Beach is Closed (1985)

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This pop funk single by "Richard Magic and The Raiders" was released less than a year after the strange outbreak of a new form of pool A*DS had spread through stingrays to the local beaches causing them all to be shut down. The disease was causing the infected wildlife to display bizarre, aggressive, and horny behavior towards humans.

Lyrics

[Verse 1]
These damn stingrays are getting funky
Some say the rays had s*x with monkeys
They're stabbing people with their stingers
They're taking out their hate on swimmers
These stingrays are f*cking aggressive
They're making sure we get the message
Better be careful if you're surfing
You don't want to pull a Steve Irwin

[Chorus 1]
The beach is closed (beach is closed)
The beach is closed today
The beach is closed (beach is closed)
Beach closed due to stingrays
The beach is closed (beach is closed)
The beach is closed today
The beach is closed (beach is closed)
The stingrays all have a*ds

[Verse 2]
The stingrays numbers keep on growing
Now all the best beaches are closing
Been a week since the beach was open
They're gonna close down the whole ocean
Everyone is getting infected
Stingrays strike when you least expect it
On the beach you can never relax
Stingrays are also known to smoke cr*ck

[Chorus 2]
The beach is closed (beach is closed)
The beach is closed today
The beach is closed (beach is closed)
Beach closed due to stingrays
The beach is closed (beach is closed)
The beach is closed today
The beach is closed (beach is closed)
The stingrays all have a*ds (Woo!)

[Keytar Solo]

[Verse 3]
The aids are causing strange behavior
These stingrays have no fear of danger
They've gotten completely out of control
They're stinging people in the a**hole
They don't care if you're already g*y
They killed a life guard the other day
Before you swim I'll give fair warning
The stingrays have aids and they're horny

[Chorus 3]
The beach is closed (beach is closed)
The beach is closed today
The beach is closed (beach is closed)
Beach closed due to stingrays
The beach is closed (beach is closed)
The beach is closed today
The beach is closed (beach is closed)
The stingrays all have a*ds (f*ck yeah)

[Outro]
You don't wanna get a*ds, b*tch!
Woo!
F*ck yeah!