Colbert: Every Baby Born in this Country Is a Citizen and Has the Right to Life, Liberty, and Pumpable Cheese

COLBERT: “It’s been a rough week watching the Trump Administration re-trample our norms and laws. But we just got a little good news, ladies and gentlemen, because this afternoon, a federal judge blocked Trump’s order ending birthright citizenship. (Cheering and Applause)
Yeah, baby! Blocked it. That means every baby born in this country is a citizen, and has the right to life, liberty, and pumpable cheese. This ruling came from Reagan-appointed judge John Coughenour, seen here embodying how everyone is feeling right now.
(Laughter)
Now, remember, birthright citizenship is a legal principle enshrined in the Constitution. And for Coughenour, this was not a close call. He described Trump’s executive order as ‘blatantly unconstitutional.’
(Applause)
Isn’t that nice? Isn’t that nice that it is just so blunt? Judges rarely talk that bluntly except in the landmark case: ‘Marbury v. you gotta be yankin’ my chain!’
(Laughter)
Coughenour raged, ‘I’ve been on the bench for over four decades. I can’t remember another case where the question presented was as clear as this one.’ And he wondered where the White House lawyers were when the order was drafted, adding, it boggled his mind that a member of the bar would claim the order was constitutional. To be fair, Your Honor, some of Trump’s lawyers are members of a slightly different bar.”
(Laughter)