A Satirical Sermon: In Praise of The Everyday Christian – A True Hero of Our Times

Good morning, dear brothers and sisters in Christ! Let me start by saying Hallelujah and Praise the Lord! Yes, you heard me right—you, sitting right there in that pew, half-awake with your Sunday best on, as if that makes you holier. Let me tell you: you're a hero. A true, card-carrying hero of the faith. You see, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but while the world out there is busy congratulating people for doing the bare minimum—like pressing the record button on TikTok while they eat three cheeseburgers in under a minute—you have chosen the narrow path. And let me tell you, that’s no small feat in 2024!

You, my dear, wonderful Christian, who dragged yourself out of bed at the ungodly hour of… 9 AM (let's be honest, it's not that early) to come and sit here in church, possibly after a long week of work, family dramas, footy heartbreaks, or—God forbid—cleaning out the garage. While others are off perfecting their “influencer” careers by uploading cat videos or learning the latest viral dance moves, you, brave soldier of Christ, came here today to honor traditions older than time itself.

And for that, I say: well done!

Because here’s the thing: being a practicing Christian in 2024 is like having dial-up internet in the age of Wi-Fi—nobody quite gets why you’re still sticking with it, but there’s a peculiar sort of respect for your commitment. And why shouldn’t there be? I mean, what do people think you’ve been doing all week? Reading Leviticus for a laugh? No, you’re out there, living life, keeping the faith alive in a world that wants to cancel everything—even Christmas!

But let’s not get bogged down with the negatives. Let’s focus on why we’re here: to give you, dear Christians, a well-earned pat on the back. And while we're at it, let’s celebrate just how unbelievably normal you are. Yep, in a world where people now get praised for making cereal (I kid you not, it’s a “content genre”), it’s high time we praise the things that actually matter.

You came to church today—how bloody refreshing!

In an era where people congratulate themselves for getting out of bed and making a cup of instant coffee, you have chosen the more difficult path: You’ve chosen to get dressed (in real clothes, not pajamas), walk—or drive—all the way to this house of worship, and then proceed to sit and listen to me of all people, talk about things you’ve likely heard a thousand times over.

And let’s face it, that deserves a medal. I mean, if I had a trophy to hand out for “Best Weekly Attempt at Piety,” you’d all be first in line. But here’s the kicker: God sees you. Yep, the Big Guy upstairs, the One who created the stars and the platypus (both equally baffling), He sees you making that effort every Sunday. And don’t think for a second that your effort isn’t recognized.

You think God isn’t paying attention? He’s the original multitasker! While the world’s busy binge-watching Netflix or debating the latest "hot take" on Twitter, God’s there, smiling, watching you slide into that pew, resisting the urge to check your phone every five minutes. If that doesn’t make you a modern-day disciple, I don’t know what does.

And let’s talk about what it means to be a Christian in 2024.

In the age of "likes," "shares," and "viral moments," where your success is measured by how many followers you have (unless, of course, they’re following Jesus—then we’re onto something), you are here, choosing to follow a message that's 2,000 years old. You’re the ones who still care about kindness, generosity, and love for your neighbour. Not because it looks good on Instagram, but because Jesus told you to. That, my friends, is next-level dedication.

While others are busy inventing new ways to be offended or posting another “inspirational” quote they found on Pinterest, you are quietly doing the hard yards. And might I add, you’re doing it without the fanfare! No one’s lining up to congratulate you on giving your life to Jesus in a culture that prefers you keep your faith as quiet as possible.

But guess what? You don’t care. You’re not doing it for applause. You’re doing it because it’s the right thing to do. And for that, we owe you a standing ovation.

Now, a word to our brothers and sisters overseas.

For those of you practicing Christianity in places where, let’s be honest, being a Christian can land you in hot water (or worse), thank you. Seriously, thank you. In a time when it’s fashionable to criticize every institution, you are standing firm, keeping the faith alive under immense pressure. You are the true unsung heroes of our time. If heaven had a VIP section (and I'm not suggesting it does, but work with me), you’d be in it. Forget the Instagram influencers, you’re the real deal.

Now, before I close, let’s address the elephant in the room: why does practicing Christianity today feel a bit like swimming upstream?

Because, let’s face it, being a Christian isn’t exactly what it used to be. You’re no longer the cultural majority. In fact, in some circles, being a Christian is as countercultural as a mullet at a black-tie dinner. But that’s okay! Jesus never said this would be easy. He said it’d be worth it.

And here’s the good news: You’re here. You’re still showing up. You’re keeping the flame of faith alive, and in a world that’s obsessed with the new, the flashy, and the superficial, you’re the rock that keeps standing firm. So, give yourselves a round of applause (and I mean literally, go on, I’ll wait).

In closing:

I want to thank you. Yes, YOU. Not for doing something as trivial as mastering the latest TikTok dance or having the perfect brunch photo on Instagram, but for being faithful. For choosing tradition, for keeping the message of Christ alive in a world that’s increasingly hostile to it. You are the salt of the earth, the light of the world, and if anyone’s deserving of a real “like” or “share,” it’s you.

Keep coming. Keep praying. Keep being the everyday Christians that you are. Because in a world full of noise, you are the ones who are still listening to the quiet, eternal whisper of God.

And remember, if anyone tells you that being a Christian isn’t cool anymore, just remind them that salvation is forever. Now that’s something worth trending for.

Amen, and God bless you all.

Senator Papahatziharalambrous