Polygyny and the Quran

Another issue that Muslims are fond of apologising for which I am going to
discuss at length is polygyny. Since this is a topic so repugnant to most people, many Muslims included, I am going to spend a lot of time on it. When I was younger I also found it a bit odd that the best man on earth, the Prophet Muhammad (s) could perpetrate such a great crime against his wife by marrying several other wives. I read every attempt at erasing polygyny from the Qur’an imaginable and so I am going to a summarise it here in the following advice I wrote to my children:
First you should know that polygyny is currently the natural order of society the world over, albeit clandestinely practiced in Western countries. It is rarely the case that men do not have mistresses while married, or that people generally only have one or two sexual partners for life. Rather it is
common for people to have as many as ten sexual partners in Western countries at the time of writing. In the past, polygyny was openly practiced as a system of marriage, permitting men to have several wives.
Know that God didn’t create us for fun, but made our lives meaningful through worshipping and serving Him. Similarly, while people enjoy the act of having sex, its primary biological function is to procreate. It also serves to bring two people closer together emotionally and to strengthen the bonds
in marriage relationships.
Men and women are not biologically the same in all aspects and they will have different mating tendencies. God, in His infinite wisdom, made women monogamous by nature and men polygynous by nature. One woman is biologically capable to birth all the children of one man without needing
another man to fertilize her. She can fulfill her biological function of procreation perfectly well through monogamy. However, one man can impregnate several women in the time it takes each woman to
give birth to one child. Hence, he can only fulfil his biological capabilities through polygyny. He, therefore, has a tendency to wander around. God didn’t tell men that they cannot have several women, instead he ordered them to do so responsibly. Simply, men ought not to bite off more than
they can chew, by having more women than they can afford to reasonably look after.
The Arabs who lived during the time of revelation practiced polygyny as part of their marriage custom.
The Prophets were generally polygynous. Some of the Arabs who had rich orphan girls under their care would hasten to marry those girls when they reach the age of marriage so as not to release their wealth to them. If he married the orphan girl, he would be able to continue to benefit from her estate.
Since the motive for marrying her was unjust, God ordered that such men marry any other women besides the orphans whose wealth they are intending on taking. It is stated in the Qur’an:
And give to the orphans their properties and do not substitute the defective [of your own] for the good
[of theirs]. And do not consume their properties into your own. Indeed, that is ever a great sin. (4:2)
And if you fear that you will not deal justly with the orphan girls, then marry those that please you of [other] women, two or three or four. But if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] one or those your right hand possesses. That is more suitable that you may not incline [to injustice].(4:3)
The modern discussions around this verse stem from certain basic incorrect assumptions:
1. That monogamy is the rule and polygyny is the exception.
2. That the verse above introduced polygyny.
3. That the verse is recommending that men marry orphans if they want to practice polygyny.
In reality, the first part of the verse, “if you fear that you will not deal justly with the orphan girls” is a continuation of the previous verse which is about giving the orphans their property and not unlawfully consuming it. The situation to which it refers to is that of men who have orphan women already under their care and who are inclined to usurping their wealth. In other words, if you fear that you will not deal justly with the orphan girls because you are only interested in their wealth, then marry women-
besides the orphan girls -of your choice. It doesn’t end there, because the next verse goes on to explain that even in that case- if you marry other women -don’t try to usurp those women’s wealth like you may have tried to usurp the wealth of the orphan.

And give the women [upon marriage] their [bridal] gifts graciously. But if they give up willingly to you anything of it, then take it in satisfaction and ease. (4:4)
Hence it is clear that the context is about being fair towards women regarding wealth and has very little to do with polygyny. The verse does not establish polygyny, rather it mentions it in passing in relation to not being unfair towards women regarding their wealth. A society that already practiced polygyny didn’t need to be introduced to it.
Since many modern scholars are saying that the verse refers to marrying orphan girls in polygyny as an exception to a monogamous rule, we will now examine whether that is plausible. Let us, then, assume that the verse is talking about marrying orphan girls to entertain their argument, and re-
interpret the verse accordingly.
