Sherene: Jesus Saved Me from Suicide

Sherene: Jesus Saved Me from Suicide

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Dear Family, I'm sorry you haven't heard from me for days, because I've been intensely involved with a young woman who ran away from home in Trinidad. Her name is Rainbow, the 16-year-old girl in Trinidad that we talked about several months ago. And we were encouraging her and counseling her to hang in there. She was very suicidal at the time.

And she was in a very difficult and delicate situation, physically. Needing to be someplace safe. And she was under serious threats from her father. There was even a remark about a death threat.

I cannot repeat these circumstances to you at this time, but since you've been on YouTube, on the YouTube Channel with me, you'll remember what they were. But at this moment, I just can't reveal them.

Anyway, she was a frequent visitor, and we commented back and forth for a long time. And thank God. She had attempted suicide and failed. In fact, she attempted it several times, but she survived and found comfort in Jesus.

Thank you for all your prayers for her.

And here's a little more of her testimony, and what's going on in her life right now. And I'm appealing to all of you to pray for her and her family.

First of all, I want you to explain how you met me.

Sherene: Well, I was into the Internet and what not. Then I found your Channel on the Internet. I wrote down in the comments - the comment section - like, I need your help. I'm being abused. I'm being verbally, emotionally and psychologically abused and I feel like I want to kill myself. I feel like I can't do this anymore.

Clare: I need you to give me an example of the abuse. Can you do that?

S: I can...

Clare's sidenote: I've had to edit some of these things out, because of a personal nature. They really are something for Child Protective Services - it's not something I want to put on the Internet. I'm not going to cover the full scope of what she went through. But I'll cover part of it, so you can understand.

C: In your environment at home. In your living environment you said there was a lot of strife and you were constantly being hollered at. Can you explain what you mean by that?

S: Well, it involved my Albinism - the color of my skin.

C: Oh - the color of your skin, okay. She's an Albino.

S: My dad, he's rich but, well... He says he's not, but it's actually true. So, basically, because of that this isn't things that I can't have. And sometimes when I say that, 'why can't I have friends?' He's like, 'Who's these friends? Black people don't care about you. And these so-called friends you have don't care about you. And they're gonna leave you there, and you're gonna fail in life, and what not.'

And it's been that way as long as I can remember.

C: You mean, you weren't allowed to have any friends?

S: It's only when...this is 10th grade. It's only when I got into my last grade of school, that's the last grade for us. He started to be ___ But I thought it would be the right thing to introduce them to him.

C: Right.

S: He tells me that they are bad influences. That he doesn't want me around them. That I can't hang out with them and whatnot. So, ____ No, I don't want you around those people, so I would have obeyed and let them go, and then hung out with other people. And then he would say, "I don't want you hanging out with THESE people." And so, that was continuing.

C: yeah.

Well, here I'd like to say that, I think it's very important that a father knows who the friends are. In my own instance with my four children, I was extremely careful about who they hung out with. They still had friends, but I would watch and make sure that nothing was going on that shouldn't be going on when they were younger. Of course, when they get older you don't know what's going on, when they're not at home. But I would watch their behavior very carefully. And if I started spotting bad behavior, then I knew there was a problem with the friends that they had. So, I don't fault him for that. I think that's wisdom.

But to turn away ALL the friends is a little bit harsh, to the point where she has no-one else. That becomes a problem, because then she's isolated. And that seems to be the theme of the thing that was driving her to suicide all along. Was the isolation and the abuse.

And it's only because I love my children that I was so careful about who they hung out with, so I can understand how he felt about that.

S: I mean, I'm not saying that I didn't have my case of bad friends. I did.

C: Right. So there was some good reason for him to say, 'No, don't hang out with them.' Right?

S: Yeah.

C: But you had some friends that were not bad, and you couldn't hang out with them, either.

S: Not at all, no. I mean, when I would be talking with them on the phone, and I tell my Mom I'm on the phone. She asked me who I am talking to. "Mom, I'm talking to my friends.' And then she start yelling constantly. She'd start yelling and yelling, and I'm like, "Mom. I'm talking to them. Why would I lie to you about that?' And then after that, like every time she started that yelling and whatnot, they would never call me back. They stop - they don't want to hang out with me anymore. They don't want to talk to me anymore. They don't want to hear my Mom yelling.

