Letting Kids Grow: From Bonsai to Wildflowers

This is a powerful and insightful perspective on parenting and child development. Let me break down the key ideas and provide some analysis:

1. The Bonsai Tree Analogy:

Initially, the speaker viewed their children as bonsai trees - carefully controlled and shaped to fit a preconceived notion of perfection. This represents a highly interventionist parenting style, where parents meticulously manage every aspect of their children's lives to achieve specific outcomes (in this case, admission to elite colleges).

2. The Shift to Wildflowers:

The speaker's realization that their children are actually "wildflowers of an unknown genus and species" is a beautiful metaphor. It acknowledges that children have their own unique potential and path, which may not be predictable or controllable by parents.

3. Parental Role Redefined:

Instead of shaping and controlling, the speaker now sees their role as:
- Providing a nourishing environment
- Strengthening children through responsibilities (chores)
- Giving and teaching love

4. Autonomy and Self-Determination:

The statement "the college, the major, the career - that's up to them" shows a shift towards respecting the child's autonomy and right to self-determination. This approach aligns with research suggesting that intrinsic motivation and personal choice lead to better outcomes and satisfaction in life.

5. Supporting vs. Directing:

The final line, "My job is not to make them become what I would have them become but to support them in becoming their glorious selves," encapsulates a profound shift in parenting philosophy. It moves from a directive, outcome-focused approach to a supportive, process-oriented one.

This perspective aligns with modern child development theories that emphasize the importance of fostering intrinsic motivation, resilience, and self-discovery in children.

It also touches on the concept of "good enough" parenting, which suggests that perfect control is neither possible nor desirable in child-rearing.

The wildflower metaphor is particularly apt because it implies that, like wildflowers, children:

- Have their own innate beauty and worth
- Thrive best in conditions suited to their nature
- May surprise us with unexpected growth and blooming
- Contribute to a diverse and rich "ecosystem" when allowed to grow naturally

This approach can be challenging for parents, especially in competitive societies where there's pressure for children to achieve specific benchmarks.

However, it potentially leads to more well-adjusted, authentic, and ultimately successful individuals.

If you'd like to elaborate on any particular aspect of this parenting philosophy or its potential impacts feel free to leave a comment below. I'd love to share this topic with you.

Founder and Parent
mybluegenes.com