Pride... Again

Pride... Again

Thank you, dear Jesus, for Your mercy and kindness in teaching and forgiving us when we go our own way. Please forgive me, Lord. Amen.

Dear Family, I could feel a distance between the Lord and I yesterday as I sat down to work on part 2 of the Body and Blood of Jesus message. I remembered something I needed in the kitchen. So, I got up to get it from my computer, caught my foot in a wire and came slamming down on the hard tile floor. Which is cement underneath the tile, right? And it hurt. And I mean it really hurt.

And I know, when the Lord sticks His proverbial foot out in the aisle, because I didn't get the whisper in the ear, nor the tap on the shoulder, nor the gentle push... He allows a nasty fall.

So, bingo! I knew I was missing something major. There were several injuries to nurse, and I felt almost like I'd been thrown out of a car window and had ice packs in 5 different areas of my body. 'Wow, this must be a really important lesson', I thought to myself.

I was so disoriented afterwards that I just couldn't connect. So, when I woke up this morning, I was still out of it, and getting in and out of hot water several times, just to be able to pray without crippling pain. I managed through a few hours of prayer.

Then I got a Rhema card about worshipping, and so I entered into worship. And the time was difficult at first, but then finally, I saw Jesus and I dancing together to a holy song. I was wearing a lovely, pale, pink-rose dress and He had on a white shirt and pants, and we were dancing ever so smoothly. At one point, I realized my cheek was resting against His chin and He had a look of such satisfaction on His face. He was so happy to have me there. It was a very sweet moment.

A little while later, when I came into prayer, I asked Him this question, "Lord, please. Where am I at with You right now? I felt You when we were dancing, and that was so sweet, and You felt so happy and satisfied. But right now, I feel alone again... Please do not leave me without the consolation of Your words and directions. Please?"

The Lord replied, "If you have time for Me, Clare, I have time for you."

And I... He was kind of reading my mind, because I was thinking of you guys, and thinking I needed to get that message up--the second part of The Body and Blood. Because it goes so perfectly with the first part. And it definitely clarifies some issues.

"I know there is a part of me that is chafing at the bit to get going, to get the message up, to play music. But when I feel empty and don't have You, Jesus, I can't do anything. So, I spend the whole day trying to reach You and then ...

"Please, Lord. I feel so lost. Tell me how I have offended You?"

And it was given to me something about Pride. And I thought, 'Okay. That's great--because I don't see it. I don't see that, you know, the exact thing. I know there's Pride, I can feel it sometimes. But I didn't see the particular thing that He was pointing to.

So, I told Him, "I don't see it, because I know I am blind. Sometimes I feel it...but then I'm not sure. Please break through, Jesus. This hurts too much..."

I thought for a moment about cooking caramel... I was desperate, and it is one of those small pleasures in the midst of very hard day--and on top of all that, I was dopey.

So, I thought, 'Okay. There's the caramel. There's the trip to the store for a present for someone that I didn't feel could be avoided. And then I felt like I shouldn't be IN that store. Umm... Oh yeah, there's the purple flowers that I got and put in pots. The seeds that I got and put in pots.'

So, there are a few things that it could possibly have hurt the Lord. And I think I shared with you... I know I shared with you a couple days ago, the big temptation that I had with the purple flowers. They are so beautiful. And I'd had failure with the other seeds that came in, so I tried to rationalize myself. 'Well, since they didn't grow, I think it's only fair that I should try and get some more.'

So, you can see. I am just like a little kid, trying to make excuses for they behavior and squirm out of things. I think it's one of the reasons why He's using me this way. I am loaded with flaws. All kinds of flaws.

So, I said, 'Please tell me how I've offended You?'

Jesus answered me, "I love you. "

I know You do, Lord.

"No. I really, really love you and am trying to stretch you out of yourself a bit. There are always consequences to indulging your flesh. Always."

And--well, we call it compulsiveness, because I think we're kind of past the point of having sexual sins around here, being as old as we are. But when we get Sexual Sins in the Bible Promises, it's about being Compulsive/Addicted and lusting after things. You know, like Lust. Lusting after having this, lusting after having that. He was recounting to me what He saw when I opened the Bible Promises: Sexual Sins and Compulsiveness.

"So, there you have it." He answered. "You build a wedge when you go off in your own direction, lusting after things. How can we do anything together when your mind is on the flesh?"

Lord, I am sick and weak. To trade a few purple flowers and some caramel for Your company is ridiculous.

"Yes, very." He answered. "And that is why I have to discipline you, to get it across to you, Clare, that you can't do these things. You have to choose the higher road, not the lower road. You always have to choose the higher way. They threw the bait at you with extra curses--and you took it."

