Katy Perry - The Therapist on Viceland (Witness World Wide)

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5xdxme

Everyone that's watching at home, I'm sitting here with the amazing Dr. Suri. How do you say your last name? Suri Satnam Singh. Satnam Singh. Yes. I love that. And we're going to do a, um, a- Actual, real therapy session. Therapy session. We have spoken previously and gotten to know each other on the phone. And, you know, this is a very intimate thing. Therapy is typically very intimate. It always is. And now we're doing it as an exercise to show you kind of what that looks like. Um, and, uh, Dr. has been working for forever, his whole life. Licensed marriage and family therapist. Receiving a PhD in the depth of, uh, in-depth psychology from Pacifica. His writings present a holistic perspective on well-being. And you've previously worked as a clinical doctor, a group facilitator, consultant, and trainer in the social service agencies. Yes. So you are- you've done it all. Yeah, right? And you are now here with us on Witness Worldwide. And I am just so happy to be here. Um, I, uh, have been in therapy for five years. And- Sit back, relax. Okay. Well, it's chan- it's changed my life. Okay. Um, and, ugh, I'm already there. But, um, usually, you know, everything is very confidential in therapy. And that's, like, if- if you're a licensed therapist, everybody's like, I could never tell, you know, my deepest, darkest secrets to anyone. And we, like, swallow them, and we keep them, and they become petrified. And actually, you know, the things that you fear, or whatever your secrets are, um, that's why therapy's amazing. And also things that you don't even know that you have, traumas from childhood, um, and all this stuff. So I'm just so happy to be here. And I'm gonna drop into being present. Yes. So we're gonna call you Catherine, right? Yes, Catherine. Catherine is here. Yeah. Katie's gonna take a rest for a minute. Oh, thank you so much. I just, like, that's what I'm trying to do, is to be seen as Catherine Hudson sometimes. Yes. Well, a lot of times. Yes. When does Catherine come out and play? Um, a lot. When I- I- Catherine comes out and play- plays when I'm with my sister and my family. When I don't have to, you know, take care of that situation. Um, like if I- on holidays I have to do, you know, a little bit- I don't have to, but I choose to. Mm-hmm. Um, but when I can just rest and relax, and kind of, like, fall and surrender, that's when Catherine gets to come out. Because, uh, sometimes, you know, I- I built up this Katy Perry thing that everybody knows, and that's the reason why they're tuning in. And it's fantastic, but, um, it's, uh, more of a facade than it is a real- It was very interesting. Did you notice your behavior? And Katy? Oh, yes, my behavior, yeah. And then Catherine sat back in the chair. Yes. So, Katy gets a lot of attention, doesn't she? She sure does. Uh-huh. Maybe almost too much. Yeah. So, we were talking about in our prequel of the four primary- Yes. Archetypal presences for a woman. Yes. And Katy, we're going to give her some attention today. Sure. Is the priestess, and- and actually a goddess. Thank you. Actually a goddess. Thank you. And- Worked hard on that one. Yeah, and so she's the one that really elevates others and inspires and actually goes into the unconscious and makes things come forth that is there that others don't have the courage to bring forth into the light. Catherine is the self. And Catherine may be going underground a little bit. Uh-huh. Catherine is the one that maybe has feelings that are not really acknowledged, expressed- Or evolved. Or evolved. Uh-huh. Talk about that. What feelings are not evolved that you want to touch? Well, I- I mean, I think Catherine is always there because Catherine represents this child. And, like, I have such a connection to children because I am childlike, and that's how I operate, and that's how I express myself in- in really simplistic feelings, like joy and hope and happiness and dancing and singing. And, you know, I- I- I, um, I guess that would be me being a child. So that is Catherine. But, um- So how was Catherine growing up as a child? I know nothing about your childhood. Catherine growing up. Well, I love my parents. Yes. And I grew up, um, with a lot of, um, born-again Christian beliefs around me. And so I, um- I, um, had people around me, like-minded people like that. And I would say that it was a bit of a bubble. Um, although I- I don't regret or think I could change anything because- I want you to feel what you're saying. Okay. I don't regret or think I could change anything because I know I can't. But, um, um, it was- it wasn't always that easy, um, because, you know, it was very strict. And, um, I was a very curious person. And, um, uh, the curiosity sometimes- sometimes it wasn't allowed because you had to have faith. So my- I- it was hard for me sometimes to be curious about what was going on in the rest of the world. So I'm hearing Catherine was even underground in your childhood experience. Maybe. My parents I love and they did the best job that- they did the best job. And we're not going to pathologize your parents by no means. No. But we want to deepen into Catherine and- and Catherine's experience in growing up in that family, in that environment. And so what I'm hearing is that you had these maybe fundamental or rules and ways of being in the world that may not have been in sync with who Catherine really was because she was curious. Mm-hmm. Am I making any sense to you? Curious as a cat. Curious as a cat. What did some of that curiosity lead you to that was not permitted or that you wanted to investigate? Well, I- I- I