Description

"Despite my ghoulish reputation, I really have the heart of a child. I keep it in a jar on my desk."

"Build a man a fire, keep him warm for a day. Set a man on fire, keep him warm for the rest of his life."

"I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself."

"I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit."

"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."

"Tucker did it."

"Say what you want about the deaf."

“The most I can hope for is to die in a pose that confuses future archaeologists.”

“Sometimes I miss the people my characters were before I ruined their lives.”

"I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy."

"I have many jokes about unemployed people. Sadly none of them work."

"I hate to advocate smoking, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me."