for Daniel may you rest in peace

on February 19th my nephew the first born of my sister passed away in his sleep from multiple organ failure. you will be buried the day before my mother's birthday. I have been numb enraged and angry with God. has he not given the Wojtal family enough death to last them more than lifetime? I thought as long as I make it past 53 we're good. I just turned 53 in September. he broke the rules. you're not supposed to take a man at 37 years old before he's had a wife some children old age you're not supposed to think. just when I thought that we were safe I forgot about our kids. one never wants to think of their child dying let alone one of your nieces or nephews. you always want to imagine them as old having lived many a decade. it has been a long time since I've had a death this close. it always seems to be okay when they're older than you but not when they are younger. you remember seeing them grow up. you feel them kick in the womb and grow and then you welcome them in and you love them and you'll do anything for them. you would go as far as to kill in order to protect them. and as you get in your older years you still look at them even though they've gotten in there here as kids. I hate the cruel joke that God puts on us. you bring him into this world created of love if you love them and it grows. and then they review or them from you. it doesn't matter who goes you're apart.
just saying goes is it better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all. I don't know. just both hurt. that's all I can tell you. it just sucks. should have what I could have but you didn't. I will live by those words no more. cutting them off doesn't ease the pain. keeping your distance does no good for the soul. so I'm here to tell you that we need to forgive to be more empathetic and to never lose touch with our roots. I don't care if they annoy you drive you crazy you hate the sound of their voice you cannot forgive them for what they've done. you need to because if you don't you're left with a forever hole. the kind of stays in your heart even in the afterlife. there are words left unsetic and never be said again so save them now. there's always a way to say it more kindly but honestly. and there's always a reason why. some of the reasons why you will not get an answer too while alive. because that would make you a god and we must remember we must always remember that we are not God's. but his creation. but I have this to say God? if you suffered the same loss by giving your only son to be crucified Enterprise three days later and deserve your right hand by your right side that tells me you share my pain. but that means you gave me my pain. so I'm asking you please stop with the pain. just please stop. this family has had enough. and I don't care if we're not the strongest I don't need to be. we don't need to be. I'm telling you I can handle no more so if anyone is to go. please let it be me. I have done my job here on her I can do it no more. but I will wait for you to call me right now I'm begging you to please bring me a whole. I want my mommy

Daniel Joseph feliciano
born May 12, 1986
Died February 19 202⁴

"you're so fucking cool Aunt Mair!"

"that's High praise kid! I love you too!"