My Tinder Date goes Harsh After sleeping together

My Tinder Date Sent A Harsh Message After Sleeping Together
My Tinder Date Sent A Harsh Message After Sleeping Together

This happened On news years day. On Nye I went out to the city with a friend to watch the fire works. Before taking the train home I call “L”. I met him on tinder around 3 weeks ago and we went on a date once at this food place. The date seemed to go well since L asked me to hang out again the next day. I didn’t dislike L. I personally thought he was nice but he was the type to eat like toddler. While on the date he used his hands to scoop up rice on his fork and was talking with his mouth full, etc. I pointed it out and teased him about it because I’m the type to value manners. After that date we would speak on ft and text.

That night I called L, he asked me to come over after his Nye party was finished. It was around 3am when he came to pick me up. When we get to his place we start watching a show in his living room. After a bit we start making out and he pulling off my pants and his, it’s not that I wasn’t into him. But I tell him I won’t sleep with him without a condom. He starts making excuses and says that he doesn’t have any diseases and his “pull out game was strong” and “I’ll get you a plan b right after”.

I tell him at least five times that I wasn’t comfortable with having raw sex. He continues to pry so I just kinda shut down and lay still. On our first date I had already informed him about how I wasn’t really looking for a random hookup, so I felt like what we were doing was rushed. I was unhappy with it so I got unaroused and asked him for a break, but he kept on going even after I was too dry for it to even go in. By the time he was done it was getting late. (6am). He tells me to “get the fuck up” and sends me money for an Uber.

He starts rushing me to call it while I’m trying to find my phone While he’s completely distant on his phone, flexing in the mirror and laughing at people’s snap stories. He tells me I should send my location to one of my friends since I’m taking an Uber late before I leave. I rush off and don’t give him a goodbye hug or anything. Not even before I get home he sends me this

“Since we bein rude ig might as well be brutally honest. Ur weird as fuck frr only even saw u anotha time cuz I invested $ into u alr. No one wants to be arnd someone who criticizes for minor things so stop doing that shi. Ur socially akward as fuck and it shows so clearly so u rlly got no right to say anything to anyone else. Get a grip weirdo byeee”

After reading this I had a complete breakdown. I’m still in a dissociative state. The money he “invested” was around 35 dollars for our meals combined when we went on our first date. He was the first to ask me to hang out usually so I thought he at least liked me but I was wrong. So wrong and it hurts a lot. It hurts to the point I’m driving myself crazy replaying the night in my head. I wake up and I cry and Ive been taking Benadryl just to sleep.

I feel like before the New year even started for me it was taken away. I had so much planned for myself but now I can’t even get out of bed to brush and wash. I blame myself for this. I talked to my therapist about and and she said that I should’ve been more stern and I should’ve pulled my pants back on when he started taking them off and should’ve just left immediately. I should’ve been stronger. I just don’t know anymore. I just want to forget everything.

*****

Hi all, I appreciate all the kind words and encouragement. It’s a big reason on why I decided to go get a rape kit done today. I saw a comment who said I could gather the evidence and then have it stored till I’m ready to press charges. I’m not quite there yet but it’s a step towards it.

I’m not sure if I will go through with the charges though. When I was at the hospital, I showed one of the nurses the messages he sent and she started cackling saying He can’t even spell and I should text him in a month saying I’m prego to scare him. It would’ve been funny but it was way too soon. Though the comments about the guys spelling is funny, we are part of the younger generation so using a lot of abbreviations is common.

I believe his spelling was atrocious in that text because he sent it so quickly and was writing nonsense. For those asking about why I would go over at 3am and expect for nothing to happen, I personally knew it was a possibility, but I didn’t think that he would push my boundaries and take advantage. It’s not something i can predict. I agree that he sent that message to absolve himself of guilt and to shame me. Before I even got home he had blocked me on all socials.

About my therapist, I think she didn’t mean any harm. Actually I’m not exactly sure. Maybe she’s just disappointed I didn’t fight back hard enough and didn’t advocate for myself. Her words did hurt to hear. I’ve always struggled in certain situations advocating for myself but recently I felt as if I was doing a better job.

I think I should try and press charges. Thank you guys for the kind words. It really pulled me out of bed.
*****

A few things I want to clarify:

1. Even though he had lacked of manners I teased him for it, not in a rude way just like “wow I’m gonna have to teach you some manners one of these days” “while I’m around your gonna have to learn some manners” etc.

2. This is the first time he texted like that. He’s been polite and literate until now

3. I didn’t just sit down and let everything happen the whole time, I pushed his private part away, but he placed it right back. Not in the beginning tho, that’s when I froze.

4. I didn’t feel too scared about going to his home super late because his mother and sister were present in the house. Which is why I didn’t yell or scream, I was embarrassed that his family would hear.

5. For more context I just turned 19 and he’s around the same age as me.

6. I didn’t leave immediately because it was hard for me to process what was going on.

7. I didn’t see many red flags that night. My guard was completely down when we started watching the show. This malicious behavior came out of nowhere without prompt. At least that’s what it seems like to me.