Take Another's Man

The “Goat Rope Playhouse” portion of this sketch was inspired by Toni Basil’s 1981 hit song “Mickey,” though the song is actually a cover of “Kitty,” which was performed in 1979 by a British band named Racey. Confused? Not to worry. Stand aside and let the two fearless, dauntless and nameless heroines of this sketch (whom once upon a time we thought were named Toni and Kitty) untangle the Kitty Racey Mickey Toni goat rope for you.

The Story So Far caption: It looks like we were in error with regard to Ms. Bodine’s yodelin’ prowess (Jethro’s ma from The Beverly Hillbillies). Turns out that that wasn’t really her yodeling. It was actually by Lucille Starr, a country music singer and a very good yodeler who deliberately yodeled bad. Don’t worry, Pearl, we won’t tell. Ya still got yer singin’ and pie-ann-ee playin’.

Kitty: “TONI!!! WILL YOU PUT DOWN THAT MILLIE MONTAG SMART PHONE AND TAKE OFF THOSE GEORGE BERGERON MENTAL HANDICAP EAR BUDS AND LISTEN TO ME?!!”

The “Millie Montag smart phone” is a reference to Mildred “Millie” Montag, the wife of firefighter Gut Montag in Ray Bradbury’s “Fahrenheit 451” Millie spends her whole life taking pills and watching screens telling her how right she is (much like Dr. Kim’s viewers; more on that later). According to a 2017 interview with Mr. Bradbury, the novel is really more about addiction to technology than it is about censorship (although admittedly Bradbury does appear to switch back and forth between the two over the years). Nevertheless, it appears to us here at CoBaD that half of the message of this great book is lost these days for self-centered reasons. The media (and social media for that matter) only focus on the censorship bit and discard the rest because if they admit that “Fahrenheit 451” is also about the “proliferation of mass media in America” (Weller, 2018), you’d instantly throw away your cell phone in disgust and therefore would never look at their revenue-generating clickbait podcasts and articles on censorship.

The “George Bergeron mental handicap ear buds” is a reference to one of our favorites, Kurt Vonnegut’s classic dystopian science fiction short story “Harrison Bergeron” (1961). In the story, all men and women are truly equal: beautiful women wear masks so they can’t be more beautiful than everyone else and dancers and athletes wear weights around their ankles to keep them from leaping higher or running faster than everyone else. George, Harrison’s father, is forced to wear “mental handicap ear phones” because he is of above average intelligence, and the ear-splitting noises that are piped through his ear phones every 30 seconds keep him from thinking.

So Mr. Bradbury and Mr. Vonnegut predicted a dystopian future where mankind would all have picture windows (smart phones, big screen TVs, tablets, laptops) tuned into stations that tell us how right and wonderful we are (cable news networks like Fox, CNN, MSNBC or social media platforms like Facebook, YouTube or Rumble) and would have ear phones (buds) that generate random noises (like podcasts and crappy music) that reduce our intelligence. Looks like the only thing they got wrong was the name of the devices.

Voiceover: “Racey has since reunited, only to undergo mitosis again a short time later.” - After the band Racey broke up in 1985, they reformed in the early 1990s, but as two bands: “Racey” (with original members Phil Fursdon, Clive Wilson and Pete Miller), and “Racey featuring Richard Gower” (with original member Richard Gower). We understand band members argue and have their differences but we here at CoBaD think it’s a rather nonsensical solution to split a band into two bands with each band calling itself “Racey” (not as nonsensical as slicing the band into pieces with a freakin’ sword, mind you, but it’s close). We think that that solution just created confusion and only succeeded in splintering their fan base, setting fans against each another arguing over which band was better.

Voiceover: “Goat Rope Playhouse wasn’t (but should have been) a Gordian Knot Production in partnership with Slice It To Pieces With My Freakin’ Sword Solutions.” - A reference to Arrian’s story on how the Gordian knot got its name, a phrase nowadays used for a seemingly unsolvable problem solved by brute force (although several historians dispute this popular story).

Voiceover: “The once again two bands, ‘Racey’ and ‘Racey Featuring Richard Gower,’ were this year’s fictional recipients of the highly fabricated and marginally coveted Barry Wom Hairdresser Award for their outstanding contributions to the world of duality.” – Named, of course, in honor of Barry Wom, the drummer for The Rutles. The award’s name is in reference to his famous quote from the mockumentary “All You Need is Cash” (1978), “I’d like to be a hairdresser…or two…I’d like to be two hairdressers.”

