"Why the Little Frenchman Wears His Hand in a Sling" by Edgar Allan Poe

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You will definitely want to follow along the written text for this one - the Irish brogue is not of my own contrivance, the text has the accent phonetically written into it! Unfortunately, even I couldn't always figure out exactly what the text was trying to say (e.g. "fait"? "purraty"? both used several times, I have no idea what they would be if written in normal English, a couple others besides), so oh well, I tried.

To follow along: https://www.gutenberg.org/files/2151/2151-h/2151-h.htm#chap5.8