C: Well, I have to say that I totally believe that, because I was on the phone with you, talking to you one day. And met your sister, you let me talk to her for a minute. And then she went in the other room and told your mother that you were on the phone with a friend. And I heard your mother start screaming. And then she told you she was taking your phone away for a month. Which she did do a few days later, I guess. She took it away for a month, and we couldn't talk for a month. So, I know that that's substantiated. I've experienced that. I've seen that.

You think this is just because you're Albino? Did she do this with your other sister?

S: No.

C: So the other sister was allowed to have friends.

S: She never did this before. But I realized that, like, only recently... she started yelling at her. But not as much as she would yell at me.

C: Yeah.

S: I mean, I don't know if it's because of my skin color. I hate to agree so, because mothers are supposed to love their children.

C: Well, do you feel loved by your mother?

S: At times, yes. Other times, no.

C: yeah. Well, I understand.

S: It's like she has two split personalities or something. One minute she's 'I'm gonna hit you!' And the next minute, she's like, 'How are you doing? What's up?' And I'm like, what is going on??

C: Right. Well, and she may have...she may have a mental disorder. You just don't know.

S: Yeah, but I can't tell her that. She'll get mad at me.

C: Right, right. And you know, I want to say that with Ezekiel and I. He had a problem. He had received a lot of blows to the back of his head. And what that does is, it causes the brain to hit the front of the skull, the front of your skull. And what that does is impair the way you deal with situations. They're more likely to freak out and lose your temper and so on and so forth. And who knows what she went through as a child. Circumstances...

S: She was abused.

C: She was abused - yeah. So, you know the cycle continues. The cycle of abuse. It needs to stop here. Because Jesus...

S: I'm trying to break that generational curse, Mom. I don't want that.

C: Right. And you know? You may be tempted to, if you have children, to holler at them. And I was, tempted. But the Lord go a hold of me real quick and He showed me that's not the way. That's not working, all it's doing is upsetting you and upsetting them. There's another way. And He taught me, basically, how to discipline them without making them feel bad. And we all need discipline when we're growing up. Yeah, but none of us need to be put down. Or told you'll never amount to anything. And I guess this is something you heard pretty frequently.

S: yeah...

C: And you've told me that at one point your father kept you out of school for a year? And told your mother to burn your uniform. What happened with that?

S: That's a long story... I really don't want to bring up. But...

C: Were you wild and misbehaving?

S: I'm not gonna lie. I had my misbehaving moments. But as soon as he talked to me about it the first time, I stopped. And I don't know what happened after that. I really did stop, and after that, it just took off from there. He's like, "I'm taking you out of school, and you're never going back there. Burn her uniform." And I'm like, 'Dad. I stopped! I'm sorry! I'm not saying that I didn't do anything wrong.' I've had my wrong moments.

C: Well, what did you do that he considered so wrong that he would take you out of school?

S: Because of my isolation, I didn't want to ask him to go, like to take me anywhere. It's that he didn't have time, or he will say, 'Okay, we're going.' And then we never end up going. Then sometimes he probably call and ask me a lot of questions as to why I want to go. So, I decided Okay. Let me not ask it. So, because of my isolation I wanted to explore. I wanted to go places. So, after school. I....decided to make out with my friends and I went to the Mall. And I know it was wrong. It was wrong. I didn't tell my parents where I was. But I ended up asking him if I could go to the Mall for an hour, and he did say 'yes' that first time, but after that... It was such a cool experience, I wanted to do it again. And then one time, I snuck clothing in my bag. And after school, I went over to the Mall.

C: Is that the reason why he took you out of school?

S: I was friends with someone at the time. Someone dear to my heart. My teacher ended up seeing us walking together now one time. And she told my dad. And then everything just went worse from there.

C: Right. I understand.

I just want to fill in a couple blanks here. I don't have Rainbow on the line right now. She was seeing a young man. And her father didn't approve of this young man. He found out. She was seeing him behind his back. And that's when he took her out of school, and he brought her home. And seriously beat her for having disobeyed him.

