Breaking Up on Re-Entry

Inspired by Sir Walter Scott’s novel “Rob Roy,” the sketch pokes fun at how many times the leading lady, Diana (“Die”) Vernon, said “goodbye forever” to the narrator, Frank Osbaldistone. She initially said farewell to Frank in Chapter 17. Undeterred, she said goodbye again in Chapter 33, and finally in Chapter 38, when she said goodbye forever before disappearing with her father, Frederick, behind the tapestry and into the Alexander Dumas Memorial Secret Passage Room, never to be seen again. Until Chapter 39 that is, when they appeared as husband and wife. Of course.

The headshot of Dee is from the portrait “Diana Vernon” by John Everett Millais (1880).

Frank’s last name, “Bauldybain” is taken from “Bauldy Bain’s Fiddle,” a Scottish Country Dance. It is a 32 bar reel for three couples in a four couple set. It was devised by John Bowie Dickson.

The “Dodgeballer of Courage” scene pokes fun at a novelist that’s every bit as long winded as Sir Walter Scott; Charles Dickens. Past CoBaD skit characters play characters from Dickens’s novel “Oliver Twist.” For more on “Oliver” (Private the Youth/Henry Fleming) and Master “Charley” Bates (General Gabby MacJohnson), see “The Badger Dog of Courage.” For more on “The Arfless Dodger” (Cheshire Cat) see “Pardon in a White House Wonderland.” For more on Gigi (Gigi), see “Integrated Mistress Schedule.”

Charles Dickens: “Oh! The suspense: the fearful, acute suspense: of standing idly by while the continued playing status of one we dearly hate, is trembling in the balance; the racking thoughts that crowd upon his mind, which makes his heart beat violently, and his breath come thick, by the force of the images they conjure up before it; the desperate anxiety for us to be doing something to relieve the pain, or lessen the danger to our team, which we have all the power to alleviate; the lifting of soul and spirit, which the fond remembrance of ball possession produces; what tortures can equal these; what reflections of endeavors can, in the full tide and fever of the playground, allay them!” - A spoof of a passage from “Oliver Twist” Chapter 33.

Charles Dickens: “Such is the influence which the condition of our own thoughts, cardio and resistance exercises, even over the sound of external bells. Boys like us who look on nature, and their fellow-classmates, and cry that all is bright and cheerful, are in the right; but the bright colors are reflections from mine own hands and stomach. The real sandwiches and chips are delicate, and I need a clearer palate.” - From Chapter 34

Charles Dickens: “Because as school newspaper editor Mrs. Sikes always tells me: ‘For boys can always put things in fewest words. Except when it’s a charge number parasite like me who’s paid by the word; and then he lengthens it out.’” From Chapter 20.

For more on Shawn E. Land and “The Fruits of Graft,” see the “Two Minute History Mystery Double Feature” sketch. Shawn does have a point; if DEI is truly dead, rather than simply toss it in the dumpster, why not try and make a little money off of it by shaming people into buying it? Ripe guilt and ripe supremacy is a real thing you know.

Frank: “F*ck it all to hell this godforsaken phone…Time for the President to whip out an executive order and designate Human Factors as a terrorist organization for its User Experience atrocities. All their projects, grants and contracts should be thoroughly reviewed by the Administrator of USAID and…oh, wait, never mind.…” - In the 22 January 2025 Executive Order titled “Designation of Ansar Allah as a Foreign Terrorist Organization,” Section 3 paragraph (d) reads: “Following any designation of Ansar Allah as a foreign terrorist organization under 8 U.S.C. 1189, the Secretary of State and the Administrator of the United States Agency for International Development (USAID) shall jointly conduct a review of the United Nations partners, nongovernmental organizations, and contractors through which USAID works in Yemen, and identify any entities with a relationship with USAID…” This was issued just days before the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) conducted an audit on USAID and essentially shut it down, discovering it to be more or less a slush fund for the CIA. Talk about the fox reviewing the henhouse.

Dumpster scene: Features (from left to right) Napoleon the Pig from “The Hams Justifies the Means” sketch, Master Bates, Oliver, the Arfless Dodger, Charles Dickens, Penny from the “Stock Market” sketch and Suckerin Carlson from “The Badger Dog of Courage” sketch.

References:

Goodreads. Oliver Twist Quotes. https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/3057979-oliver-twist-or-the-parish-boy-s-progress?page=1

Scott, Sir Walter (1995) Rob Roy. Everyman: London. First published in 1817.

WhiteHouse.gov. 22 January 2025. Designation Of Ansar Allah as a Foreign Terrorist Organization – The White House. https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/designation-of-ansar-allah-as-a-foreign-terrorist-organization/

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Convulsions of Birth and Death (CoBaD) is a comedy sketch troupe founded in September, 2022 that posts skits on social media covering varied topics such as music, history, art, science, sports, literature and events encountered in everyday life. The title was inspired by Henry David Thoreau’s “Civil Disobedience” (1849), an essay written as a protest against the U.S. government taking his “gift” (i.e., his taxes), and wasting it in ways in which he did not approve (e.g., war and slavery). CoBaD writes sketches in the spirit of Thoreau, but instead of strictly casting its nets outwards towards governments and figures of authority, it projects its protest inwards by taking a humorous, lightheaded look at humanity and specifically those who take the greatest gift of all, life, and senselessly and stupidly waste it on greed, narcissism, self-centeredness, petty-mindedness, arrogance, opportunism, power-grabbing, quid pro quo, the status quo, ulterior motives, and the most despicable waste of all, social media.