Kimmel Reads His Producers’ Text Messages Obsessing on Luigi Mangione: ‘I Would Visit Him in Prison’

KIMMEL: “We definitely know who wins TIME’s sexiest alleged murderer of the year. That would go to Luigi Mangione, the suspect in the shooting of the CEO of UnitedHealthcare, who’s become the hottest cold-blooded killer in America. I’m not sure what this this says about us, but ever since these photos came out from his holding cell, his mugshot, someone found his abs somewhere online —
(Laughter)
Ryan Murphy right now is flying to Netflix headquarters in a jet pack.
(Laughter)
So many women and so many men are going nuts over how good-looking this killer is. There’s a huge wave of horny washing over us right now. It’s like where one of the guys you work with, says, ‘I had a dream about you last night,’ when it’s the Fed ex guy with the big muscles and rolled-up sleeves and you’re like, ‘Oh.’ But if it’s the bald IT guy wearing crocs with black socks, you’re on the phone with HR. It’s kind of that same dynamic. I’ve never experienced anything like this. These are screen grabs of actual exchanges between members of our staff and their friends, relatives, whatever. I’ve changed the names to protect the guilty, but —
(Laughter)
Lorraine C asks, ‘Do you guys think the UnitedHealthcare CEO killer is hot?’ Fran replies, ‘Yes, I love Luigi, I think he’s gay though.’
(Laughter)
This is an exchange between two of our producers, we’ll call them Elphaba and Glinda.
(Laughter)
‘My TikTok is flooded.’ ‘My mom chains going nuts. That’s my TikTok.’ ‘Everyone is obsessed. People are saying a New York jury has the power to find him innocent because we all love him.’ ‘I’m not mad at him.’
(Laughter)
This one is from Susie D. She got this text from her mother: ‘Am I the only person wondering that if the gunman had tweezed and reshaped his eyebrows, he would have never been caught?’ ‘Ha-ha, good point, his eyebrows are very defined.’ ‘Please tell me you’re obsessed as I am with this handsome CEO killer.’ ‘Yes, so many questions.’ ‘Like, ‘Can I fix you?’’ And Veronica says, ‘I need him so bad. No, like, so bad, so, so bad.’ ‘Okay, so, I would visit him in prison. And bake him cookies, maybe. Perhaps more, but I haven’t thought that far ahead.’ And it’s not just women. This is from the husband of one of our staffers: ‘Did you see the assassin?’ ‘Yessssss. I’m so upset.’ ‘Like, excuse me, LOL.’ ‘I’m about to be a jailhouse bride. ’cause damn, shorty is so foooine. I’m dead... or willing to be.’ And one more from a young woman in our segment department: ‘Texting all my friends in New York that I hope they get called to jury duty. God, I want to do jury duty so bad.’
(Laughter)
Well, at least it’s stirring up a passion for civic duty, I guess.
(Laughter)
What is going on?
(Cheering and Applause)
There are dozens of products for sale on Etsy with his face on them. There are lookalike contests. There’s Luigi Mangione crypto. People are making fan cams. You know what these are? I learned about this today. These are tribute montages like this.”

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KIMMEL: “It’s bananas. It’s like Hello Kitty is involved now. But I have to say, it does feel kind of good, we’re moving away from non-stop election coverage and back to drooling over a cold-blooded murderer’s eyebrows and abs. I think that might be progress. Maybe not. I don’t know.”