Oi Stairman Dan, I'm Going into Town Today. Meet Me at The Imperial Hotel, If You Dare

Oi Stairman Dan, I'm Going into Town Today Meet Me at The Imperial Hotel

Dear punters, today I extend a personal invitation to our criminal ex-Premier, Dan Andrews. You know, the bloke who's become as synonymous with Victoria's lockdowns as a meat pie at the footy. "Oi Stairman Dan," I say, "I'm heading into town today. Meet me at The Imperial Hotel, opposite Parliament House—the scene of so many crimes—for a pint this arvo, on the rooftop beer garden." Don’t worry, Dan, I’ll gladly walk you down the flights of stairs after a few frothies on me.

A Pint and a Chat

Now, let's be clear. We don’t need to talk about all the people you’ve actually "killed" with your draconian mandates during the most brutal and authoritarian COnVID restrictions. Instead, let’s chat about how you got away with murder—literally speaking, of course—during those dark days. This isn’t just a social call; it’s a prelude to my next article on The 13 O'clock News.

The Lockdown Legacy

Remember those days, Dan? The city was a ghost town, and Victorians were prisoners in their own homes. Businesses shut down, mental health plummeted, and people lived in fear—not just of the virus, but of the heavy-handed enforcement of your mandates. We had curfews, travel restrictions, and police patrolling the streets as if we were living in some dystopian novel. The harsh measures you imposed left an indelible mark on our state, and yet, you managed to dodge accountability like a seasoned politician.

The Crime Scene: Parliament House

The Imperial Hotel, conveniently located opposite Parliament House, is the perfect venue for our little rendezvous. It's a place where countless decisions have been made—mostly bad, many questionable. It’s only fitting that we discuss your controversial tenure within shouting distance of the very building where so much of this madness was legislated.

Let’s Talk Accountability

Dan, I’m genuinely curious. How did you manage to get away with it all? The hotel quarantine fiasco, the disproportionate lockdowns, the shooting at children and women peacefully protesting on these very streets, the health system that buckled under pressure—how did you escape unscathed? While you sip your pint, I’d love to hear your version of events and squirm under my questions. Was it sheer luck, political savvy, weak/controlled opposition, or just the ability to divert blame effectively?

A Pint with a Purpose

This isn’t just about a drink and a chat. This is about understanding the man behind the mandates. It's about uncovering the truth and holding power to account. Victorians deserve answers, and who better to provide them than the man himself? So come on, Dan, let’s make this happen. Let's give the people the transparency they deserve—we can livestream it on X.

Reflecting on the Impact

As we sit on that rooftop beer garden, looking out over Melbourne, let’s take a moment to reflect on the impact of your decisions. Families separated, livelihoods destroyed, and freedoms curtailed—all in the name of made-up science and public health. Was it worth it, Dan? Did we achieve the balance between safety and liberty, or did we lose sight of what makes Victoria great? Why did more Victorians die under your reign, than the rest of Australia?

A Toast to the Future

Despite everything, I hold a glimmer of hope. Hope that we can learn from the past and build a better future. One where leaders are accountable, where transparency reigns, and where the voices of ordinary Victorians are heard. So, here’s to you, Dan, standing at the top of the rooftop staircase. Here’s to hoping that our pint together will be more than just a meeting—it’ll be a step towards understanding, change and sweet justice finally.

Final Thoughts

In closing, let’s not forget that the heart of our democracy lies in open dialogue and accountability. Whether you agree with my views or not, the importance of questioning authority and demanding transparency cannot be overstated. So, Dan, I’ll see you at The Imperial. Let’s make this pint cunt, err count cunt.

Cheers,

Senator Papahatziharalambrous

P.S. For my readers, stay tuned for the full story on The 13 O'clock News. It’s going to be one for the books.

One final note Punters:

This article is a call to action, a reminder that we must never become complacent. We must hold our leaders accountable and ensure that our freedoms are never again so easily stripped away. Thank you for your continued support, and let’s keep pushing for a better Victoria. We will continue to call for a Royal Commission into the mishandling of COnVID, until all those responsible are held to account, and imprisoned.