mean I was curious about what was going on in the rest of the world and how other people lived and what they saw as they were living and I felt- I had the biggest fear- FOMO. I felt- I felt like I was missing out. Okay. And so, you know, I wanted to- I wanted to like work on my purpose, work on my craft so that I could travel the world and like have these experiences, meet these people, like re-educate my mind. And that is partially why I started singing is, you know, to pop my own bubble, to get out of my own situation. Mm-hmm. Who are you trying to get out of from your experience? Just who are you trying to get out of? I guess I was just trying to get out of one way of thinking. Okay. What was that thinking like? I don't know anything about it. Um, the thinking was like, um, it was like, you know, it was- it was like just do as I say, no ifs, ands, or buts. And it wasn't- it was like, you know, it was- it was based on my religious upbringing. And I just always- like I have so many questions. I ask all the questions in the world, and all the questions in the world have gotten me to where I'm at now. Um, and I wasn't- I didn't- it's not that I wasn't allowed. It's just that like it wasn't normal for people to ask questions in my position. You know, the client splits off their unconscious onto the therapist. I got very sad, some sadness when you were talking about that. I don't know if you're able to feel it, but it was split off to me. Am I connecting to something? Yeah, a little bit. That sadness. So I'm hearing that that was the adaptive personality. You know, you had to adapt to your environment. And you had an instinctual truth. Yeah, it was something I didn't learn. It was so weird. It's like it came from nowhere. And that caused a spiritual alienation that you had to go against your own calling of your own individual soul. My soul, yeah. And- but I loved all of it, but it was- it always- I always just felt like I was called for more. Called for more? Yeah. Uh-huh. And it was out there. Yeah. And I didn't know how to get it. And so I guess I- I, you know, started singing. Yes. That's how I got there. Well, I think it's okay because, you know, we sometimes are obliged to let go of old ways of doing things to have a larger life. And that's what happened. Yeah. That became Katie. Yeah. But Catherine is still carrying some- Well, it's not gonna happen- You call the word for me. I guess it's- What are the feelings? I guess it's not gonna happen in one day, right? No. It's gonna be a process, and that's why I- That's what therapy is, a process. It's no destination. You're processing. Yeah. No, I'm just like- I guess- I guess that, like- It's okay. It's okay, Catherine. I guess that, like, you know, I'm really strong as Katie Perry. Yes. That sometimes I'm not as strong as Catherine Hudson and, like- And Catherine doesn't have to be strong. But, you know, people, like, talk about my hair, right? Yes. And they don't like it or they wish that, like, it was longer. Uh-huh. And, like, I so badly want to be Catherine Hudson that I don't even want to look like Katie Perry anymore sometimes. Okay. And, like, that is a little bit of why I cut my hair is because I really want to be my authentic self, like, 100%. I understand. And so it hurts, you know, when I don't feel like I can. So what do you- Wow, that's- That's a lot to carry. Well, yeah, but- That dichotomy. Yeah, I know. I mean, I did it. You did do it. I did do it. And you're doing it. Okay. I made the choice, right? Katie is successful. Okay. I made the choice for sure. But, like, you know- These are two different presences. And also, like, the thing is, is, like, women don't have to be or people don't have to be just one thing, you know? And, like, you can grow and I'm in my 30s now and I'm not the same person I was four months ago. No. You know? And I think that's beautiful because of the re-education, evolution, and, like, I love growing. I love learning. Yes. And, you know, sometimes it's hard when people want you just to be, like, a time capsule of what you were. Even in, like, my own family and things like that, even with my friends, you know? Mm-hmm. But it's just my journey, I guess. I can't control anything else. So, your fantasy and your curiosity created this great goddess, this- Your fantasy did that. Your curiosity did that. So, you must give yourself- Yes? All right? Yeah, sure. I love- I'm so blessed. I understand. So grateful. I understand. You have- I love my life and I'm so blessed and I know a lot of people have given me this opportunity and, you know, I don't take it for granted. I don't take it lightly. No. And I love my family and my friends and I try and do my best, like, my intentions. I always try and set the right intention every morning. Yes. But I'm human and I'm living under this crazy microscope. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. And I made that choice but it's not always like- Yes. Yes. Well, let's throw the word out. There's a dichotomy. There's a- Yeah. A real conflict between Katy and Catherine Hudson. Sure, because look at Katy Perry. She's so glamorous. Yes. She's rich. She's luxurious, successful. Yes. And, like, Catherine Hudson, like, I didn't have any money. I didn't have any influence. I didn't have anything. That was- So, for your- So, it's a bit hard to go back there. Can we say for your fans that you are presenting that you have the formula? Yeah, for sure. You have- That's the whole point of this whole thing is that if people can see that, you know, at the end of the day is I'm just like them- Yes. Then they can dream just as big. Yes. You know? Yes. But Catherine, who has a lot of hurt and unevolved feelings, I'm taking your