How to Stimulate a Depressed Family

Inspired by the “Four Year War Plans and Screw Deals” sketch, this sketch takes a microeconomic (or is that micro-comic?) look at FDR’s economic recovery polices of the 1930s, which we here at CoBaD think had more to do with World War II, which of course he encouraged thanks to his isolationist policies. We here at CoBaD think if he put as much effort into state and world affairs as his did at extramarital affairs, history may have been quite different.

The sketch was also inspired by a troupe member’s genealogy research and features several members of his mother’s side of the family. The “Taylor Household Players” are Jim (James) and Margie (Margaret), the troupe member’s great-grandparents. Their children are Dot (Dorothy), Don (the troupe member’s grandfather), and Sam. In the pictures in the background (from left to right) are Jim and Margie’s other two children; Mary (with the troupe member’s mother) and Ruth (aka “Mad Aunt Ruth”) with the troupe member’s aunt. On the far right is the troupe member’s third great grandfather (and Jim’s grandfather), James “Scotch” Taylor. For more on “Scotch” Taylor, see the “Tax Regressor” sketch.

Sam (to all): "Well, that’s my “Five Why’s.” I did MY chores for today. (Turns to Dad) My two cents allowance, Dad."
Sam: "I’ll be in my office if anyone needs me. So long, you mopey dopes."
James: "That was my last two pennies, too, Margie."
Margaret "Well, Jim, maybe you should have been more specific when you asked Sam to dig up the roots. Just my two cents worth."

A reference to the “5 Whys” root cause analysis technique which assumes that all problems can be solved by simply asking “Why?” five times. As we can see, Sam stopped at the fifth why and said his job was done because he had met requirements (you don’t expect Sam to gold-plate his finished product now do you? That would be most improper).

We here at CoBaD think it sometimes it takes more than asking “Why” five times in order to get at the “root” of a problem, particularly if the answers generated aren’t particularly smart ones. And dumb answers only lead to dumb solutions, like throwing billions of dollars at do-nothing alphabet soup agencies and business-meddling government administrations in order to solve an economic crisis.

James: “I’m going to the garage and getting the whitewash. I’m going to make that smart mouthed brat paint the fence.”
Don: “But it’s a barbed wire fence, Dad.”
James: “I know.”

A reference to Don Taylor, who was in fact an avid barbed wire collector. In 1991, he donated his collection to the Kansas Barbed Wire Museum in Lacrosse, Kansas. The Museum’s Library is named in his honor.

The Coolidge Crop Duster Award Promo: We here at CoBaD think that President Herbert "Don’t Call Me Hoobert Heever" Hoover (see the “Speakeasy to Remember but Difficult to Guess” sketch for more on this nickname) was unfairly maligned by the Great Depression. The factors that played into the October, 1929 stock market crash didn’t just start when Mr. Hoover took office in January of that year; they were years in the making. We think the bulk of the blame on the crash and the ensuing depression lay with President Calvin "Grab That Cash, Pass the Gas and Dash" Coolidge. If not, then at the very least, as Coolidge supporter Thomas Tacoma (2019) and humorist Will Rodgers (See Kirby) speculated (no pun intended), Coolidge knew about the dangers of the overheated economy and did nothing to stop it. Why? Probably money. To paraphrase Lina Lamont from “Singin’ in the Rain,” (and alluded to by Garfinkle, see Tacoma, p.366), rich folks like Calvin Coolidge made more money in the pro-corporate “Roaring Twenties” than Calvin Coolidge put together. So why would Mr. Coolidge put the brakes on the economy when there’s so much more money to be made? “Grab that cash” indeed. The fact that Mr. Coolidge hated his then Commerce Secretary Hoover (once claiming “for six years [Hoover] has given me unsolicited advice – all of it bad.") only led credence to our belief that Coolidge, although stating quite clearly in his enigmatic and melodramatic “I do not choose to run” letter that he would not run in 1928, set Hoover up to fail.

The Flat Dinner Table Society promo was a shot at Flat-Earthers, particularly the “Christian” ones who argue that the Bible states that the Earth is flat, that outer space does not exist and that no humans have ever traveled there. They would therefore argue that the NASA trips to outer space and to the moon were hoaxes.

Edwin Eugene “Buzz” Aldrin, Jr. is a devout Christian who was the first man to take Communion on the moon. In the 2024 Presidential campaign, he also endorsed Donald Trump, who repeatedly spoke of how he promised to expose all of Washington’s dirty cover-ups (such as files on the JFK assassination 9/11 attacks and the Epstein list). Now if there was truly no such thing as outer space and outer space travel was a complete fabrication, then why would a devout Christian such as Mr. Aldrin participate in and perpetuate a lie, and why would he endorse a man who could expose him and all of his fellow astronauts as liars? It doesn’t make sense, but then again, neither do Flat-Earthers.

We here at CoBaD would be more than happy to put Flat-Earthers on a ship with "Just Have Your Party on PC's" Madam Zon and send them on a fact-finding journey into space where they won’t have a hassle with the human race (and the human race won’t have a hassle with them). And as soon as we scrape together enough money, and assuming Madam Zon doesn’t turn them into a main course of one of her inflight meals, we’ll book their return flight. Should be a year or two…three at the most…possibly…

References:
Blakemore, E. (2024 July 17). Buzz Aldrin Took Holy Communion on the Moon. NASA Kept it Quiet. History.com. https://www.history.com/news/buzz-aldrin-communion-apollo-11-nasa

Kirby, R. Coolidge Prosperity Gave America the Reserve to Weather the Great Depression. Calvin Coolidge Presidential Foundation. https://coolidgefoundation.org/resources/significant-papers-3/

Kansas Barbed Wire Museum. https://www.rushcounty.org/BarbedWireMuseum/

Tacoma, T (2019-2020). Calvin Coolidge and the Great Depression: A New Assessment, Source: The Independent Review, Vol. 24, No. 3 (Winter 2019/20), pp. 361-380. https://www.jstor.org/stable/pdf/45238861.pdf

Wikipedia. 5 Whys. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_whys

Wikipedia. Calvin Coolidge. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calvin_Coolidge

Wikipedia. I do not choose to run. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_do_not_choose_to_run

Wikipedia. Modern flat Earth beliefs. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Modern_flat_Earth_beliefs