And if you fear that you will not deal justly with the orphan girls, then marry those that please you of orphan girls, two or three or four. But if you fear that you will not be just to orphan girls, then [marry only] one orphan girl or those your right hand possesses of orphan girls. That is more suitable that
you may not incline [to injustice].(4:3)
The verb in the sentence, which is ‘marry’(اﻧـــﻛﺣوا), cannot initially relate to orphans when applied to the polygynous bit (two, three or four) and then not be applied to the rest of the sentence. Hence, if the verse is saying that men should marry orphans in polygyny, then it must similarly apply to monogamy.
Therefore, every man should only marry orphans whether in polygyny or monogamy. Let’s assume that the verse does refer to orphan girls and that it is instructing Muslims to marry orphans, then the verse wouldn’t have any bearings on what men do regarding their marriages to all other women who
are not orphans. In other words, Muslim men can marry orphan girls in polygyny and all other types of women in polygyny as well. Since polygyny was already established as a practice, this verse being in relation to orphans has no bearing on polygyny in general but will only have limited men regarding what they do with orphans.
The truth is that this verse isn’t about polygyny, rather the subject matter is about not usurping the wealth of orphans. Polygyny is mentioned in passing as an alternative to stingy male guardians who are after the orphan’s money. When we read verses of the Qur’an we need to establish what the core
argument is about before we jump to conclusions. The opposition to polygyny is a good example of how a popular narrative is super-imposed on the Qur’an because in the 21st century monogamy is encouraged.
The argument doesn’t end with this verse when they try to deduce monogamy as a supposed ‘best practice’ from the Qur’an. There are at least two other verses commonly used to explain that the Qur’an prefers monogamy. Needless to say, the Qur’an allegedly always prefers what people
themselves prefer in any era, because people always impose their perceptions onto the text. They want to guide the text to what they find is best for themselves and their culture.
You will never be able to treat your wives with equal fairness, however much you may desire to do so, but do not ignore one wife altogether, leaving her suspended [between marriage and divorce]. If you make amends and remain conscious of God, He is most forgiving and merciful (4:129)
The common argument is that in one verse (4:3) God says, “if you cannot do justice then marry only one…” and in another verse (4:129) He says, “…you will never be able to be just to your wives…” and hence that declaration is actually a tacit denial of polygyny by God Himself. Since God is Himself
stipulating justice as a condition for polygyny and then stating that one can never do justice, God must then be saying one can never practice polygyny. Feminist Muslims are very fond of this argument because polygyny in real terms sets men apart from women in ways feminists are very uncomfortable
with.
The latter verse I quoted here also has a broader context which has to do with a woman who is unhappy with her husband’s disregard for her as seen in the verse prior to the verse under discussion.
And if a woman fears from her husband contempt or evasion(nushuz /disloyalty), there is no sin upon them if they make terms of settlement between them - and settlement is best. And present in [human]
souls is stinginess. But if you do good and fear Allah - then indeed Allah is ever, with what you do, Acquainted.(4:128)
The terms of settlement here is to negotiate or renegotiate the maintenance to give to a wife which is less than what would be considered fair from her perspective. This verse is regarding the fear of unjust treatment from the woman’s perspective which can be dismissed by agreeing to terms that
might seem fairer to her or less fair but will result in him not divorcing her. However failing to come to terms in that regard or having come to a financial agreement, the next verse continues:
You will never be able to treat your wives with equal fairness, however much you may desire to do so, but do not ignore one wife altogether, leaving her suspended [between marriage and divorce]. If you make amends and remain conscious of God, He is most forgiving and merciful (4:129)
The verse is saying that now you have done as God has ordered and tried to come to terms with your complaining wife who fears disloyalty from you. You have offered her new terms as part of your negotiation but it failed or it was unfair in nature (because you are going to pay her less than your
other wives). The response of God is that you will never be able to treat your wives fairly no matter how hard you have desired (and tried) to do so, as judged by their (your wives) estimate. However, despite her complaining about you being unjust and you taking a disliking towards her, do not ignore
her altogether, leaving her suspended. It is a natural inclination of a man to leave a woman who constantly complains about him, and simply just continue to visit with his other women. God is saying,
do not do that, but either continue to visit with her at least enough for her to still be considered your wife (because you have sexual relations with her), or divorce her and be done with it. In other words, don’t just leave the matter suspended in the air, but resolve it one way or another.
