THE EXPLODING WHALE - The Shadow Banned

The Exploding Whale (unreleased track)

It was 1970
Florence, Oregon
The decade got started with a bang
A dead whale
was stuck on the beach
8 tons and 45 feet

it wasn’t long before
beachgoers complained
about the giant rotting whale carcass stench

The newscaster
said local authorities had a ‘stinky whale of a problem’
on their hands

The Oregon department
of transportation
were tasked with
solving the problem.

It might’ve been
the very first time
a whale carcass washed up on the beach.

Authorities weren’t sure how to get rid of it
They said it simply couldn’t be buried
nor cut up and buried
no one wanted to do that.

Thankfully, someone spoke up at
the whale meeting
With the genius idea
To blow the whale up
With a half ton of dynamite!
That would blow the whale into oblivion
with no large chunks remaining
Any small pieces
of whale bits still around
Would be chomped up by hungry seagulls

The decision-makers were also attracted to the thrill

of blowing stuff up!

On the day of the blast
many people congregated on the beach.

to watch the great spectacle
The dynamite went off
And exploded the 8-ton whale
BOOOOOM!!

The massive sound of the explosion
was oddly satisfying
And could be heard 25 miles away
Someone yelled out,
“Thar’ she blows!”

Unfortunately...

the whale didn’t disintegrate

And the entertainment

Quickly turned into a run for survival

As people ran for cover

From the falling debris

“The blast blasted blubber beyond all believable bounds”
Said the newscaster.
Said the newscaster.

“The blast blasted blubber beyond all believable bounds”
Said the newscaster.
Said the local newscaster.

huge chunks of whale blubber
rained down from the sky

Bystanders hurried away from the beach.

There were reports
that some of the whale
weighed as much as two hundred pounds.

One local couple
unaware of the day’s festivities

parked their car
looking forward to
a relaxing day on the beach,

and witnessed a slab
of whale skin smack down
on their windshield

“Hunny, what is that?”

“that, there, looks like dead whale flesh!”

“that, there, looks like dead whale flesh!”

“that, there, looks like dead whale flesh!”

“THAT, THERE, LOOKS LIKE DEAD WHALE FLESH!!!”

A parked car one-quarter mile from the blast
was the victim of a larger whale flesh chunk
that landed on the roof of his car
and completely smashed it in.

Everyone on the scene
Was covered in dead whale guts,
and would go home that evening
smelling of burnt blubber
stuck to their skin,
clothes, and hair...
the worst thing they’ve ever smelled in their lives

The seagulls
who were supposed to clean things up
were nowhere in sight
either scared off from the blast
or grossed out by
the stink of wretched charred whale flesh
that hung in the air

that hung in the air

(...now that's what I call 'cloudy with a chance of meatballs'...)