How to Fake Being Sick

Pulling a Ferris Bueller is easier than you think—if you plan ahead.

Step 1: Commit this list to memory ...
Commit this list to memory: a fever of 100 degrees or more, vomiting, diarrhea, earache, and sore throat. Doctors say these are valid reasons to miss school, so what parent would disagree?

Step 2: Keep a log
Keep a log of dates and excuses so you can prevent patterns from developing.

Tip
Never brag about missing days over the phone, e-mail or IM. You never know when your communications might be intercepted by an adult.

Step 3: Fake onset of symptoms
Become skilled at faking the onset of symptoms. Digestive ailments generally occur suddenly, while other maladies begin presenting themselves the night before.

Tip
Lay the necessary groundwork—at dinner, mention how scratchy your throat is and don’t eat a thing, especially dessert!

Step 4: Make fake vomit
If necessary, pull out the big guns. Broken cornflakes mixed with a little water make an excellent stand-in for vomit.

Step 5: Fake your temperature
If your parents demand further proof, drink hot liquids before taking your temperature to produce a false reading.

Step 6: Enjoy your success
Congratulations! Your mom ordered you to stay home. When you sneak out, make sure you’re back before anyone notices you’re missing.

Did You Know?
An estimated 150,000 young people, usually in their late teens or early twenties, are diagnosed with infectious mononucleosis each year.