The verse also sets up a rule around the negotiations made with the troublesome wife: you cannot keep her as a wife even though you maintain her, while not going to her bed. Verse 128 is implicitly talking about material maintenance, whereas verse 129 is implicitly talking about spending time with your wife. If you find your wife so repugnant that you cannot sleep with her within a period long enough for her to endure the iddah (waiting period) of a deceased husband, which is four months and ten days, then you should offer to divorce her. If she is of an age that she no longer desires sex and
can hold to the limits of God regarding marriage even without sex, she can herself offer to remain in the marriage. The follow-up verse makes it clear that this is actually the subject under discussion in these verses.
But if they separate [by divorce], Allah will enrich each [of them] from His abundance. And ever is Allah Encompassing and Wise.(4:130)

God in the above verse is dismissing the insecurities people fear around divorce and the reduction of wealth. This reinforces the fact that the verses are primarily talking about maintenance in wealth. In
other words, if the situation is untenable for the wife you seem no longer inclined to, which is why she fears disloyalty from you (that you will not uphold your duties on account of disdain for her) then first negotiate new terms. These terms must include maintenance and visitations, at a reduced level, if agreed upon. However, the terms should not be such that the wife’s situation is compromised to the extent that she is no longer a wife to you, yet still married to you and can therefore not be a wife to anyone else. God forbids that you oppress women. Hence, you are not to turn away from her
altogether leaving her suspended, but rather you are to go to her and continue to have sexual relations with her or set her free if you are unable to do that because your dislike for her has become severe.
If anything, the above verses discussed show that polygyny was quite normal, as was the problems of polygyny. The Qur’an addresses the issues of marriage in polygynous terms because it was the typical kind of marriage prevalent during and after the time of revelation.
I do not want to continue this exercise for you because I think this is sufficient to notice that apologists
always decontextualise verses of the Qur’an to suit their own narrative. It is very easy to deconstruct
their weak arguments if you are steeped in your knowledge of the Qur’an. Ignorant Muslims argue
against polygyny using the Qur’an. It’s frankly intellectually dishonest of them, and not only do more
educated Muslims know that they’re dishonest, but so do more informed scholars who aren’t Muslim.
It’s a losing battle for them, and aside from being sure within yourself what is really in your religion, it
is better to leave alone ignorant fools who argue this way and that but are misguided in their blind
imaginings.
I would like you to notice that the verse mentioning polygyny is stating a norm, and other verses that
seek to regulate marriage relations often do so in polygynous terms. The Qur’an does not contradict
itself. I encourage you to marry as many women as you can reasonably look after. You should be able
to feed, house and clothe them, and impregnate them as often as possible. Should they not desire to
have more children, however, then in the very least you should sleep with them often enough to keep
them chaste. Since Islam gave women more rights than was their due prior to it, I forbid you to marry
more women than you can fairly manage. If it is that a woman desires to be with you and you desire
to be with her, and she is chaste, not promiscuous, and yet she isn’t what you would take as a wife, then take her as a concubine. In that case her rights are half that of a full wife. Despite that, it is still your obligation to keep her chaste by not depriving her sexually.
Since we are on the subject, I want you to know that we do not accept slavery and the buying and
selling of people, no matter what conditions the world might find itself in in succeeding generations.
We accept that which is freely entered into, and that which can be exited from. In this way, we
understand the matter of concubinage. Namely, that a woman can give herself over to a man as his
lover or mistress and that by us is lawful if the conditions of the said relationship is exclusive. In other
words, the said woman places herself under your protection and is only allowed to sleep with you and
will not entertain other men. If it is mutually agreed to end the agreement, then she must wait
regarding herself the waiting period. We find the idea of sexual repression distasteful and we do not
understand that God meant men should not be free to engage in sexual relations with women they
desire and who desire them, from within the lawful categories of women.