S: After that, he took me home from school. And he beat me so bad! I felt horrible! But how can I deny my feelings for someone like that, just because my parents told me not to?

C: I just want to add a little detail here at this point. At the time when she was on our YouTube channel, the young man that she is talking about here was also on our YouTube channel. And I have to say, I have never met such a young person that was so spiritually reliant on Jesus and prayer. He was a very mature soul in the Lord. He was kind of passionate and had a bit of impetuous temper, to say... to put it mildly. He was impetuous and strong. Had strong feelings. Which we all can have strong feelings when someone we love is being hurt.

But other than that, he didn't do drugs. He wasn't a drug runner. He didn't drink. He didn't carouse. I mean, he worked hard at a full-time job. He just loved her. He just wanted what was right and good for her. He really cherished and honored her. And I would look at that as marriage material. But then, the relationship was broken. And I think this is a great deal of what she suffers from right now. That she really cared about him.

S: ...as long as I wanted to ride then. But every time I asked to go somewhere, they tell me 'no'. And if I DID want to go, I have to go with my sister, and my sister stalk my every move. Just to be back to tell them.

C: Right. So, it was like your mother, your sister and your father were kind of in cahoots to watch everything you did. You told me that you were locked in the house. Your mother had the key in her pocket and that you could never go outside? During that time, was that true?

(Bear in mind, this was for an entire year.)

S: Yeah. That happened. I didn't like being inside all day. I mean, I was inside all the time when he shot me from school. So, it was very boring! I didn't have a phone, so there was no social media. No, I didn't have my phone. He took it away. And so, I was bored. So, I decided, you know, ....in the night. And so, I would go out and fall asleep. And I would be outside in the night, then. I would sit there, and I would just kind of think my thoughts and pray. Think to myself and console myself. She caught me a couple of times. And she thought that I was meeting people outside. And so, she started locking the door from me going outside.

So, I was cooped up in the house 24/7.

C: wow.

S: Because I think somehow after this. You can't expect me to go out in the day, where the sun can affect my skin. But I didn't talk to her that, because I think she would have understood. The kind of connection I really wanted with my Mom was... I would tell her everything, and she'd give me my advice. When she started yelling and reacting that way, always telling me that my father is right, even though he was wrong. And telling me that at the end of the day, my dad, and I disobeyed. And I understand that. When your father is abusing you, how can that be right? I wanted close relationships with them. I just... Felt like I was being pushed away because of their behavior. It's not their fault. It's not their fault at all. It's the enemy that's pushing them.

C: Right. Obviously, the enemy has been pounding you for a long time. And one of the things I want to say is that, when a soul has been heavily abused their entire lives. And they meet Jesus. And Jesus begins to love them and heal their wounds, they are in a perfect position to counsel other souls who are going through the same thing. And I believe, really, Rainbow. I believe that God is preparing you for a ministry. And that it will be a healing of hearts ministry, because you've been there. You know what it is. You know what it is to suffer. You know what it is to want to take your life. And you told me once that you got into such a rage over your mother and your sister - you wanted to kill them! And I can understand that.

S: Yeah. That was bad.

C: yeah, it was bad.

S: I really had picked up a knife and I was going to stab my sister so badly that she'd never... And when I calmed down, my Mom was like, 'Leave her alone! Leave her alone!' And I said, 'No! She deserves this.' And when I realized - what if I HAD killed them? Then they would have never have gained their salvation. Then I would never see them in Heaven. All my hopes for them in seeing Jesus would be nulled. That's why I didn't do it.

C: Not to mention the fact that you'd be going to jail and maybe getting the death penalty, yourself. For doing that.

S: Yeah. That's bad. I wouldn't have the opportunity to be saying this right now. That I forgive them and I love them so much. And I never meant to do the bad things that I did.

C: Well, I think that goes for all of us. There comes a time when it builds up so bad that we just explode. And we can still control ourselves when we explode. But some people can't. But we explode, and when we explode we hurt people. Mentally. Emotionally. Even physically. And that's just a symptom of being pent up. And you've been so repressed in your life, denied so many things. So many innocent pleasures that it was like you were incarcerated. It's like your house was a jail. And after a while, it's just... You cry out to God, but the problem... You're going through this, 'Why is my life like THIS? I can't take it anymore.' You know. And you get desperate.

