Local Legend “Nutty Disco Dave” Apprehended After Hilariously Unsuccessful Store Robbery Attempt

In a turn of events more surreal than satire, David J. Chapman, also known to his online following as "Nutty Disco Dave," was taken into custody this afternoon following a botched attempt to rob a local convenience store. Witnesses report that Chapman made a less-than-subtle entrance on his beloved Suzuki, blaring the song YMCA as he revved into the parking lot.

According to store employees, Nutty was seen in a makeshift disguise—rumored to be an old wig and a pair of dollar-store sunglasses. In an unplanned twist, the mask reportedly slipped off during the “heist,” leading Nutty to pause mid-robbery to adjust it, as if caught up in his own dramatic retelling of the event.

Authorities say they identified him instantly, thanks to a hilariously accurate police sketch circulated by local artists, capturing his signature wide-eyed glare and the faint shadow of his Suzuki’s outline in the background. "It’s almost like he wanted to be recognized,” commented one bemused officer.

As Nutty Disco Dave was escorted to the police car, witnesses say he shouted, “You’ll never take me from my fans!” adding, in a tone of desperate grandeur, that he was "preserving history." In true Nutty fashion, he continued to insist that this was all part of an elaborate "archive mission," though authorities suspect he may have confused the store with his own distorted version of reality.

Stay tuned as we follow this unfolding saga—Nutty's “fans” are surely waiting to see if he’ll post this debacle on his Rumble channel, accompanied by his usual archive commentary.