Apatros Review Ep-0075: Parasitic [2012]

AR-0075: Remember that prequel to John Carpenter's masterpiece "The Thing" that came out in 2011 that most people hated? Well I saw it when it came out and I found it to be a solid attempt to explain what the hell happened to that Norwegian outpost before The Alien B@$tard of Antarctica got to MacReady and his crew. It wasn't perfect and the studio should not have interfered with the surprisingly good practical effects by supplanting them with CGI, but for what it tried to do, it did a good job storywise. But that is a story for another time...

Here we have an el cheapo homebrew version of The Thing, made on the side by one of the VFX techies who did the original practical effects on that prequel that got futzed with. Released DTV [direct-to-video] in 2012, this has The Thing's redneck cousin arrive on Earth through an asteroid that crashes into the sea off the Florida coast, infects a fish, which gets caught and turned into 🍣, sold to a nasty nightclub manager with a chest that looks like it was blown up with a bicycle pump connected through the nipples, who then has this lucky alien b@$tard sprout his manhood right above her beach balls, possessing her and turning her into a zombie that prowls the bowels of the nightclub while only wearing her panties and nothing else, her massive knockers out to lure her victims in...

This unholy beast of a movie is utter garbage fit only for a laugh by hardcore Bad Movie Masochists although the monster effects are actually quite good and without question the only worthy thing about this meth-addicted 🦃 of a movie.

My Grade: D- [Atrocious]

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