Storytime My Baby Daddy Is A Clown

A companion article offers tips for being a good co-parent, addressing the “positive” side of the equation – what steps you can take to help your custody case. This article focuses on the opposite – avoid the negative acts that will peg you as a bad co-parent in the eyes of the family law judge. Even if they feel “right” at the time, just don’t do it.

It happens to the best of parents – frustration levels rise, and after taking whatever indignities the other parent has been throwing at you for months, you finally give back as good (or bad!) as you get. And by doing so, you’ve taken a step towards becoming a bad co-parent, something that will later hurt your child custody case.

The other parent is a narcissist, evil, an abuser, etc – why is it bad co-parenting to fight back? I have had multiple cases where a custody evaluator found domestic abuse by one parent, but then “dinged” the victim spouse for bitterness and hatred, and for alienating the children from the abuser.

It’s not about whether it’s fair to blame the victim (it’s not fair!). But a family law judge has to look out for the children’s best interests, and not turn a blind eye to bad acts by a parent with a grudge, no matter how justified or understandable that grudge may be.

I am a parent, but not a co-parenting expert. Having said that, trust me when I tell you that your children will thank you later if you don’t use co-parenting to retaliate against the other parent. There are plenty of mental health and parenting professionals who can explain the very real and positive psychological impact on children of being a good co-parent (e.g. Psychology Today or the Urban Institute).

This article does not delve into how bad co-parenting is harmful to the children – instead, it’s a practical primer on bad behavior to avoid at all costs from a law firm which has seen first-hand the self-inflicted harm they cause in hundreds of child custody cases. There are better ways to deal with a toxic parent on the other side than to retaliate with parenting.

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