Fair game or cheating? These bedroom boundaries are up for debate

“Harmless flirting” (51%), chatting with an ex (60%) and watching porn (23%) could make or break a relationship, according to new research.

A survey of 2,000 sexually active adults explored the different “bedroom boundaries” that they have, finding that many consider those acts as “cheating” in a relationship.

Those who put porn high on their list of duplicitous acts have strong feelings: 54% of these respondents think that it should be “banned” when a relationship gets serious.

What’s acceptable? The survey conducted by Talker Research in partnership with LELO found that a majority agree that reading erotica (79%), masturbating or using sex toys (76%) and dancing with someone else (66%) are all fair game.

They would become confrontational when the potential for dishonesty rears its head: 37% would call their partner out if they hid their phone password or casually flirted with someone (41%).

Respondents are also sensitive when the past is involved, with half saying they’d confront their partner for having pictures with an ex on their phone or on social media (49%), and even more said they would do so if there were texts involved (62%).

However, being friends with an ex is still okay with a third of those surveyed, with 30% saying they would keep an eye on the situation and only get involved if something suspicious occurred.

Thirty-six percent would also pay attention to a close relationship between their partner and a co-worker without confronting it.

On the other hand, Americans aren’t as likely to feel jealous if their partner danced with someone else (32%), let someone buy them a drink (31%) or read erotica (47%).

"Intimacy is a personal journey, and each individual has their own boundaries,” said Luka Matutinovic, chief marketing officer at LELO. “Whether single, in a relationship, or somewhere in between, exploring together requires openness and mutual respect. Honest conversations about desires and limits unlock new experiences, helping partners build deeper trust and connection. When judgment is removed, both partners feel empowered to explore and discover new pleasures, creating space for genuine intimacy and shared growth."

While most of those in a relationship are confident that their partner knows about their romantic or sexual boundaries (89%), one in seven would hesitate to be honest with them if they did something that bothered them.

And while three-quarters of all Americans claim to be satisfied with their sex lives (77%), just 30% are “always” satisfied during intimacy.

More than half of those surveyed admit they’ve been dishonest or went without talking about something that secretly bothered them with a partner (53%) because they didn’t want to upset them (39%) or were afraid of their reaction (33%).

The conversation about what they like in bed is never an easy one to have, but one in six are eager to talk about it right away, compared to the average person who thinks that talk should come after four rounds of intimacy.

Some of the “contentious” acts they may spill during pillow talk are their desires to masturbate or use sex toys (38%), explore new kinks (25%) or engage in intimacy with multiple partners (11%).

However, of those who are interested in something considered “controversial” and in relationships, one in six admit their partner doesn’t know they’re interested in that activity.

"Honesty is the foundation of true intimacy and the key to deeper connections,” said Matutinovic. “Each person's boundaries and desires are unique, and real fulfillment comes from open conversations about needs and limits. Avoiding these discussions can create distance, but embracing honesty and an open mind strengthens trust, fosters understanding, and deepens the bond, allowing both partners to feel truly seen and heard."

Survey methodology:
Talker Research surveyed 2,000 sexually active Americans; the survey was commissioned by LELO and administered and conducted online by Talker Research between Feb. 5 and Feb. 11, 2025.

We are sourcing from a non-probability frame and the two main sources we use are:
● Traditional online access panels — where respondents opt-in to take part in online market research for an incentive
● Programmatic — where respondents are online and are given the option to take part in a survey to receive a virtual incentive usually related to the online activity they are engaging in
Those who did not fit the specified sample were terminated from the survey. As the survey is fielded, dynamic online sampling is used, adjusting targeting to achieve the quotas specified as part of the sampling plan.

Regardless of which sources a respondent came from, they were directed to an Online Survey, where the survey was conducted in English; a link to the questionnaire can be shared upon request. Respondents were awarded points for completing the survey. These points have a small cash-equivalent monetary value.

Cells are only reported on for analysis if they have a minimum of 80 respondents, and statistical significance is calculated at the 95% level. Data is not weighted, but quotas and other parameters are put in place to reach the desired sample.

Interviews are excluded from the final analysis if they failed quality-checking measures. This includes:
● Speeders: Respondents who complete the survey in a time that is quicker than one-third of the median length of interview are disqualified as speeders
● Open ends: All verbatim responses (full open-ended questions as well as other please specify options) are checked for inappropriate or irrelevant text
● Bots: Captcha is enabled on surveys, which allows the research team to identify and disqualify bots
● Duplicates: Survey software has “deduping” based on digital fingerprinting, which ensures nobody is allowed to take the survey more than once
It is worth noting that this survey was only available to individuals with internet access, and the results may not be generalizable to those without internet access.