JAG Convicts Oprah Winfrey, Sentences to Death

The U.S. Navy Judge Advocate General’s Corps and Office of Military Commissions last week convicted Oprah Winfrey of accessory to mass murder and ultimately decreed that she get hanged by the neck until dead for abetting Deep State criminals and contributing to malicious loss of life during last summer’s Maui inferno.

As reported previously, JAG investigators apprehended Winfrey on December 3, 2023, while she was in Los Angeles to visit friend and fellow television personality Gayle King, a broadcast journalist for CBS News. She had missed her appointment with King because investigators had intercepted her limousine near a museum near Interstate 405, and the vehicle’s other occupant, Winfrey’s personal chauffer and valet, was tragically gunned down while reaching in his breast pocket for “presidential immunity” paperwork investigators had mistaken for a firearm.

Shortly after that, JAG shipped Winfrey to Guantanamo Bay, where they held her in pretrial confinement until the commencement of her military tribunal last Tuesday, February 6.

The Winfrey who wobbled into GITMO’s south courtroom Tuesday morning was a sickly reflection of the slenderer body double currently masquerading as Oprah in media appearances, a point Vice Admiral Darse E. Crandall commented on when a belligerent and winded Winfrey protested the “illegal tribunal” and said that her fawning fans and friends would notice her societal absence and search the planet to find her.

“This may surprise you, detainee Winfrey, but no one knows you’re gone. See, they replaced you with a skinny—well, not skinny but a skinnier Oprah Winfrey almost right away and even coached your replacement on how to explain the weight difference—a miraculous diet. Your fans are dolt, detainee Winfrey, and highly susceptible to suggestion. In the end, even you were little more than a useful but expendable asset,” the admiral said as a pair of MPs steered Winfrey to an oversized seat at the defense table.

“I have powerful friends,” Winfrey said.

“Who? Barack and Michael? Looks like even they couldn’t spring you,” the admiral said.

“You’ll get no help from me,” Winfrey shouted. “I won’t be a party to incriminating myself.”

“You’ve done that already,” Adm. Crandall replied. “We neither need nor want your help. Your arrogance, blind allegiance, and unscrupulous greed built our case. All we need is for you to sit and stay quiet until we’re finished, and if you can’t keep quiet, we’ll make you quiet.”

Admiral Crandall then told a 3-officer panel JAG had evidence proving that Winfrey had foreknowledge about the unstoppable blaze that reduced Lahaina to mounds of ash last August, a catastrophe that purportedly began when a strong high-pressure system north of Hawaii intensified easterly trade winds that toppled utility poles and power lines that hadn’t been de-energized beforehand. In the aftermath, Hawaii Electric took responsibility for the deadliest “wildfire” in U.S. history.

“We’ve all heard the official narrative, and refuting it plays no part in detainee Winfrey’s tribunal today, because, frankly, we can’t prove she knows the cause—exotic technology. She might not know because she didn’t need to know. But she sure knew a disaster loomed on the horizon and stood to profit massively from it, depraved indifference be damned,” the admiral said to the panel.

Onto a large screen he projected text messages Winfrey had deleted from her phone, but which Marine Corps Forces Cyberspace Command had recovered. The first, dated July 15, 2023, two weeks before the fires, was from Hawaii Governor Josh Green.

“Oprah, an event will soon forever change the Maui landscape. We believe your property is in the safe zone, but it would be prudent to protect it against what’s to come,” Green had written.

Winfrey, apparently clueless until that point, replied: “Really? I haven’t seen anything in the weather. I have flood insurance and [the property] is built to code for typhoons,” she replied.

“No, you’re not getting it. Oprah, we’ve been years-long friends. I was told I could count on your cooperation. We’re only letting a few people know, eyes only. Remember the Smart City ideas? That’s a go. Maui has to change for that to happen. Just in case, fireproof your property, relocate irreplaceable valuables, and be somewhere else starting the second week of next month. Can we count on your backing? The ROI will be profitable,” Green wrote.

