JAG Sentences Ukrainian “Gangsters” to Death

The United States Navy Judge Advocate General’s Corps at Camp Blaz, Guam, jointly convicted on Friday two Ukrainian officials for conspiring with the criminal Biden regime to steal billions of U.S. taxpayer dollars.

As reported on November 15, U.S. Special Forces arrested Ukraine presidential aide Andriy Yermak and Economy Minister Yulia Svyrydenko outside a Virginia facsimile of the White House Diplomatic Reception Room, where the twosome had concluded a meeting with an Antony Blinken imposter. Their arrest was based partly on financial documentation showing that Yermak and Svyrydenko had received a combined 7.2 billion dollars from the late Janet Yellen.

At trial, Rear Admiral Johnathon T. Stephens, leading the prosecution, introduced new evidence: $20, $50, and $100 U.S. currency engraving plates and metallic and color-shifting inks used to mint United States currency, found in the trunks of their limousines at the time of their arrest. The admiral argued that the defendants intended to abscond with the equipment to Ukraine.

“Not only has the illegal administration given Ukraine vastly more aid than it claims, and we’re learning about more almost every day, but it certainly appears they’re now providing the Zelenskyy regime with tools to mint unlimited amounts of U.S. currency. If they got away with the inks and plates and then got their hands on a printing press and proper blended paper, which, for all we know, they might already have, then they could print and print and print—devaluing the American dollar further,” the admiral said, addressing three Marine Corps officers whom JAG had empaneled to hear the case.

The defendants’ JAG-appointed counsel, a diminutive fellow who looked and talked like Ben Shapiro, said his clients had no knowledge of the evidence and that either Special Forces or Antony Blinken’s people must have planted it in the vehicles. The defendants must have felt meditative, fit for nothing but placid staring at the admiral and, occasionally, the officers tasked with deciding their fate. Their wrists and ankles were shackled to anchor points on the defense table and the floor. They gazed about the courtroom pacifically—a sharp departure from Deep State theatrics. Yermak whispered a few hasty words in the lawyer’s ear.

Admiral Stephens interrupted their chat. “If you plan to accuse decorated soldiers of crime, you’d better have compelling proof, and this tribunal hasn’t seen a shred. As far as Blinken’s people, they didn’t plant—they gave. If you can produce Mr. Blinken today, we’ll hear his testimony. If not, it’s your clients’ day to face the music, and it’s resonating loudly. The engraving plates and ink were found in vehicles the defendants had. That’s an indisputable fact.”

“With respect, Admiral Stephens, that fact should never have been allowed to be entered into evidence at all because my clients were under the protection of diplomatic immunity at the time of their arrest, and because of that, all searches and seizers were unlawful and should be considered poisonous fruit,” the defense counsel said in a single breath, “and to not do so would seriously call into question the authenticity of these proceedings.”

“Diplomatic immunity issued by whom?” asked Admiral Stephens.

“According to my clients, it was given by Antony Blinken and President Biden,” said the defense lawyer.

Admiral Stephens narrowed his eyes. “You do realize, don’t you, that neither JAG nor the Office of Military Commissions recognizes those people as having any authority.”

“Yes, sir, I do. I am compelled to defend my clients to the best of my ability, which is their defense regarding their alleged crimes,” the defense counsel replied.

“We reject their diplomatic immunity. Did they also have some weird, oblique type of immunity allowing them to receive over seven billion dollars from the Treasury Department, wired to them by Janet Yellen?”

“It’s true, my clients did receive those funds. However, they have no idea why Yellen wired it. No one is saying my clients are saints; they just happened to be the fortunate beneficiaries of money that came their way and, well, decided to keep it. As foreigners, they had no impetus to report or return it,” the defense lawyer said.

“So, this is their defense against charges of espionage, defrauding the United States, and illegal possession of U.S. government property?”

“I have nothing else to offer, Admiral Stephens, and I had informed my clients this trial wouldn’t rule in their favor,” the defense lawyer said.

“I’m sure they appreciate your expert litigation,” the admiral said with a touch of sarcasm. “We ask the panel to deliberate the charges and reach a verdict.”

The lead panelist, a Marine Lt. Colonel, said neither he nor his co-panelists needed even a minute to arrive at a verdict. “Admiral Stephens, sir, we unanimously find these gangsters guilty of all charges and hope they are given a death sentence.”

“You’ll get no rebuttal from me there,” said Admiral Stephens.

He scheduled Yermak and Svyrydenko to be hanged on January 9.

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