Episode 2233: Saul’s Journey, My Journey Finding Purpose in Change by Nancy

If I had a friend like St. Paul

Most of us know the story of St. Paul; formerly Saul of Tarsus, who persecuted Christians and then on the road to Damascus heard the voice of Jesus and was literally blinded by a heavenly light. Three days later he was miraculously healed by Ananias and he became a devoted follower of Christ and began his mission to spread the word of Jesus to as many people as possible. That’s about as short a version of the story as you can get.

Now imagine being Paul’s friend, or should I say, Saul’s friend. If you’re a friend of Saul’s, chances are you have similar likes and dislikes, you probably share the same beliefs, and support each other as such. You may even share similar backgrounds or upbringing. Saul was born into a well-to-do family and he was educated by Gamaliel, a very well-known and respected rabbi who had a reputation for being one of the greatest teachers in all Judaism. In fact, in the Acts of the Apostles 5:34-40, Gamaliel speaks out on behalf of the apostles. Yet even with the respect that Saul had for his teacher, he ultimately didn’t follow that line of thinking and that in itself is a whole other topic for another episode.

So if you are Saul’s friend, there is a good chance you knew what he was thinking about Jesus being the Messiah and about the new practices of Jesus’ followers. Saul’s personality demonstrated that he was very open in showing his self-righteousness and almost fanaticism in being anti-Christian as a young Pharisee. Again, if you are a friend of Saul’s you know about his mission to literally hunt down those Christians practicing the new faith and bring them back to the truth, even if he had to physically drag them. We know from the Acts of the Apostles 7: 56-59 that Saul was present when St. Stephen, the first martyr, was killed.

“And casting him forth without the city, they stoned him; and the witnesses laid down their garments at the feet of a young man, whose name was Saul. And they stoned Stephen, invoking, and saying: Lord Jesus, receive my spirit. And falling on his knees, he cried with a loud voice, saying: Lord, lay not this sin to their charge. And when he had said this, he fell asleep in the Lord. And Saul was consenting to his death.”

Was this moment a turning point? Was it providential? Was it necessary for Saul to witness the murder of Stephen because it was also a testimony to the deep faith and love that Stephen had for Jesus? Even St. Augustine said that, “had Stephen not prayed, the Church would have never had the great Apostle Paul. For it was Stephen’s prayer that planted the seed which later helped Saul on his path to conversion.” We do know that it is soon after this that Saul experiences the revelation that will forever change his life.

What this all shows us is the strength and determination of Saul in his personal mission prior to his conversion. This was a man of strong conviction, deeply rooted in his beliefs and tradition. To put it plainly, Saul was not a lightweight.

Now as with friends, we know from our own personal experiences that there are some with whom we are always on the same page and some with whom we always don’t see eye to eye - yet there are the ties that bind us, despite our differences, right? Our friends remain our friends through these connections.

Bring on Saul’s conversion. Bring on this life-changing event. Not only did Saul experience this conversion but he chose to separate himself from everyone for three years as we read in Galatians 1: 16-20:

“To reveal his Son in me, that I might preach him among the Gentiles, immediately I condescended not to flesh and blood. Neither went I to Jerusalem, to the apostles who were before me: but I went into Arabia, and again I returned to Damascus. Then, after three years, I went to Jerusalem, to see Peter, and I tarried with him fifteen days. But other of the apostles I saw none, saving James the brother of the Lord. Now the things which I write to you, behold, before God, I lie not.”

Paul went off on his own to do what he needed to do at this time in his life. Something powerful had happened, his life changed in the blink of an eye; yet he didn’t just jump into the next thing, rather he knew he needed time. Time, perhaps to process the magnitude of the conversion, but most definitely to learn more about this new and true faith that had now become his life’s new mission.

Pope Benedict XVI said in an address about St. Paul’s conversion that it, “was not the result of a development of thought or reflection, but the fruit of divine intervention, an unforeseeable, divine grace.”

Now there is so much more we could discuss regarding Paul’s conversion but I think that deserves separate attention from what I’m addressing here. For example, Paul being struck blind and being in that state for three days is just one aspect of his conversion that begs for more discussion.

Rather I go back to St. Paul and his new mission and how he changed. So now we have this new Paul; Saul is no longer.

Again, how providential that his former missionary journeys would give him the knowledge and flexibility to make him the important and critical instrument for teaching Christ’s gospel to the world. Because this is what he has become.

How is he now viewed by his friends? To keep it simple, this man has done a 180. Instead of hunting down Christians to persecute them, he is now gathering them to teach the new faith. He then continues his mission by writing letters to these same people he has taught to let them know they are not forgotten; he encourages them with his writings that are loving yet strong and tells them what they must do to live like Christ.

This is where I re-insert the title of this episode - If I had a friend like St. Paul. I am asking you to humor me here because this is where I want to draw my analogy. First, let me make myself clear that I am IN NO WAY COMPARING MYSELF OR MY SITUATION TO THAT OF ST. PAUL’S.

Paul’s conversion was Divine intervention; Jesus spoke to him on that road, surrounded him with light, caused his blindness and led him to one of the greatest conversions we have ever known.

