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After spending 40+ days of 2020 in the hospital receiving chemotherapy to cure my non Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, I finally decided to venture out and get back on the horse. Although a metaphor for most, “getting back on the horse” has probably saved my life, seeing as how early on my grandpa would accept nothing less when I got pitched. I’m glad he wasn’t around to see the last year in regards to me and the world in general, but honestly not a day goes by in my adult life that I don’t half expect to turn to him for guidance or input, so on and so forth. His guidance and presence in the first 20 some years of my life prepared me for the battles that growing up and living on bring to us. Many of those battles we can’t begin to fathom.

One day you’re flying drones, racing supercross, climbing ladders then the next your hooked up to the chemo smoke pole and seeing God in places you hope the rest of the world never glimpses a fraction of. There’s no diy video, no for dummies guide, or cliff note for cancer. You deal or die and then you deal with the aftermath. You become thankful for the horses that pitched you when you’re counts are lower than low and food tastes like ash, water tastes like antifreeze, and you’re trudging on through the fog. Someplace in time the horse became a motorcycle, but the rider is still just as tough to throw and nothing, not even cancer, can keep me down.

I don’t know who needs help or at least something relatable, I know they’re out there...the worst part of being diagnosed with any form of cancer, in my opinion out of experience, is that when you survive and begin to thrive and feel lucky you also feel guilty plain and simple. Just like there’s no guide for how to cancer there’s no instructions for how to make your experience count. I just think that by getting this out there maybe you as the reader or watcher just might know someone that could use an “I’ve been there, now I’m here, and I’ll do whatever you need to help you feel less scared, less uncertain, or just a little bit better about this awful disease some of us have to whip in our life”.

If you know this person point then my direction.

They should know that my cancer fueled my living in a way that nothing else could. It very quietly and calmly occurred to me that the only way out of this l is through this and to make it through this you have to mentally build a road, lay a track, or make a line back to healthy.

Thank you for reading and watching. I’m just glad to be here.

Ross Kearney