words. He called it. Katy gets all the attention. Sure does. There's a Kahuna principle. Energy, attention goes, what is it? Energy, it's all about success. That wherever we give our energy to and our attention to, that's what develops. That's what evolves. So, Katy is bigger than life, but Catherine gets a little bit of time. Well- Katy has the formula. Yeah. But the same formula will apply to Catherine, that she can be just as evolved and happy and content. And I think that like, I mean, I've been writing songs about this. So, I wrote this one song for this record called Mind Maze. How, you know, sometimes it's hard to navigate this world. Yes. And I wonder if I just push the reset button and surrender to love and surrender to loving myself, that like I would still be able to have all the things that I dream I could have as Catherine Hudson. And I knew it would be a delicate balance. It even talks about that in the lyrics. Like all, planning all these, spinning all these plates is a delicate balance because it's a thousand of them. And with witness, you know, I think that's the main point of this is that like, like, I don't know if I even, I want to be seen and heard, but like, I want to be seen and heard for real, I guess. And I think everyone wants to be seen and heard. Like, people don't want to be seen and heard just because of the pictures they post on Instagram or the filters that they pick. Like, that's not the head that lays down on the pillow. You know, like that's not the head that lays down on the pillow next to your partner. You don't get a filter. That's just real, true intimacy. And I think sometimes like we hide behind like all these things like Instagram or, you know, and I do the same thing. I create this character, but like that makes it so much harder to be real and intimate with people. Do you know what I'm saying? Because like they meet you for the first time and if they've been following you or in any circumstance, even your friend that you just meet for the first time, you see their Instagram, they're like a totally different person. Like who are people? Who are they? Yeah. I'm very respectful of you. It's like, you know, everybody wants a big house. I'm sure you have one. We all do. Yeah. We all want a big house. You know, like everybody dreams that way, of course. But we always spend time developing the quality of the house. What about the quality of the lives of people living in them? Yeah, of course. That's what I hear you and that you're trying to do today. I'm trying to do today. Yes. And I fall short all the time. No, you don't falter. You just don't give Catherine a lot of attention. Well, that's changing, Doctor. Yeah. So if you begin to give Catherine attention, what would that look like? Well, you would see that she's a massive dork. Okay. And that's coming out all the time. I'm a bit more nerdy than everybody thinks I am pinup. Okay. Which means it's like, you know, like I'm just a goofball and I like to play a lot. I like to, I love humor and I like to make people laugh. I like to laugh myself. And I love music. I think you're recovering your childhood. Catherine never got a chance to play because Catherine had rules to do. Yes? Catherine couldn't play. Catherine had, I don't want to use the word rigid, but would that be appropriate? Is that too strong? No, I mean it was a little rigid, yeah. Okay, it was rigid. So you couldn't dance and sing. I didn't know how to play, no. You didn't know how to play. I actually didn't even really know how to play with my nieces for a long time. Okay. Because I didn't even know what that looked like. Yes, yes, yes. I was telling everyone last night in the live stream that, that like I just learned how to hug. Oh. Because I was like, I always thought it was like, you know. Too intimate. Too intimate. Like a sexual thing. Of course. You know? Yes, yes. Like a hug is a sexual thing. That's right. Someone's going to feel my boobs or something like that. Yes, yeah. And I didn't realize that that's not everybody's intention. Yes, yes, yes. It's just a hug. It's just to like connect. Yeah, yeah. So I just learned that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if, how old was Catherine? I think she stopped growing at a certain age. And I think the fantasy of Catherine went into Katie. Yeah. All of that great childhood fantasy went into Katie. Sure. And made this bigger than life personality. Yeah. Okay? Sure. So when did Catherine stop? How old would you say Catherine is right now? She's eleven. Yeah. She's eleven. Because I started singing when I was nine. Okay. And then maybe I realized like, then I started realizing eleven, twelve, thirteen, I started going to Nashville. Yeah. To become more professional, you know? Yes. To learn how to write a song. And I love Nashville. But yeah, I started getting, turning pro at eleven or what have you. So could you say that's perhaps the reason that a lot of the feelings are unevolved? Because Catherine's only eleven. Yeah. But I'm a quick study. You're a quick study. So now that you have the concept and the vision, and the understanding, maybe Catherine can grow up to be twenty-one and be hugged. Hugged and have a glass of wine. But not yet. I'm going to eat one after this. All my makeup is just like off. What do I look like? No one cares. That's Katie, she's concerned. She don't care. So, wow. Now you cut your hair off because you don't like being Katie sometimes. Well, no. I mean, I'm such a chameleon always. But yeah. You're a performer. I'm a performer. An excellent performer. Thank you. And a great performer. Thank you. Let's not take anything away from Katie. No, of course. Don't dismiss any of it. I'm like, honestly, I'm only here because of, like, I'm only sitting in this chair because I'm Katie Perry. Okay, she sat up again. Oh, sorry. She was just like, she's still here. Catherine's going. Katie's not going anywhere. It's that struggle. Right? Wow. Sorry. That's so sorry. Doctor, I'm a bizarre person in general. I don't like that word. Why? I don't mind it. What's the connotation of bizarre? Bizarre. Can we get a refrain there? That you're a very interesting. I'm an eccentric. Eccentric. Exotic. Ooh, I love an exotic. Exotic. Okay, good. Intriguing. Intriguing. Thank you. Yeah, I don't like bizarre. Okay, I'm exotic and eccentric from now on. Okay. Hashtag exotic, hashtag eccentric. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the hair, talk about that. Because, you know, hair is extensions of your nerves. Ooh. So that's why I think. I got some short nerves. Well, I mean, you know, like, I always think hairdressers. We actually had an article in my master's program. Hairdressers are not therapists. Oh, right. Therapists are not hairdressers, right? But sometimes hairdressers, you can talk to them while. Exactly, because they're in your nervous system. Okay. They're stirring up all that nervous energy. Yeah. And that's why people are so relaxed at a hairdresser, even at a barber, because you're dealing with that person's nervous system. So they go. And the hairdresser just listens. Right. Like a good therapist that listens. Right, holds the space. Wow, wow. So Catherine is 11. So that means with relationships, she probably didn't get a chance to develop the art and science of dating. Not yet. No. But, I mean, I've had some good ones. Yeah. And, like, you know, I love them all in a certain way, and they've taught me so many things. And maybe I'm a little older because, like, at 11 I'd be like, nah, nah, nah. Yeah, yeah. And now with relationships, even if they don't hit whatever figurative finish line you're supposed to hit, I think that they all teach me something, you know? So you may be 16 because you've been dating. I've been dating, yeah. You've been dating. But, like, you know, I haven't found the person or figured out how to have, you know, a child with someone yet, but that would be a goal that I'd want in the future. Okay. But, you know, it was no one's fault. It's no one's fault. It's all just a lesson. Yes, yes. So can Catherine be okay with herself that she's learning how to date and to have relationships and to learn who men are and how they operate? Yeah. And maybe Catherine is not so evolved with her feelings and doesn't know how to be vulnerable and is scared to be vulnerable. They're scared just to hug. Well, yeah, strangers. Strangers. So, I mean, of course, you start dating. He's a stranger. Yeah, I guess so. So then it's a learning process. Yeah. You think you could give yourself some credit and time and space to develop along those lines and show the dork? I want to show the dork. Show the dork. I literally want to show the dork. Like, I just want a dork to match. Because, like, I look for, you know, there's five things I look for. Yes. And the five things I am looking for are, first and foremost, my love language is music, so I love music. Okay. And I love speaking through music, and I love someone that understands music. You know, as simple as knowing, having good taste. Yes. It could be someone that loves jazz, you know. They don't have to be in the music industry. And then, second, a sense of humor, because life sometimes is just a little too much unless you laugh. Yeah, yeah. And then, third, I would like someone to be intelligent so that I can learn. Of course. Whether it's emotionally intelligent, spiritual intelligence. And then, fourth, spiritual. Okay. I want someone that really, like, you know, knows that, like, there's something more than them. It doesn't have to be, you know, any belief system. It can just be that there's something more than them. It's not just us. And then, lastly, I like someone that's powerful. I like someone that puts all of that power into play, you know, into action. But, you know, and that's a tall order to ask for, especially for someone who's barely 16. Yeah. You know, I know. And, like, maybe some of it hasn't always been fair along the way. Talk about that not being fair. Someone that didn't get you. Somebody that did not understand that Catherine is evolving and she's not where she would like to be. You don't have to mention the name. No, I know. Yeah. But I've had a lot of really nice ones, and one of them in particular has been, like, a really amazing example of a man. And, you know, a gentleman. And I had to push pause on that because I had to grow. You know, I couldn't grow together because, like, two halves don't make a whole. Well. Okay? Okay. One whole makes something. Two wholes make two. Two wholes make two. And so I had to grow. And, you know, I'm just, like, I'm really grateful for someone like him who, like, mended my wings and, you know, holds a space for me so that I can't grow and doesn't judge me, you know, even if I can be. I can judge. Sometimes I'm a little judgy. But that's just my ego. Or maybe your upbringing. My upbringing, yeah. I mean, probably from some of my conditioning, but, yeah. What do you think of your next date you introduce yourself like you did to me as Catherine? Why did I laugh? Because you've never done it. Right? You've never done it. Catherine needs attention. Yeah, I guess so. There's got to be all of those five components out there in a man. Oh, for sure. I have tons of friends, and I have tons of family members, and, like, I may be single, but I'm not really lonely. Of course I'd love companionship. I mean, like, it would be amazing