S: And then at the same time, to me it's like, she doesn't even know. They don't even know that they're doing this to me. And at first maybe because I refused to tell them my feelings. It grew like that. I just got used to being inside, that I didn't want to go anywhere with them at all. Even though they would have invited me to come. Like, I don't wanna go. I'm okay inside. Like, I don't wanna be around anyone right now. I just want to be by myself. Because I feel like, I could just trust myself one way. But all that changed when I gave my life to Lord Jesus.

C: In what way did that change?

S: Well. It helped me see different, to take a picture, like. It helped me understand that killing myself wasn't the answer. It helped me to forgive and to understand that no one was born wicked. You're not gonna hear a little child say that she wants to become someone that robs back. It's always, 'I want to be a comfort. I want to help people.' And so, it's what others go through in life that, you know, what they become because of their faith. And that's how I learned how to forgive them. Because they, too, went through things. But that still doesn't make it okay to treat someone like that. But I do forgive them, because the Lord taught me forgiveness. He taught me to see the good side of them, rather than just look at all the negatives. And that has helped me a lot in making decisions. And becoming, living one step up from a child.

C: And that's beautiful. And one of the things I know that you are attracted to on the channel, as we talked about forgiveness a lot. And we also talked about suffering. How to endure suffering. How to endure suffering and offering it to God for the salvation of the other person.

S: And I've been doing that. Every night I go to bed. And I am down on my knees, begging for mercy for them, because the Lord doesn't take things like these lightly. And so, I decided I don't want to see them perish. I want them to see what Heaven looks like and whatnot. And then I just go down on my knees and like, "Lord!" I'm crying and I'm begging Him. And it's weighing - because it feels like something I wouldn't do, yet I am begging for myself to get out of this. I'm like, "Lord, please. Just have mercy on them. I know they're wronging me, but I just need Your mercy on them, please." I mean, it's like the next morning, they are nice to me. But then after that, they're back to normal. I never stopped. And I will never stop praying for them.

C: Right. Well, and that's what we're called to do. You know, when the Lord was hanging on the Cross, He said, 'Father, forgive them, they know not what they do.' And He'd been terribly abused by the soldiers by the time He even got to the Cross. Let alone what all the Pharisees and scribes were saying about Him. And one of the things that we teach is that we're going to be conformed to Christ. Our persons. We're going to experience the same things that the Lord experienced. And we are formed in His image, even as we live our lives. And when He comes back for His Bride, the Church, He's gonna recognize the ones who have suffered and prayed instead of lashing out and being cruel. Those who have suffered and prayed for others. He's going to see His image in them. And He's gonna recognize His Bride just by that alone, because we were willing to suffer for those who were abusing.

S: I just hope they turn their lives back to the Lord.

C: Well...

S: Really. What I really for them. I don't want anything else, except for them to grant you permission to help me. But also, to regain their salvation with the Lord, so that I may be able to see them in Glory, in Heaven. And know that they made it!

C: Alright. And I know that you would like to separate yourself for a season. But someday, you'd like to at least go back and see them. And spend time with them, as well.

S: Yes. I would love to.

C: And we would do anything to encourage you to do that and to help you reach that goal, when you are ready for that. How many times did you consider suicide, seriously?

S: Um. I've tried it. It didn't work. I've considered it probably more than 10 times. I was cutting myself badly. I tried cutting myself, but that didn't work.

C: You tried what?

S: Stabbing myself.

C: Stabbing yourself. Oh, gosh...

S: But that didn't work.

C: Okay. Well. Just to make it clear to everyone who's listening to this. This young lady was on for probably a good year and a half, and I took notice of the fact that she was threatening suicide. And my heart went out to her. And we started talking. And I told her there was hope. And to wait on Jesus, that He would help you. That's true. And that the Lord would show you what you had to do, right?

S: Yes, indeed. And He has.

