Crime Scene Christmas Day

CRIME SCENE CHRISTMAS DAY
Copyright © John thomas Oaks, Caliora Music Publishing, ASCAP

On the day when my kids will empty out a stocking
The chief has got me chalking
Pavement 'round the victims of a drive-by shooting
Then he'll have me scooting
Just across the bridge to raid a meth lab

I've got Bing on the stereo
Egg nog and mistletoe
Family in to celebrate and play
But then the phone started ringing
In the middle of the singing
So I loaded up my Glock and sped away

While the kids are watching Charlie Brown
And hauling out the sleigh
I'll be setting up a drop
As an undercover cop
On a crime scene Christmas day

By the spinet while we hum a Christmas carol
I'm cleaning out my barrel
Munching on a turkey leg and homemade dressing
Counting ev'ry blessing
Then I hear my signal on the scanner

There's a tree yet to decorate
Firelight to contemplate
Apple pie and coffee for dessert
So I'll just let all the fun begin
And hurry back to join 'em when
I catch the pimp and run him down to dirt

While my friends are eating sausage balls
And cookies off a tray
I'll be making an arrest
In my festive Kevlar vest
On a crime scene Christmas day

Oh, the weather outside
Is frightful and gray
And someone's got to keep
All the wolves at bay
So while you cozy up close
I'll be locking up a twerp
Like a pervert, a prostitute
A pusher or a perp

From an unmarked van I'm chowin' on some takeout
While I'm on a stakeout
Waiting for the go-ahead
To shut it down and pack up
Then I hear the backup
Mowing down a gangster in the stairwell

No, I don't like to be a grinch
But someone's got to make the pinch
And send a Christmas message to the thugs:
"Just show your face in my neighborhood
"I'll ship you away for good
"In several little baggies like your drugs."

Though the joy of the season
Thrills me more than I can say,
What a kick when I make
A politician on the take
And I know I'm gonna seize
Six or seven hundred G's
No, there's nothing like a face
Full of pepper spray or mace
On a crime scene Christmas day

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