Beans For Lunch

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(our Joke)

Beans for Lunch (http://kickasshumor.com/funny-joke/29222/during-lunch-at-work-last-week-i-ate-3-plates-of-)

During lunch at work last week, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't).
When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight. He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table.
I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the
telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.
The beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg, and let one go.
It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a garbage dump!
I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other leg, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.
Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on releasing atomic bombs like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable!
Eventually, the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, so I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap, and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.
My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long.
He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table, with their hands to their noses.

Credit where credit is due:
Photo 1: https://imgflip.com/memetemplate/60194121/BEANS
Photo 2: https://www.shutterstock.com/video/clip-6215240-run-hug-between-two-friends-lover
Photo 3: https://chefin.com.au/experiences/blindfolded-dinner/
Photo 4: https://imgflip.com/memegenerator/57208527/Telephone
Photo 5: https://www.gannett-cdn.com/-mm-/3b8b0abcb585d9841e5193c3d072eed1e5ce62bc/c=0-30-580-356/local/-/media/2017/10/01/USATODAY/usatsports/mature-woman-removing-blindfold_large.jpg?
Photo 6: https://imgflip.com/memegenerator/225369627/my-stomach-kinda-burns
Photo 7: https://imgflip.com/memegenerator/89633131/HIllary-Farting
Photo 8: https://woodandshop.com/my-dream-woodworking-workshop-part-5/
Photo 9: https://imgflip.com/memegenerator also found at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EErbxsrIxP8
Photo 10: https://imgflip.com/memegenerator also found at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EErbxsrIxP8
Photo 11: https://imgflip.com/memegenerator/252831642/Cabbage-or-a-Lime
Photo 12: https://imgflip.com/memegenerator/75605890/Listen
Photo 13: https://imgflip.com/memegenerator/115238123/Atomic-explosion
Photo 14: https://imgflip.com/memegenerator/47411242/Pleasure-girl
Photo 15: https://imgflip.com/memegenerator/59512857/Taken-Cell-phone-scene
Photo 16: https://www.thespruce.com/thmb/fs555H6YcQVpzkYwkCnLsZiMUU=/960x0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc():format(webp)/young-woman-preparing-napkin-whilst-having-champagne-breakfast-at-boutique-hotel-in-italy-667606675-57d962853df78c5833967b12.jpg also found at: https://imgflip.com/memegenerator
Photo 17: https://imgflip.com/meme/Innocent-Sasha
Photo 18: https://chefin.com.au/experiences/blindfolded-dinner/
Photo 19: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vedk0BDJhQk
Photo 20: https://www.cbs.com/recommended/photos/1007180/things-you-probably-shouldn-t-say-at-the-holiday-dinner-table-/118397/don-t-fart-/

Join us for Junk Drawer Jokes:

Whistle (https://www.bestfunnystories.com/2016/03/whistle.html)
A young Japanese girl had been taught all of her life that when she married she was to please her husband and never upset him. So the first morning of her honeymoon when the young Japanese bride crawled out of the bed after making love and she stooped down to pick up her husband's clothes and she let out a big fart.

Match (https://www.bestfunnystories.com/2014/08/match.html#more)
She looked up and said, "Excuse please, front hole so happy back hole whistle!
A guy comes home from the bar drunk one night around 3 in the morning. His wife is sleeping and he is trying to sneak into bed. He's laying in bed for a few minutes and cuts a fart.
His wife wakes up and asks, "What the hell was that?"
He replies, "Touchdown, I am winning 7 nothing."
She thinks to herself "I'm gonna fix him." Then she lets one loose.
He yells at her, "What was that?"
She replies "Touchdown, tie score."
Now he thinks, "I'm gonna fix her."
He's laying there for about 10 minutes trying to work one up. He tries so hard he shits in bed.
The wife asks, "Now what the hell was that?"

He replied, "Half time, switch sides."

#toot, #funny, #husband, #wife, #today, #tomorrow