Don't Resist Surgery

MESSAGE TRANSCRIPT

Hello brothers and sisters and Youtube family. Hope you guys are being blessed

I have been really struggling with insecurities and unbelief lately. Well if I can be honest all my life really, but its becoming more acute as the Lord is really giving me more responsibilities with my mission to Ghana and the girls are coming back to the mountain this week to be apart of the community! I am excited, but fear has just been gripping me as well and insecurity about leading them in anyway spiritually. Since I started walking with the Lord he always likes throwing me in the deep end so I have to sole rely on him. He has graced me to be a leader but I generally shy away from it because of my insecurities of caring about what people think, what they say and not wanting to offend others with correction. However Jesus has never let those weaknesses in my character stop him he does it anyway. With that being said I was struggling because of our community growing I no longer have the same role in helping in the kitchen and cleaning. Mother has given me more free time to focus on the channel. You would think I would be excited about that however I didn’t know what to do with myself with all this free time. I didn’t realize how attached I was to my role here that I found my identity in what I was doing rather who I am in him. That was humbling to realize I am going around that mountain again. I kept looking to the Lord for encouragement however I felt all the rhemas I was getting seemed corrective in one way or the other. So I was under heavy condemnation feeling insecure where I stood with the Lord and that is the worse suffering to me. I found myself one night in tears, my heart so heavy and feeling so hardened towards God. I even got a rhema to ensure that I hadn’t offended Jesus as all the songs he played over me were about receiving his love but it was as if I couldn’t receive it. Nothing penetrated as I cried, heart hurting and sought Blessed Mother arms praying the rosary until I could sleep. Then once I got over that the enemy was pelting me again with all types of anxieties about the girls coming.

One of two ladies coming was really struggling with letting her stuff go. She had a nice apartment with nice items and it was a big deal for her to give it all away to follow the Lord here because she was really attached to her stuff. Isn’t it interesting many of us have struggles with attachments and finding our identity outside of Christ with exterior things. Either way she had made it a point to finally narrow down to two luggage’s instead of one. When she told me I had a check in my gut that the Lord really wanted her to let go of more and just bring one luggage and if all at possible “To take nothing with her for the journey” (Luke 9:3). A rule St. Francis made for us all to follow as a Franciscans. However, I didn’t even do that when I came it was only one brother here in the community who came with literally the clothes on his back. He is an inspiration to us all and a great example that God will provide all we need when we follow him because he has lacked nothing since he came. I felt the Lord was really putting it on my heart to speak up. That he is bringing her and everyone that would come here to conquer their flesh and get the world out of them not bring it here. I sensed he was telling me if I didn’t speak up about these defects in her character that it would hinder her spiritual growth so I needed to be honest and firm concerning the will of God for her life. He was calling her here to follow him and detach from the world. I kept thinking Lord is this my pride wanting to say something to her?, maybe I should just wait, I don’t want to cause offense or maybe once she gets here that will be worked out of her. Then I got a rhema reading from St. Therese devotional and it was on point as the Lord was telling me to step it up in the role he has chosen for me as a spiritual Mother

The first reading said “A Little Bitterness”
“God has given me the grace of having no fear of a fight. I will do my duty at any cost. More than once I have been told by novices (as an aside that is a person new to or inexperienced in a field or situation, a beginner) The reading continues,
to whom she was giving spiritual direction: “If you want to succeed with me, severity is no use. You will get nowhere unless you are gentle.” But I know that no one is a good judge in his own case. If a surgeon performs a painful operation on a child, the child will scream and say that the cure is worse than the disease. But after a few days when he is cured, he is delighted to be able to run about and play. It is exactly the same where souls are concerned. They soon realize that a little bitterness is better than sweetness.”

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