My conversion happened gradually and is still happening. I have spoken openly about how the death of my husband changed my life and changed me; how it caused me to seek change which in turn, led me back to a prayer life, going back to church, discovering the traditional Latin Mass and the traditional Catholic faith. I have learned so much more about Catholicism, the Church, and about our faith pre and post Vatican II. This latest chapter in my life, centered around faith and prayer, didn’t begin until about a year ago. Bottom line - I say again that my life is different now and so am I. So how do my friends and family see me now? I can tell that they don’t know what to make of me. Which causes me to wonder what they’ve been thinking these past four years. I can’t blame them because I’m not sure how I would be. But I do have people close to me who have gone through extreme change in their lives and I have learned to empathize and respect what people choose to do.

At my age, which is 60, I still feel that I owe people an explanation for what I am doing, experiencing and feeling in my life and I don’t like feeling this way. I also have been blessed to meet new people and gain new friends and not many of us at an older age get to make new friends that make an impact on your life. So I go back to Paul. I’m sure he didn’t feel like he owed anyone an explanation for his conversion and new mission in life.

You’re probably thinking that this is a very self-serving episode by me and yes, I admit, it is. But I appreciate the opportunity to voice my experience here because it is, very providentially, a part of this journey.

I look at it this way. As I mentioned earlier, I am not comparing myself to Paul, just making a connection. I wanted to emphasize and reaffirm the power and magnitude of Saul’s conversion and what it did to him, so that I could say that, like Paul, my life has been changed forever.

To my friends and family - We all know my life changed drastically four years ago. Going through the grief process I was struck with the realization that my life was missing something and a year ago I had a spiritual reawakening. I am different to you because I have made visible room for God in my life. I am doing things that are filling time; time that used to be free or empty but that time is filling me up in ways that I need, that my soul needs. My love for you has not changed and it never will. My love for God has grown and I am learning to listen more so that I can better serve Him. I’m not a Jesus freak, I’m not a Holy Roller - I’m still Nancy - only now I’m Nancy with a renewed purpose, a renewed faith, and a renewed mission. You can ask me about it and I promise I won’t give you a sermon, I won’t be “holier than thou” nor will I try to convert you. But I will tell you all the beautiful ways in which my life has changed and how I know that it is God’s providence that has led me to where I am and will continue to take me where I should be. I invite you to be a part of this new journey of mine in any way that you can.

Funny - why is it that like the topic of death, religion is so hard to talk about - even with friends and family?

Back to my title. If I had a friend like St. Paul I don’t know what I would do. If I dare bring his conversion down to my level just so that I could try to understand, if I were a close friend I would want to ask him, “What happened to you?!”

So now that I set the stage, get ready for my entire series on Paul but I had to start where it started with me.

Walts Follow-Up Comments

Comment 1: Personal Reflection and Connection
I found this podcast episode deeply moving, especially how you connected St. Paul's dramatic conversion to your own life experiences. It’s incredible to think about how profound changes, whether sudden like Paul's or gradual like yours, can completely reshape our paths and perspectives. Your honesty about your spiritual journey is refreshing and inspiring. It's a reminder that faith and personal growth are ongoing processes, and that it’s okay to embrace these changes and share them with others.

Comment 2: The Power of Transformation
The discussion about St. Paul's transformation from a persecutor of Christians to one of the most influential apostles is a powerful testament to the possibility of redemption and change. It really made me think about the people in my life who have undergone significant changes and how important it is to support them through their journeys. Your analogy between your own life changes and Paul’s conversion helped me see how personal transformations, no matter the scale, can have a profound impact on one's mission and relationships.

Comment 3: Navigating Changes in Faith
I appreciate your vulnerability in discussing how your renewed faith has affected your relationships. It’s challenging when those around us don’t fully understand the changes we’re going through, but your approach of inviting them to be part of your journey without pressuring them is so thoughtful. It’s a delicate balance to maintain, and your insights offer a great example of how to navigate these changes with grace and openness.

Comment 4: On Divine Intervention and Personal Growth
Pope Benedict XVI’s comment about Paul’s conversion being an act of divine grace seems to have really resonated with you. It’s interesting to consider how some moments in your life that you feel like they’re guided by a higher power, steering you towards a path you might not have considered otherwise. Your story shows that personal growth and change can often feel divinely inspired, even if they unfold gradually over time. It’s a beautiful reminder that our journeys are unique and meant to be shared.

Comment 5: Embracing New Missions
The idea that Paul’s past experiences equipped him for his future mission is such an encouraging thought. It highlights that nothing in our lives is wasted; everything can be used for a greater purpose. Your own story of finding new purpose after a life-changing event reinforces this message. It’s empowering to think that we can all find new missions in life, even when we least expect them, and that these missions can bring us closer to our true selves and to others.

Comment 6: Discussing Faith Openly
I agree that discussing faith, much like discussing death, can be difficult even with close friends and family. Your podcast creates a space for these conversations, encouraging us to talk about our spiritual lives more openly. It’s comforting to know that it’s okay to express our faith journeys and invite our loved ones to understand and support us. Thank you for sharing your experiences so candidly and for prompting us to think about how we can communicate our own spiritual changes.

Comment 7: Anticipation for Future Episodes
I’m really looking forward to your series on St. Paul. This introduction has set an interesting stage for deeper exploration into his life and teachings. Your personal connection to his story adds a unique and relatable perspective. Can’t wait to hear more about how St. Paul's journey can inspire and teach us in our own lives.

Keep up the great work! Can you do me a favor with your new series? Go out and convert somebody.