disease from western AIDS?’ Yes or no, Mr. Kennedy?”
Kennedy JR.: “I — I’m not sure if I made that — “
Bennet: “Okay.”
[Clip ends]

KOSTA: “Jesus Christ, this guy has said so many things, that he can’t remember if he said black AIDS is different from white AIDS? ‘White AIDS is so bland. And they put raisins in it! Don’t bring that white AIDS to my cookout!’
(Audience reacts)
You guys aren’t sure how to react to the voice. This is the story of the hearing. Senators would question him on past statements, and he would deny them. Now, one senator, though, actually brought receipts. Adorable receipts.”

[Clip starts]
Sanders: “Your organization is making money selling a child’s product to parents for 26 bucks, which cast fundamental doubt on the usefulness of vaccines. One of them is titled ‘Unvaxed, unafraid.’ Next one is ‘No vax, no problem.’ (...) Are you supportive of these, this clothing, which is militantly anti-vaccine?”
Kennedy JR.: “I am supportive of vaccines.”
(...)
Sanders: “Are you supportive of these onesies?”
[Clip ends]

KOSTA: “Wow! (Laughs) I never realized how much I would enjoy Bernie Sanders talking about baby clothes. ‘And these little corduroy dungarees, why do they have pockets? A baby doesn’t need to carry around a wallet or car keys. Do you support that?’” dead.