to have companionship because this is a wild-ass ride I'm on. Yes, yes, yes, yes. It's a roller coaster. It's a roller coaster, and I'd love to throw my hands up in the air with someone. You know what I'm saying? Yes, yes, yes. But it'll happen, and I'm just creating that space right now for it to happen in the right way. Yes. Well, one component that stood out to me that was very, he's got to be powerful. I mean, you said five. You cannot have no little weak. Well, I just need what I would like, what I would love, is just someone that, you know, maybe has done the work as well. Yes. You know, meaning, like, has dug deep, has pulled out whatever is not serving them in their life. They are a whole person, a healed person. That's what I want, but, like, I have to be that as well. Well, I have the image of a powerful man just like Katie, who's also 21. Sure, I got five more years. Five more years. You know that he's spent a lot of time in business, his career, making money, getting famous. Or not. I'm not. I don't even care about that. Or behind the scenes, but probably got money, probably. Doesn't have to. I actually, like, I just want someone that understands. Understands. You know, and it doesn't, they don't have to have money. They don't have to be famous. They just have to understand, and sometimes in order to. But powerful. But powerful, but sometimes to understand, you have to definitely be in these fields. But I can understand a man who was powerful who also had developed his emotional self. Yeah. I've done it. Oh, I got tissue here. Oh. Thank you. Thank you. We love her. Hey, girl. Do I look like the hottest mess ever? No. That's okay. That can't happen. No. Wow. So what are you feeling now? What feelings are there? Relief. Relief. A little bit of relief. Oh, God. Like, expansion. Yes. You know? Like, I feel like, I feel like it's not, like, some people are just going to look and have a judgment, you know, and be. Who cares? Who cares? I can't, I really can't control what they think. No. I never could. But I guess I can live my most authentic self. And, like, you know, you were talking about the angel cards earlier. And I pulled an angel card two years ago. Yes. And this was after I was done with my last record. And all the cards said was authenticity. Oh, I was just getting ready to mention that word. I swear in the heavens. And I just paused and I stopped and I was like, authenticity. Authenticity. I just got to be the most authentic person. Let's look at inauthentic of some of the risks. So if you're inauthentic, we can anesthetize through substances. Has that ever happened? Oh, yeah. Okay. Which substance? Alcohol. Alcohol. I've had a dance with the devil. Okay. I wrote a song about it on this record. Okay. It's called Dance with the Devil. And I'm, you know, I'm sensitive as it is. Yes. And so, like, I can't, like, I'm that girl that has two glasses, right? And I'm like... Okay. Even, like, one glass of wine. And so I just really have to be balanced. I have to really know my limits. And so sometimes I have to take a break. Okay. And especially when, like, I'm not in a good place. That's when I use it, you know, to numb myself. Inauthentic. We go in the ways of what when you're inauthentic, the risk. You can anesthetize through substances. It's called anesthetizing? Anesthetize. Oh, anesthetize. Anesthetize. Yeah. You can externalize with anger. Well, sometimes I felt like, you know, I would have to, like, have a couple of drinks to go somewhere. Okay. Because I am Katy Perry out in the outside world. Yes. And so it would be hard, you know, to, like, be tired. Or it would be hard to be, like, you know, not witty or funny. Or just, like, whatever it is. You know, it wouldn't... It's always being on. So you can anesthetize with substances. You can externalize with anger. Do you ever get angry or hysterical or out of control? Yeah. Well, I would say anger... Angry, like, but that's because I let it build. That's why I meditate. Yes. That's helped me. That's why I do yoga now. Yes. You know, it's helped me. And, like... And it's not just me. It's, like, I feel like everybody in the world... We're going through so much stuff these days. You know? That's being flung at us, like, never before. This information and some of it being traumatizing. And then, you know, some... There are lives out there that they're really going through serious problems. Yes. And losing family members or, like, having sickness. And I can't even imagine that. And I can't even understand it. But, like, you know, if I could ever be a witness or hold space, you know, whichever way I can, I empathize, you know? Yeah. You care. I care. I empathize. Yes. But there are little tools. And I found meditation and yoga and therapy to be these tools. And, like, honestly, I'm in therapy with my family. And it's amazing. Yes. It's so beautiful because, like, you know, my family gets to talk and be a family. Yes. And, like, you know, I get to hear my father speak, who I love so much. And I get to hear my mother speak, who I love so much. Okay. Okay. Just feel the love. And let it move through you. And I didn't really hear them. Yeah. And it's – and I've tried to listen for them more and hold the space and have compassion for them and, like, love them in an authentic way, you know, because it wasn't always easy because we have very different viewpoints. But now we can agree to disagree in loving space. And so I'm just so grateful for this kind of tool. And I know that this is available for a lot of people. They just have to, like, investigate it. Yes. Go online. That's why the internet was created is, you know, to access tools. Yes. To go online and find it. You just mentioned