Voiceover: “The Barry Wom Hairdresser Award was presented by The Dr. Kim Ivermectin Show.”

The Dr. Kim Ivermectin Show promo pokes fun at podcasters/livestreamers who are highly critical of some suspect meds yet give others a free pass. One of these was a podcaster whom we initially admired for giving very telling reports about the COVID vaccine, claiming that research suggests that the vaccine, which was inadequately tested before being rushed out on to the market, has in fact produced serious side effects (we here at CoBaD are nerdy types; we love research). However, we were very disappointed to see during another one of her podcasts when she broke from a story to give a word from one of her sponsors; a company that manufacturers CBD anti-anxiety gummies, or as we call flippantly them “happy hempy hippie pills.” We believe CBD, like the COVID vaccine, is a medicine that is unproven (it’s only been legal since 2018) and can produce serious side effects. The podcaster clearly doesn’t see it that way. The way she described these happy pills, she made them sound like they were some magical cure-all. “Take a pill and chase those blues (and your liver) away!” She fails to realize that anytime you create an impression of something being an anti-anxiety treatment in a bottle it will only lead to addiction; an addiction like alcoholism, like Millie Montag with her sleeping pills or like soma in “Aldous Huxley’s “Brave New World.”

While we here at CoBaD do not know if she plugged Ivermectin on her show, the second podcaster who inspired Dr. Kim did in fact blatantly steer individuals from the vaccine to Ivermectin. Unlike CBD, Ivermetcin actually has a history; it has been around since the 1980s, but was designed to treat parasites in humans, and has yet to be found clinically effective in treating COVID-19. It is worth noting that neither of the aforementioned podcasters has a medical degree or license. It also doesn’t put our minds at ease that the social media platform on which they live stream their shows heavily advertises (pushes?) Ivermectin as well.

As our announcer Mr. Jimothy Pajama-Bottoms noted, Dr. Kim is trying to steer us clear of unproven meds haphazardly cobbled together to ward off a deadly virus, then when she goes to commercial, she steers us towards her sponsor’s unproven meds haphazardly cobbled together to ward off a deadly virus. And, as a troupe member of ours pointed out, according to WebMD, the drug’s side effects (headache, dizziness, muscle pain, nausea and diarrhea) are very similar to the symptoms he experienced when he himself caught the COVID virus. So by taking Ivermectin, one theoretically could end up “catching” COVID twice, once without the virus and once with it.

Unfortunately, it’s a case of history repeating itself; only the names have changed. “Trusted” voices (doctors and podcasters) abuse their trust by being persuaded (i.e., paid) by the private sector (the pharmaceutical industry and podcast sponsors) to push an unproven medication (the COVID vaccine, CBD and Ivermectin) onto an anxious and (because they are anxious, very vulnerable and susceptible to deceit) populace.

In summary, the aforementioned podcasters (like Dr. Kim) are steering their listeners away from one danger and potentially leading them into another, and are doing so for their own benefit. The only difference between the doctors and the podcasters is the name of their “sponsors.” The podcasters are really no better than the money-grubbing doctors they so detest. They aren’t in fact any better than the Iagos mentioned in the “Beowulf and Cheap Clothing” sketch. How do get a grateful bleat from a fleeced sheep? When you’ve saved him from an alleged slaughter….

It reminds us of the memorable exchange between Otter and Boon in the movie “National Lampoon’s Animal House” (1978):

Otter: “He can't do that to our pledges.”
Boon: “Only WE can do that to our pledges.”

Voiceover: “CoBaD’s presentation of ‘Take Another’s Man’ has been underwritten by the law offices of Acca, Dacca, Macca, Cheese and Onions.” – Refers to Acca Dacca (the Australian nickname for the rock band AC/DC), Macca (the nickname for Paul McCartney) and “Cheese and Onions” (a song by the aforementioned Rutles, who were a parody of the now mentioned Beatles, of which the aforementioned Paul McCartney was a member). And just to show you how much they appreciate you sticking around to hear the end of their name, ADMC&O will throw in a free initial serving of macca cheese with no obligation (peas sold separately, carrots not included). We think Macca would approve; after all, he’s a vegetarian.

