Derp Dillard-DINGLEBERRY-Obscure Lost Vinyl Rare Fantasy GARAGE ROCK Classic Oddball Song & Story

From The Hits From Another Dimension archives:
Derp Dillard was a man with regrets. Derp Dillard was a man with a guitar. These two factors led to this "classic" garage rock composition which touches on these themes.
As a young man, Derp Dillard was a wistful youth. His mom was a homemaker and his dad was banker and member of many local organizations. It was a real "Leave It To Beaver" situation. Derp carried on through primary school as any other well-adjusted youth would during those idyllic times, but that would soon end as he reached the age of....high school. Derp discovered girls as being something other than creations meant to get on a young boy's nerves with their constant giggling and swooning over the faces of their favorite teen magazines. Derp's new frame of mind sent him into a frenzy that would last for several years. He did everything a lad of his time would do. He and a group of his fellow "explorers" started running together, getting in trouble and smoking cheap cigarettes. This new lifestyle was just the recipe they thought. Surely the girls would flock to their "bad boy" tendencies. They were right.
In a whirlwind of youthful excess, young Derp found himself swimming in hedonistic ecstasy for the next several years and even as he barely graduated from high school. He "dated" the hottest chicks and he and his boys even started a band as they finished school and entered the "adult" world. Everything seemed like a rock n' roll dream to Derp. But as the "squares" that once cowered in the face of Derp's crowd "coolness" moved on to college and/or careers, Derp noticed something. All the "chicks" that couldn't get enough of him a couple years before, were all matching up with these guys that Derp's circle of miscreants considered terminal nerds. Derp's "fan club" was shrinking.
This situation sent Derp into a panic. His cocky swagger began to develop a hitch. What happened next was seen by most as a series of desperate attempts that led Derp to the situation that concluded with this song, "Dingleberry". Derp latched on whatever girl would have anything to do with him. At first, he found a couple respectable prospects, but his now damaged self esteem and paranoia found his first foray into "respectable love" ending in heartbreak as she went "steppin' around". In fact, she had a boyfriend who was in college and as soon as he was back home for the summer, she shed Derp like a pair of cheap press-on nails.
Derp's next adventure in love found him taking up with a "high class broad" who had moved to town for a secretarial job at his father's bank. He thought he had it made, she was a nice girl and his parents, who usually didn't approve of ANY of the girls he messed around with, were pleased to see their prodigal son possibly settling down. However, this all came to a screeching halt one day as the girl's parents came to visit her from their home in Georgia. They were "high class" and were horrified to find their daughter keeping the company of a "dirty greaser" like Derp. They were so put off by the situation that they packed up their daughter and her things and moved her back South.
This left Derp devastated and even more desperate.
Now lurking in the "shadows" all this time, watching and waiting, was a girl named Estelle Tidwell. She had been a real self-righteous "square" in high school and had criticized Derp and his buddies antics at every chance. Her constant presence and nosiness during high school had earned her the nickname of "Dingleberry". You see, "Dingleberry" was the daughter of a well-to-do widow there in town and was brought up to believe she was the pinnacle of beauty, intelligence and taste. In reality, she as a frumpy, lazy, self-centered brat who always got what she wanted from "Mommy". These realities worked against her in the dating scene during and after high school, as no guy in town wanted to put up with her....or her mother. But now, just like a spider waiting in the corner of her web, she spied Derp. She knew a wounded bird when she saw one and she moved in for the kill.
One night as Derp was drinking himself into an oblivion at the local hangout, not a girl giving him time, up walked Estelle. It would take at least 24 beers to make her a look acceptable to most males, but Derp had passed that point and then some. And after what most people still consider the most disgusting display of public affection every witnessed, it wasn't long and Estelle had him back to her place. Derp's reputation shot....he gave up.
Estelle now took over Derps life and started molding him into the submissive, wimp he never could have imagined ever becoming.
However, in one last desperate evening, Derp escaped her clutches and recorded this track with his buddies. After that, Derp was a captive to "domestic bliss". This song was his last "cry for help".