“Better yet, don’t reply. Delete this. I’ll come see personally,” Green added in a follow-up.

“I don’t care if those people burn or get washed out to sea. A lot are just dirty people anyway,” Winfrey replied before wiping the message chain.

Imprudent curiosity, however, prompted her to seek clarification from the shemale Michael Robinson, also known as Michelle Obama. The admiral avoided speculating why Winfrey thought the Obamas were privy to an impending disaster but pointedly remarked on Michelle/Michael’s response to Winfrey’s inquiry.

“O, we’re making a new future. What’s rebuilt in Maui will become a blueprint for future cities nationwide. There’ll be some residual mess to clean up, but it’ll almost be like terraforming. And you and me and a handful of others will have equity in a future where people won’t have to worry about what to do since they’ll be guided on what to do,” Mrs. Obama texted.

“I have 3 billion dollars, so what do I stand to gain?” Winfrey texted back.

“Potentially 30 billion dollars,” came the reply.

“30bn? Count me in. For that much, if my house there burns, idgaf,” wrote Winfrey.

“No, hon, they’ll need to borrow your home for a bit. I’ll arrange more details in a day or so,” Mrs. Obama wrote.

On August 1, Winfrey departed Maui for the mainland, and a Federal Emergency Management Agency team disguised as contractors started reinforcing her 4,300-square-foot residence with fire-retardant silicone and coating her nearly 1,000 acres of land with what Vice Adm. Crandall called “invisible fire block spray.” He played surveillance video showing 16 men in coveralls, some wearing respirators, spraying a guesthouse with a prismatic liquid emanating from high-pressure hoses affixed to 50-gallon drums mounted on the beds of a fleet of pickup trucks. The admiral paused the video and zoomed in on what appeared to be the crew’s foreman.

“That man is known to us,” the admiral addressed the panel. “That is FEMA Region 5 Deputy Director Michael Chesney, current whereabouts unknown. I can’t testify to Mr. Chesney’s hobbies, but I’m pretty sure he wasn’t just moonlighting far from his jurisdiction as a contractor.”

“Where did you get this video?” Oprah suddenly sprang to life. “You were illegally spying on my property?”

“How we got it is not your concern, detainee Winfrey. That we have it at all should be your concern,” Adm. Crandall said.

“But I disabled all cameras before leaving,” Winfrey said.

“That’s an odd thing to do, isn’t it? I assure you what you’re seeing here isn’t from your security system or doorbell footage,” said the admiral.

He resumed the video. It clearly showed that FEMA was vested in safeguarding Winfrey’s property. Each day before the fire, FEMA applied a fresh coat of the fire-resistant compound. And on August 8, as Lahaina burned and flames illuminated and licked the sky, throngs of armed FEMA agents sat comfortably in Winfrey’s air-conditioned living room between assaults on a stunned populace trying to flee the inescapable firestorm.

“She loaned her house to FEMA as an operating base,” the admiral told the panel. “She’s just as culpable as the agents that gunned down civilians. It’s no different than if she pulled triggers herself, because she could’ve acted to save lives. Instead, detainee Winfrey, a devotee of the Deep State, abetted FEMA’s murderous actions, causing unimaginable despair. Why? For some people even having four billion bucks isn’t enough. Money is a powerful motivator to these people.”

“They made me do it!” Oprah cried out. “I’m nothing but meat to them. I was afraid.”

The admiral told Winfrey she had squandered an opportunity to divorce herself from the Deep State, from FEMA, from the Obamas, and therefore would share the same caliginous fate as other Deep Staters that valued wealth and power over constitutional law. He concluded his denunciation by asking the panel to find Winfrey guilty of accessory to mass murder and conspiracy to commit mass murder and return a sentence of death by hanging.

A four-hour deliberation ensued, after which the panel returned a verdict of “guilty on all charges” and recommended that Oprah’s neck be placed in a noose. Admiral Crandall scheduled a date of execution for February 14.

Real Raw News is awaiting an update on the sentencing.