Mr. Roberts’ Pronoun Neighborhood

Setting: A quirky, colorful version of Mr. Roberts’ living room, with an absurdly large chalkboard filled with pronouns.

Characters:

• Mr. Roberts (a parody of Mr. Rogers)
• Neighbor Nancy (over-enthusiastic neighbor)
• Tommy (a confused kid)
• Officer Oopsy (a comically inept ‘Pronoun Police’ officer)

[Mr. Rodger enters, singing]

Mr. Rodger: ♪ It’s a beautiful day in the Pronoun-hood, a beautiful day to get understood. ♪

[Sits down, facing the camera]

Mr. Roberts: Hello, neighbors! Today in our neighborhood, we’re diving into the delightful world of pronouns!

[Points to the chalkboard, which is comically overloaded with pronouns]

Mr. Roberts: See, kids, using the right pronoun isn’t just polite, it’s a rollercoaster ride of linguistic legality!

[Neighbor Nancy bursts in, overly excited]

Neighbor Nancy: Hi, Mr. Roberts! I just learned a new pronoun: “Zie”! And I can’t wait to learn the other 59!

[Tommy walks in, looking bewildered]

Tommy: I just called my cat “she” instead of “xe.” Am I going to pronoun jail?

[Cue Officer Oopsy clumsily entering]

Officer Oopsy: Not to worry, young citizen! But remember, in this neighborhood, a mispronoun can land you in a timeout!

Mr. Roberts: Let’s practice! We’ll start with “he,” “she,” “they,” “xe,” “zie,” “hir,” “ey,” “per,” “ve,” “tey,” “e,” “thon,” “fae,” “ae”…

[The list comically continues as Mr. Roberts points to each pronoun with a long stick. Neighbor Nancy tries to keep up, repeating each one, increasingly confused.]

Neighbor Nancy: “He… she… they… x-ze… zir… what was after ‘they’ again?”

Tommy: [Whispering] I’m just going to call everyone “dude.”

Officer Oopsy: [Tripping over a stack of pronoun books] Remember, folks, it’s all about respect! But keeping up is half the fun!

Mr. Roberts: And if you ever get confused, just use a person’s name – it’s the one pronoun that never goes out of style!

Neighbor Nancy: So, if I call everyone “Mr. Roberts,” I’m safe?

Mr. Roberts: Well, that might get a bit confusing…

[Everyone laughs. Officer Oopsy accidentally handcuffs himself to the chalkboard.]

Mr. Roberts: Remember, neighbors, in our Pronoun-hood, it’s okay to make mistakes, as long as you try your best. So, keep practicing, and don’t worry – the Pronoun Police are here to help, not to put you in timeout!

[They all wave goodbye]

Mr. Roberts: ♪ Tomorrow, tomorrow, we’ll learn some more, in our Pronoun-hood. ♪

[End Scene]

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