British fire chief implodes arguing she is racist, but not racist

A British fire department has a quintessentially 21st century racism problem: it is simultaneously racist and not racist. British MP Lee Anderson, who recently quit the ruling Conservative party, was quizzing Rebecca Knox, Chair of the Dorset & Wiltshire Fire and Rescue Authority, on a recent report that she signed off on a statement that condemned her department as ‘institutionally racist.’ Anderson asked if she could provide any examples of white people being given advantages in her department, to which she replied that she knew of none, and certainly ‘would hope none.’ Upon hearing the excellent news that her institution was free of racism, Anderson quite calmly asked, ‘then how can it be institutionally racist?’

You see, claiming that her department is not racist would be racist, because denying racism is a form of racism. But claiming it is racist would also be racist, because being racist is also a form of racism. This Schrödinger’s Racism requires that everything is simultaneously both racist and not racist, providing you don’t ever actually observe it or think about it. With the quantum racism wavefunction collapsing around her, you can actually pinpoint the second when her brain rips in half.

‘Um, I’m sorry, I might have to get back to you.’ (Spoiler alert: she did not).

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