Giant poo volcano explodes under Chinese highway

Just when you think your daily commute couldn’t get any worse, a road in China just suffered explosive diarrhea, the likes of which is not normally seen outside the more repugnant 4chan greentexts. Nanning, Guangxi has recently been upgrading its sewage system, laying a new section of pipe alongside a busy highway. All that remained was the pressure test. Not just any pressure test either, we’re talking a Code: Taco Bell level test here.

As the test ramped up, thousands upon thousands of liters of hot, pressurized sewage were propelled through the pipe with extreme force. It turns out, the pipe was not able to handle it. The pipe ruptured, sending a horrible dark orange cloud of human waste over 10 meters into the air. The force was so great that a mechanical digger was overturned at the epicenter of the industrial shart and several passing cars were blown off course.

And that’s when it started raining poo. Globules of human waste splattered over windshields and a number of unfortunate passing pedestrians. The horrible cloud blanketed the road in a fine poo mist as clumps continued to rain down from the heavens. At the base of the eruption, the most foul, evil liquid seeped out of the ground, flooding the road and creating a vile lake of boiling excrement of Talmudic proportions. Local authorities have said that no one was injured in the poo explosion, but that appears to be of little solace to those caught in its putrid aftermath. As one driver put it: ‘I'm drenched in poo, my car is splattered yellow. It's ruined.’

The mother of all cleanup operations is now underway.