Lord, I was too weak.

"And where have I told you these falls come from? This weakness? How do you get uncovered so that a fall will happen?"

Pride?

"Yes, Pride. Wanting your own way. Reasoning it out in your mind as the best way. Spending money when you knew you shouldn't have been in that store, even for the gift? I wanted you to leave that place, because it was dangerous for you, but you didn't listen to Me--and you fell."

I ended up getting some couple of pens for my Rhema cards that I could have lived without...

"You see, when you have a spate of doing things your way and not being sensitive to My counsel, that is Pride. You over-estimate your ability to stay out of trouble in places like that."

Oh, guys--this store is outrageous. It's called the Unicorn School Supplies store. They are just loaded with all kinds of stickers and goodies, just wonderful, wonderful, ingenious toys and art supplies. Things like that. And He's right. That is dangerous for me! Very dangerous.

So, He said, "You over-estimated your ability to stay out of trouble in that place. I know you were trying to buy a gift for someone, but not at the expense of sinning. Right?"

Yes, Lord, You are right.

Is there something wrong with the message, Lord? Is that why you stopped me before I had a chance to do it? (That's the Body and Blood message, the second part I was asking about.)

Jesus answered me, "There is nothing wrong with the message; it is long overdue. This is about personal sin, Clare. You went to buy one book and you ended up with 6? Don't I give you enough teachings that you don't have to go looking to others for theirs?"

Yeah--that was Praying Medic. I went and looked up some of his books. There was one that I wanted on Traveling in the Spirit, and I ended up getting the one on Healing and Communication and a couple of other little ones he had. I shouldn't have done that, and I felt kind of weird afterwards. I should have just cancelled it.

Jesus continued, "If you would ask Me about these things, rather than being drawn off into the workings of others, I would tell you.

"You didn't ask about even that one book, and that opened the door to you justifying yourself--and that was Pride. There is no justification for wrong-doing. You are not in a position where you can afford to make your own decisions. Not even in the little things. I want you to submit to Me in the little things, because you can be taken way off track when you do them without My permission.

"What if you ended up teaching Heartdwellers something you read from someone else's book? They are doing their own thing and we are doing our own thing--and I want you to keep it pure. And yes. You need to confess your fault to the Channel."

Oh, that's always hard!

"Oh, My people--little is not little! It's the little foxes that spoil the vine. 'Little' is Satan's way of introducing you into doing big things, because he uses your little lapses like rungs on a ladder going down into a hole--not up to Heaven. Every time you give in to your own judgment and flesh, you lower yourself and begin to separate yourself from the highest way. You lose fellowship with Me, because I must stop you in your tracks to get your attention. Stopping you is painful for you and painful for Me. And it takes time for you to realize exactly why something doesn't feel right between us.

"In the meantime, there is work to do, messages, music, etc. And you aren't equipped to do them, because you are under correction. Do you see, Clare, how important this is?"

I do, Lord. I just don't know where to start. I am feeling really 'lost.'

Jesus answered me, "Repentance is always a good place."

Lord, I need more strength. I need You to take over. I can't do this. Please, Lord, give me the strength. I am so sorry! I am also very weak. And I am willing to be made willing to forego these things, but I know I will need Your help in the moments when I am sorely tempted.

Jesus answered, "Clare, when you are not feeling well for one reason or another, you are very vulnerable. And I understand this. But if you want to avoid falling, do all you can to run the other way. I will help you, but you must really make the effort if you want the victory.

"Remember the reading you got on being double-minded? This is a universal problem. That's what I mean when I say that this is a work in progress. It is just very hurtful when it stops what I am doing on the Channel.

"Of course, your enemies plot and celebrate when these things happen. But then, through your error, even more learn the ways of Satan--and now understand how to fend him off.

"Clare, I love you. Let me hold you and set you back up on your feet. Let me comfort you.

"And to you who set up these falls for My vessels unto honor, I say: you, too, will have your turn to repent. And I will welcome you with open arms. But please consider: you may not get another chance. Take advantage of what I offer you, when I offer it. For the day of your dissolution may not be far away.

"It is My heart to forgive you, but take care. You have said "No!" to Me so many times, there may not come another. Your heart has grown callous and hard, and there comes a time when you no longer can repent.

"Take heed to yourselves, that you repent in good season.

"And for the rest of you, My sweet Heartdwellers. I love you all tenderly. It's not easy being in this world, and some of the trials have been hard lately. And some of you have sought relief in the physical world and the carnal world. And that relief is so temporary, it only weakens you.

"So, do your best to run from an occasion of sin. And I will be with you, because I love you."

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