Are You Obsessed with Matt Taylor?

In the vast, wondrous world of the internet, there exists a phenomenon stranger than UFOs, wilder than conspiracy theories, and arguably more captivating than a cat video. This phenomenon is the Matt Taylor Obsession Syndrome (MTOS). It’s not in the DSM-5 yet, but give it time. Let’s explore the telltale signs of this oddly specific obsession.

1. Do you feel compelled to leave a nasty comment on every video Matt Taylor publishes?

Ah, the keyboard warriors. Rain or shine, these valiant individuals dedicate their lives to typing furiously into the void. Matt Taylor uploads a video about King Arthur? They’re there. Matt Taylor shares a story about Brighton’s secret society of Whistleblowers? They’re there. Is it a full-time job? Is there a pension? We may never know, but they sure clock in like it’s a 9-to-5.

2. Do you feel compelled to argue with everything he says?

Matt Taylor could announce, "Water is wet," and somewhere, someone is drafting a 5,000-word rebuttal titled "Actually, Water is Dry: A Comprehensive Analysis of Matt Taylor’s Lies." It's impressive, really, the dedication to ensure no statement of his goes unchallenged. Forget philosophers or scientists—these folks have declared Matt Taylor their intellectual nemesis.

3. Do you feel compelled to record everything he does and says?

Imagine, if you will, a room filled with screens showing nothing but Matt Taylor. A disheveled individual sits in the center, furiously scribbling notes: "At 3:47, he scratches his nose. Suspicious." They’ve essentially become Taylorologists, documenting his every move with the fervour of a nature documentarian following a rare bird.

4. Do you feel compelled to use hours and hours of Matt Taylor's material?

What’s the only thing better than Matt Taylor’s content? Repackaging it, overanalyzing it, and presenting it as your own entertainment. These enthusiasts have turned “reaction videos” into an Olympic sport, pouring over every frame like it's the Zapruder film.

So... Are You Obsessed?

If you answered "yes" to any of the above questions, congratulations! You might be suffering from MTOS. But don’t worry, there’s hope. Take a deep breath, close the laptop, and perhaps spend some time outside. The sun’s still shining, even in Brighton.

Meanwhile, Matt Taylor, ever the showman, will continue living rent-free in your mind, sipping metaphorical cocktails, and uploading more videos for you to hate-watch. As they say, "You sway what I say."

So, my dear MTOS sufferers, what will Matt Taylor do next? Stay tuned—you already know you will.

"Obsessed with Matt Taylor"
(A satirical anthem)

Verse 1:
You wake up in the morning, check your screen,
Matt Taylor’s uploaded—oh, the routine.
Can’t help yourself, you’re clicking play,
Ready to rage at whatever he’ll say.

Pre-Chorus:
Oh, you’ve got your notes,
You’ve got your takes,
Analyzing every move he makes.
With a keyboard sword, you’re on the attack,
But we all know you’ll keep coming back.

Chorus:
Are you obsessed with Matt Taylor?
Can’t help but be his biggest hater.
Every video, every tweet,
You’re first in line to bring the heat.
Oh, you can’t stay away,
He’s living rent-free every day.
Obsessed with Matt Taylor—
It’s a strange kind of love masquerading as anger.

Verse 2:
You’ve got a folder, Matt clips galore,
A catalog of “evidence” you can’t ignore.
Recording his streams like it’s your job,
His number-one critic, part of the mob.

Pre-Chorus:
You dissect his jokes,
You mock his flair,
Yet you’re the one who’s always there.
Hanging on his every line,
Is it love or hate? The line’s so fine.

Chorus:
Are you obsessed with Matt Taylor?
Can’t help but be his biggest hater.
Every video, every tweet,
You’re first in line to bring the heat.
Oh, you can’t stay away,
He’s living rent-free every day.
Obsessed with Matt Taylor—
It’s a strange kind of love masquerading as anger.

Bridge:
Why not let it go? Take a little break.
Go outside, touch some grass, for heaven’s sake!
But no, you’re back, can’t resist the thrill,
Of scrolling through Matt Taylor’s channel still.

Chorus:
Are you obsessed with Matt Taylor?
Can’t help but be his biggest hater.
Every video, every tweet,
You’re first in line to bring the heat.
Oh, you can’t stay away,
He’s living rent-free every day.
Obsessed with Matt Taylor—
It’s a strange kind of love masquerading as anger.

Outro:
So here’s to you, Matt Taylor’s crew,
The lovers, the haters, the trolls too.
He’s just one man, doing his thing,
And somehow, for you, he’s everything.
Obsessed with Matt Taylor,
A fandom like no other, stranger or stranger.