Smokey Summons David J. Chapman AKA "Nutty Disco Dave"

Dear Nutty Disco Dave,

It’s impressive, really. Not just anyone can produce a book that feels like a treasure hunt—where the treasure is basic grammar, and the hunt is never-ending. Your literary opus has achieved what few can: it’s managed to be a source of both confusion and comedic relief all at once. Truly, it takes a special kind of talent to make even spell-check throw in the towel.

And those sales numbers? Well, every misunderstood genius has to start somewhere, right? Maybe the world just isn’t ready for your unique blend of, shall we say, "creative" language.

But, Dave, here’s the kicker—while you’re polishing your next literary disaster, the Reaper’s over there, sharpening his scythe. He’s already got your name on the list, mate, probably laughing to himself at how long it’ll take to get through your spelling errors before he can even call it. So while you’re busy slinging insults and rewriting the rules of English, the big fellow’s creeping ever closer. You can’t rewrite his story.

Tick-tock, Dave. Tick-tock.

Best of luck,
Your grammatically concerned (and slightly amused) audience