two other risks for being inauthentic. You can internalize it and you become depressed. We've been there. Did you ever have some bouts of where Katie just couldn't – didn't want to go on? Yeah. I wrote a song about it. Okay. That's what I guess I do. That's how I process is I write songs. And you get rid of those feelings. Well, yeah, some of them. Some of them don't come out fully, and that's why I still do the work. Which song was that? What lyric comes to your mind? By the Grace of God. Can you say a few of those lyrics? They're very close to you. They're very close. They're heartfelt. It's hard, like I say, get on tour. Okay. And it's hard because I'm ashamed. Oh. Because, of course, Katy Perry's so strong. We're talking to Catherine. She's sitting back. But it's hard because I feel ashamed that I would even, like, have those thoughts, you know? I'd feel that low or that depressed. Then if you didn't get them out, you could act them out. We don't want that. No. We don't want that. So it's good that you got them out. Yeah, and I wrote that song By the Grace of God because, you know, I do believe in something much bigger than me. And I call that God for me. And, you know, I get to live this wonderful life, and I work very hard at it. Yes, you do. And I've been given this gift, but I know that, like, God has his hand on me. And I know that sometimes I go through things, and I think they're just too intense. I can't handle them. And then he swoops in, and he shows me that it's his grace that brings me through it. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. It's okay. Let it go. It's just Catherine here. Catherine does not have to be strong. You're being Catherine. Remember I said at the very beginning there was some slow sadness coming through me? This is the sadness of Catherine that you're now feeling and allowing to come forth. Bravo. She wants to let that go. This is called authentic. And then also what we really don't want to happen, if you're inauthentic, not just you but all of us, is that you can somaticize it. What's that mean? Oh, that means symptoms will come in your body. What does that look like? Well, all those diseases that are out there. We don't pathologize anyone who has an illness. No. But yet we may have a part in it. And so often I've worked with individuals who have, quote, incurable diseases. Sure. And they've gone into remission and dealing with the mental emotional component, that the physical symptom disappeared. So the symptom is always the key to home. The symptom is the key to the cure. For example, I mean, you know, the cancers, even diabetes, all of those things have an emotional component. Sure. And, like, sometimes I've seen individuals who have symptoms, they go to the doctor and the doctor says, I don't know what's wrong. Well, like a hypochondriac. I've been that. Okay. Or when you go online and you diagnose yourself on WebMD. Yeah. No, don't do that. Yeah. What symptoms are you having? The doctor says, there's nothing wrong with you. I know. I've done that, actually. Okay. Okay. So you see, if we make a choice of being inauthentic, if Catherine can't live, then you're at risk for anesthetizing through substances, externalizing through anger, internalizing through depression, or creating symptoms in your body. We don't want that. No, thank you. None of that. No, thank you. So shame and hurt and sadness and love and joy, wherever we are, here we come. Come as you are. Come as you are. I always say, nobody can die for you and nobody can live for you. Right. If you don't live for you, you're wasting your life. It's a waste. Katie's living. That girl is hot. She be living. She's on fire. She is hot. Okay. She has ridden the lion. Okay. She has played the Super Bowl. Okay. She is. Katie, Catherine Hudson just wants to get in the sandbox. Hey, and she should. Yeah. She should. And be the little dork and the 16-year-old, 11-year-old. There may be some periods that were missed. Yeah. Like in playing with, did you mention your nieces? Was it your nieces? Yeah, my nieces, my two nieces. What do they do that you never did? Well, I guess I did it all. I just, they do it in a different way. My sister, who I love so much, and my brother-in-law, who I love so much. You know that my sister's husband is Danish, and he speaks to his kids in Danish, which is amazing. Wow. It's so beautiful. And so my nieces, Stella and Vega, they're just so happy. And like, I guess they just create a really safe place for them to fall, you know, or learn or try. And I feel like sometimes we live in a world that doesn't create a safe place anymore for anyone to try. Okay. Which is hard, I think, for everyone, because everyone, I think at their human core, at their core, they want to try. And we need teachers and guides to help us along the way. Yeah. I think therapy is one way to, just to be that guide. To have a guide. But, no, I just, I'm so happy. So, what are some of the things that Catherine didn't get a chance to do that your nieces? So, you have a safe space. If you have a safe space to do, to recover your childhood. Well, I just do, like, you know, I'm just a goofball. Goofball. What does that look like? I don't know. Dancing. Okay. And being weird and putting the tutus on the head and, you know, like, just, and I get to do it with my whole family. And my whole family are doing, they're all doing it now and we're all healing and it's amazing. Like, our family time together is better than it's ever been. Like, I used to think about, you know, like I used to see, like, my friends, you know, one of my friends has an incredible relationship with her parents. Like, she wants to go on holiday with them. And I'm like, oh, heck