Splatoon 2 Online League Battles (Recorded on 8/30/17)

Rant time. This game, in its current form, is a broken, laggy, imbalanced piece of shit. Keet and I have been playing Splatoon 2 nearly every night since it released last month because 1) it's a motion controlled shooter, and 2) it actually allows us to team up, unlike Mario Kart.

However, we quickly noticed that this game has some serious connection issues that can immediately fuck up any match and circumvent almost all skill. In case anyone is unaware, Splatoon 2 has an online tick rate that is 30% lower than the original game. In fact, it's even lower than Minecraft (see here: https://octo.im/2017/07/31/splatoon-2...).

The result is that connections vary wildly each night, and you end up seeing ridiculous shit such as people warping, enemies killing you after you've killed them, enemies taking too many shots to kill, or just people dodging your shots altogether.

For the past several nights (hell, more than a week, I think), Keet and I have experienced nothing but atrocious lag. Then, suddenly last night, the switch flipped (pun intended). Suddenly Keet and I were on the beneficial end of this fucked up online connection, and we began winning higher-ranked matches. In the fourth match specifically, we beat a 2150-rated team that had basically annihilated us for the prior two nights (they were impossible to kill before). It wasn't like Keet and I suddenly played better either. We've been fairly consistent.

I have no doubt that if this team was able to comment on that match, they'd say we were impossible to hit, or that they just couldn't do proper damage to us. And you know what, I'd believe them.

Nintendo seriously needs to get its head out of its ass and fix this game's online problems. Maybe they're waiting to unveil dedicated servers once the paid online service releases next year, but I'm not holding my breath. In the mean time, I guess Keet and I will just weather the shitstorm that is Splatoon 2 online.

Also, while I'm in rant mode, I'm really sick of Nintendo thinking they're smarter than everyone and trying to dictate how people should play a game. Splatoon 2 needs a map voting system like Mario Kart, not this two-hour map rotation bullshit. Ever since the most recent patch dropped, the game has basically stuck us with the same map for about 45 minutes straight. Frankly, I can't comprehend how you Splatoon 1 players dealt with the four-hour map rotation.

The controls also need to be slightly reworked. I'm currently playing at max settings (5 for motion controls and stick turn speed), and it's still not enough. I'd turn that shit up to 11 if I could. I need to be able to make greater horizontal movements with motion controls alone. The only reason I should even use the right stick is to re-center my camera or to do a full 180. That's it. Seriously Nintendo, fix the controls.

Perhaps in the next video I'll rant about the impossible situation that is shooting on/over hills. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the footage.

Keet's channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/KeetAndBait

Battle list:

Match 1: Musselforge Fitness (Splat Zones) - 0:00
Match 2: Manta Maria (Splat Zones) - 4:03
Match 3: Musselforge Fitness (Splat Zones) - 6:27
Match 4: Manta Maria (Splat Zones) - 9:11
Match 5: Manta Maria (Splat Zones) - 12:51
Match 6: Inkblot Art Academy (Rainmaker) - 18:42

Recorded with the Elgato Game Capture HD60 and the Switch's HDMI cable at native 1080p resolution and 60 frames per second. I'm using detached Joy-Cons with motion controls.