Cash-Strapped Subway Threatens To Reveal Identities Of Customers Who Eat Subway If They Don’t Pay

In one of the largest corporate blackmail schemes in modern history, the popular fast food chain has reportedly sent the following ultimatum to millions of its customers: "We know who you are. Wire $10,000 by midnight, or the world will know too."

Have a written record of society’s collapse. Become A Member. Get The Paper.
https://membership.theonion.com/?campaign=701a500001geULHAA2