no. But, like, now I want to go on holiday. I can't wait for Christmas time. You know, like, so there's been such a healing because of therapy and I'm so grateful for it. And, like, even with, even with, like, our political time, right? Okay. So they believe one thing and I think one thing. They think one thing, I think one thing. But it's okay. And, like, I talk to them and sometimes it's hard to hear, but I still listen and they respect that. And, like, I, like, you know, they listen to me because I've given, I've created a safe space for them as well. You know, it's equal. So it's been amazing to be able to learn, you know, from my parents. I think it's almost, like, I almost feel like it was meant to be that way. Like, I was meant to learn that lesson through my parents that, like, it's not all one side and it's not all the other side. And that we have to speak with each other, not at each other. Yes. The word that comes up to me is maybe a new word for you, phenomenological. Sorry? I can't even say that word. Phenomenological. Phenomenological. In other words, everything in life is a thing. I'm not in terms of devastating it. Culture, nature, people, we experience them as phenomenons. So I can think of one of my teachers who said, value the differences. Do not evaluate the differences. Right. Value the differences. In other words, just witness people. Just be with them. Yeah. They can be whoever they are. No one is trying to change any. I'm not trying to change no one. You know, I just want to witness people. And I think other people want to be witnessed as well. Like, we can only change ourselves. We know that. We can only change ourselves. So I hear that some of the rigid rules in your family are breaking down to where now they're a little bit more open system rather than a closed system. There's feelings. Yes. And communication. Yes. Which are terrifying, I think. They were terrifying for us. Yes. Maybe terrifying for other people. Yes. And we are so close now. And like, we're on the journey of healing. And I'm so grateful. Like, I love my family. I love putting pictures of my family up. I've seen that the older that we get, we sort of relax a little bit more. Sure. We're not as rigid and doctrinaire and judgmental. We like, we want to be loved and appreciated. Well, my therapist says something amazing the other day. You have one choice. And I'm going to paraphrase because I'm going to get it wrong. To be right or to be loved. Okay. You know? Do you want to be right or do you want to be loved? Okay. I just want to be loved. Hey. You know? I can set aside all those ideas or things I think. I just want to be loved. What about the people that don't love you? Because they're out there. Hi. They're out there. What do you do with those? Well, I used to try and combat that. Mm-hmm. But that's not, I can't, again, I can't change that. You can love them. I can't change them. Honestly, like, and I don't mean this in like a catty way. Like, I see everyone as children. Okay. And I see, like, even the people that don't like me or the people that have a problem with me or whatever. First and foremost, I'm sorry if anything's ever been misunderstood. I try and move and work with so many pure intentions with integrity and character, and I just get it wrong sometimes. And I see them as children, though, and, like, I don't want to, I don't want, I don't want, I don't want to hurt them. I don't want to judge them. I don't want, you know, I don't want anything bad for them. I really just want, God bless them on their journey. And I hope that they can do the same for me. Maybe they can't, but. I would think people who don't love you probably don't love themselves. I can't control whatever people think. No, you can't, but you could maybe have that understanding. Yeah. That, you know, the place that you are now where you're letting your parents be who they are, you're just experiencing them. Those individuals are not letting you be who you are and not having a nonjudgmental face towards you. So I would venture to say they're not loving. It may be some of the still, the split off of your family of origin, your upbringing to where there was some judgmentality there, rigidity. And it still may be manifesting outside of you a little bit. Sure. If you didn't believe in the way that was told to believe, then you were. Exactly. Not a part of the conversation. Were you ostracized or shamed or talked about? Say for instance, give us one situation where you did something that was not according to the principles. I mean. Or was that more than once? I couldn't even give you one. Oh, you didn't do any. No, I did, I did, I did. I always, you know, I loved learning, even in church. But like, you know, and my mom and I, we have such a great relationship. And like, I sang, I used to sing this song in church called Come As You Are. Okay. By Crystal Lewis, who I love, Crystal Lewis. And like, I feel like sometimes, like, the church does more judging than loving. Okay. And that's why it doesn't feel safe for me sometimes. Okay. And like, if I was to come as I am, how would I be accepted? Because this is who I am, you know? Or this is who I'm developing into. So, I think my mom understands that even more so now than ever. That, you know, less judgment, and I deal a lot with judgment. I've been very judgy in the past. But less judgment, more compassion. More come as you are, you know? And I just feel like that would... So, the word God is real for you? Oh, absolutely, 100%. Okay. So, does God judge us? He lets us live, or he, she, whatever. Let's us live and take our mistakes. And lets us cut our hair off. And let us put wigs on and whatever we want to do. And we still