C: And He has. And He's rescued you. And I really want those of you who are listening to this. I really want you to understand that you're dealing with a young lady whose had a profound conversion experience with the Lord Jesus Christ. She is totally in love with Him. Like a sister in a convent, she loves Him that much. And you don't understand. A person like that, who's willing to even die for the Lord, unless you've been there. And He, of course, wants to draw everyone into His heart. He wants everyone to know how much He loves them. But this young lady has responded with her entire being to the Lord's call, to do whatever He leads her to do. And I've stayed out of it, to the point where I've told her only to seek God and to seek His will. And that she would have a peace.

S: That's true. You did tell me that.

C: That you would have a peace - yeah. And that you would have a peace when you knew what was right to do. It might be difficult, but you would have a peace. And that under no circumstances should you take your own life. Ever. Right?

S: Yeah. And then I just stopped with everything and it got... After that, I didn't see the need to commit suicide, because I found Jesus. Because I found Jesus, I just loved Him. And it was just clear to me that suicide wasn't the answer. And so, I just started building my faith and my trust in Him. And then I just stopped with the cutting and trying to kill myself.

C: See, this was over a period of months. And you and I would talk, and I would tell you the Lord will deliver you. There'd be different situations that would come up in your environment that would be scary. You know, like your father threatening to take you to some remote place on the island, to move the family. And I told you just, if it's God's will, it will happen. If it's not God's will, He will prevent it. And the Lord did not allow him to do that. That didn't happen, right. And you were so frightened by that

S: I was!

C: I told you each time, you know. Wait on the Lord. Wait on the Lord. Wait on the Lord. And because of that, you're in a safe place right now. And you're able to get your mind back and understand what your life is all about, to some degree. And you've gone from being a little girl to a woman in a very short amount of time. Someone who was persecuted and abused, to someone who recognized that God lives in her. Christ lives in her. And that you have a life. And God is calling you to a life.

And to share with whoever is listening, I want to say that she is anointed. She is very anointed as a person of prayer. A person of intercession. She has great wisdom and great self-control. Most people would flip out and do whatever they felt like. But she suppressed all those feelings in order to wait on God, to see what doors He opened for her. And what doors He closed. And because of that, she's in a safe space right now.

Really, what need to happen, I believe, is that her family needs to release her. Completely release her. A situation with her father is very scary and that's the reason why she wants to be in America. She doesn't want to deal with that threat. And so, we're making an appeal. I'm making an appeal, 'cause I'm gonna share this on Vimeo. I'm making an appeal to you to pray for her. To pray for her deliverance, that she'll be able to be set free and follow her life. Follow what God has called her to do.

And I've told her, I will put you to work, here in New Mexico where we live. I'll give her a job and she'll be a busy lady. A place to stay and everything else. Right now, she just needs to be in a peaceful, peaceful environment and recover herself from the bondage that she's been in 'till now. It's taken her this far, but she's grown up. She's a woman now. And she needs to have the control of her life, so that she can make the right decisions under the Lord. And she'll come to me and ask me, 'What do you think about this? And what do you think about that?' And sometimes I just don't have an answer, so I tell her we just have to wait on God and see what He does. Is that correct?

S: That's true. It's kinda really hard. Especially when you have like, a mental health disorder, like bi-polar. And are accustomed to one way, and the Lord just takes you out of your comfort zone. And He puts you in another. When you really look at this, it's the best thing. And it's like the best blessing.

C: Right. And the Lord has made a way. The Lord has made a way where there was no way. Part of this is an appeal to the parents. And especially the mother, 'cause she has full custody, even though the father tries to usurp that authority. And make decision for the family. He does not have custody. And she just wants to be set free. And basically, in Trinidad, I know there is a rule about that. And it involves a person at least 16 years old or older. And able to take care of themselves. Able to provide a place to live for themselves and what have you. And at this point, I have a job for her where we are in New Mexico. And I would definitely make her substantially self-sufficient. And all of this is in the Lord's hands, on how He wants to accomplish this. But I'm just asking for all of you to pray for her and for her family, who is grieving. But pray especially that there is a resolution that is healthy all the way around.

God bless you Heartdwellers. Thank you so much for your prayers.

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