Voiceover: “We can take down that send up of yours and turn it into humor so original and so imaginative that no one at Second City or Saturday night live will ever so much as raise a smile. Guaranteed to bring the house up and lower the roof or their money back.” - Not that great of a deal when you think about it. Say you pay ACMC&O 3,000 dollars for their services to refurbish your material into something original. If ADMC&O is right, then when you present it at either Second City or Saturday night Live, it will flop, and you’ll never get asked back. So you’ll likely break even. If, however, ADMC&O fails in their revamping of your humor and you “bring down the house” and “raise the roof,” then you get Second City and SNL’s “money back” in the form of box office revenues from “held over performances” and “re-hosts,” and get asked to appear on other unimaginative platforms like late night talkshows, sitcoms and movies. So while you’re still out the $3,000 you gave to ADMC&O, you’ve clearly made your money back and then some. Personally we here at CoBaD would rather take the loss in revenue than the loss in dignity. You can’t write off a loss in dignity on your taxes.

References:
Andrews, E. (25 August 2023). What Was the Gordian knot? History.com. https://www.history.com/news/what-was-the-gordian-knot

Bradbury, R. (1953). Fahrenheit 451. Ballantine Books.

COVID-19 Treatment Guidelines Panel. Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19) Treatment Guidelines. National Institutes of Health. Available at https://www.covid19treatmentguidelines.nih.gov/. Accessed 20 May 2024.

Huxley, A. (1932). Brave New World. Chatto & Windus

Idle, E. and Weis, G. (Director). (1978). All you need is cash (The Rutles). Broadway Video. [I said “Idle/Weis,” not “Edelweiss,” smart ass! Does this look like “The Sound of Music” to you?!]

Landis, J. (Director). (1978). Animal house. [Film]. Universal Pictures.

Open Culture. (10 August 2017). Ray Bradbury reveals the true meaning of Fahrenheit 451: It’s not about censorship but people being turned into morons by TV. https://www.openculture.com/2017/08/ray-bradbury-reveals-the-true-meaning-of-fahrenheit-451.html#comments

Piping Press. (21 March 2022). Be a better piper: Learning canntaireachd, the piper’s language. https://pipingpress.com/2022/03/21/be-a-better-piper-learning-canntaireachd-the-pipers-language/

Reis, G. et al. (30 March 2022). Effect of early treatment with Ivermectin among patients with Covid-19. New England Journal of Medicine. Vol. 386, No. 18. Effect of Early Treatment with Ivermectin among Patients with Covid-19 | New England Journal of Medicine (nejm.org)

Vonnegut, K. (1961). Harrison Bergeron. First published in The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction.

WebMD. Health benefits of CBD. https://www.webmd.com/diet/health-benefits-cbd

WebMD. Ivermectin Oral: Uses, Side Effects, Interactions, Pictures, Warnings & Dosing. Ivermectin Oral: Uses, Side Effects, Interactions, Pictures, Warnings & Dosing - WebMD

Weller, S. (08 November 2018) Did Ray Bradbury do a 180 on Fahrenheit 451? Dallas Morning News. Originally posted on April 12, 2013. https://www.dallasnews.com/arts-entertainment/books/2018/11/08/did-ray-bradbury-do-a-180-on-fahrenheit-451/

Wikipedia. Gordian Knot. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gordian_Knot

Wikipedia. Mickey (Toni Basil song) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mickey_(Toni_Basil_song)

Wikipedia. Racey. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Racey

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Convulsions of Birth and Death (CoBaD) is a comedy sketch troupe founded in September, 2022 that posts skits on social media covering varied topics such as music, history, art, science, sports, literature and events encountered in everyday life. The title was inspired by Henry David Thoreau’s “Civil Disobedience” (1849), an essay written as a protest against the U.S. government taking his “gift” (i.e., his taxes), and wasting it in ways in which he did not approve (e.g., war and slavery). CoBaD writes sketches in the spirit of Thoreau, but instead of strictly casting its nets outwards towards governments and figures of authority, it projects its protest inwards by taking a humorous, lightheaded look at humanity and specifically those who take the greatest gift of all, life, and senselessly and stupidly waste it on greed, narcissism, self-centeredness, petty-mindedness, arrogance, opportunism, power-grabbing, quid pro quo, the status quo, ulterior motives, and the most despicable waste of all, taking medical advice from social media podcasters and livestreamers.