live. We still have a chance. I mean, yes. I believe in, you know, the cause of law and effect. Yes. So, I know that every action has a reaction. Okay, I agree. And I believe in positive and negative and yin and yang and all those things. Okay, yes. So, I don't think that like you can say I'm a good person and go well and do the opposite. Okay. And that breed good things. Okay. So, I understand that. And that's kind of my philosophy is just like living by cause and effect. I think that's absolutely correct. I don't think there's a right or wrong because... What, who's to say? Yeah. I mean, you may have come from a world or a place where that's right for you. That was your culture. That was like how were you raised. There are some like basics. Yes, yes. But... Yes. Those are like the Ten Commandments. Yes, yes. I mean, but even... Who do we dare bring that up? Like in terms of killing another individual, there's an absolute with that. We have a government that can go to war and kill people and it's okay. We can kill an individual in self-defense. It's okay. We can kill a person to get their money. That is not okay. You'll go to jail for that if you get caught. So there's no absolutes in the creation is what I'm getting at. Right. Wow. There are no absolutes. There are consequences though. Yeah, sure. Yeah. There's a labyrinth of choices and we make choices and those choices will have consequences. They'll have reactions. Yeah. So how do you know these days when the choice is going to bring the consequences that you want? Where do you go? Is it here? Is it here? Is it your staff? Is it your therapist? It's a combination. Okay. It's a combination, but I try and go here. Okay. You know, because the head will just like... Tell me about it. It'll try and overthink the whole thing and like the heart will just say, wait, patience, save his draft. Mm-hmm. You know, let the universe take care of it. It's not your job. Like revenge is not yours or what have you. Don't be so catty. Don't be such a troll, you know, on the internet. Like try and be an example. Be kind and I have great people around me that I've had my whole career and my sister and my brother and my parents now are great reflections of kindness and love and empathy. So it's a combination of things, but I really try and lead with my heart. You know, which like is slow, too slow for everyone else, but it takes time. Why do you say that? Well, the head is all about time. Okay. Do you know? Like the head is all about time. It's like you got to do this, got to do this, blah, blah, blah. It's all about like strategy. Oh. But the heart is like sometimes... I don't feel it. Sometimes it's like this strategy is strange and it's giving me a yellow light. Okay. It's making my heart turn yellow. And what do you do with those situations? I got to listen to them. And you go against your heart and go into your head. Sometimes I do. Okay. And sometimes my ego comes into play, which is my head. Okay. And I make decisions sometimes like that that aren't great. And do you get consequences you don't like? Oh, yeah. My intuition, which is my heart. Okay. I think mostly, right? And my mind. Where does your intuition come from? There is a meditation I learned where you develop your heart to develop your intuition. Well, my intuition... You can also have your sixth sense as your intuition. So I have a little bit of some of that. But the two together, oof. Yes. We be flying. Where your heart and your head are together. Do I look crazy? I do. No, you look fabulous. Oh, my gosh. I look insane. This is Kathy. She is Katie. Katie is concerned. Katie Perry is coming out. I really like, honestly, this shot that will be used against me on the Internet for the end of time. Okay. Oh, awesome. Wow. Well, we have this... Katie came right at the end. So this is good because we have to... Katherine has to find her time. Katherine has to find her time to be Katherine because this is Katie's arena. No, this is both. This is both. Okay. This is both. Okay. Because if it was just Katie's arena, you would only see her in small segments not doing this. Okay. You know, not living life fully. Okay. Meaning like you're seeing everything in here in the Witness Worldwide situation and you're not seeing me shower and you're not seeing me use the restroom because nobody needs to see that. Thank you for correcting me. No, it's okay. Because you just evolved and I was holding the old paradigm. No. Where Katherine and Katie were separate. You just went to... I want them to... You just went to a space that that's what we were trying to get and you went there. I want them both to exist. Much to my surprise and I wasn't even aware... You see how you integrated them? Yeah, I stood up for Katherine. You did. She's... Katie Perry and Katherine Hudson, you thought you're getting one pop star, you're getting two now. Okay. It's a two for one. So that means you're going to be... You could be a different configuration now where Katherine is integrated with Katie. More heart. Wow. More heart. Well, we have this practice at our end of our sessions that you are acquainted with the angel cards and you live in that arena anyway. Thank you. As a goddess. So you know the angels. Thank you, teacher. Yes, yes, yes. Angels are all around you. Yes, yes. Thank you very much. So let's see what the angels are going to tell you. The last time I picked this, it was authenticity. So, angels, what shall I learn now? Freedom. Oh, wow. Isn't that appropriate? Freedom to be who you are. I'm a little tearful. The rule is I shouldn't cry more than you. I feel your ecstasy. Thank you. I think we did it. We got somewhere. Yes. Thank you. Thank you, doctor. I appreciate you.