Trump Al Smith Dinner roast to Seinfeld Music

"I’d like to thank our M.C. this evening, Jim Gaffigan. Most recently, Jim has been playing Tim Walz on Saturday Night Live. That’ll be a very short gig, Jim, but it was fun while it lasted!... Unfortunately, Governor Walz isn’t here himself. But don’t worry, he’ll say that he was."

"Chuck Schumer is here looking very glum -- But look on the bright side, Chuck, considering how woke your party has become, if Kamala loses, you still have a chance to become the first woman president."

"A major issue in this race is childcare, and Kamala has put forward a concept of a plan... The only piece of advice I would have for her in the event she wins would be not to let husband Doug anywhere near the nannies."

"There’s a group called “White Dudes for Harris”... but I’m not worried about them at all, because their wives and their wives’ lovers are all voting for me."