Invisible Wounds Healing from Trauma: Episode 41: Reflections on This Past Year

Hey there, it’s Kerri. Thank you so much for joining me on this latest episode of Invisible Wounds: Healing from Trauma. This is episode 41, and I’m going to take a little bit of time for a reflective moment or two with this one!

I’m so glad that we’re walking the path towards healing together!

So just a quick reminder, I’m not a clinician, counselor, or physician. I’m a Certified Trauma and Resiliency Life Coach, a Certified Trauma Support Specialist, Advocate, and someone with lots of lived experience with trauma. Also, the information presented in this podcast is for educational purposes only and not meant to replace treatment by a doctor or any other licensed professional.

All right let’s dive in!

So reflections…..I turn 60 on Monday November 13th, and this has felt pretty “big” to me. Typically my birthdays haven’t been a big deal. I think turning 40 made me stop a bit. But the fact that I was turning 60 hit me about 5 months ago.

This past year has been absolutely amazing in so many ways. I mean in December of last year, I didn’t have an organization, a website, a podcast, nothing! I have learned so many new things this year, things I never thought I would be able to get this ol’ brain damaged lady to learn! But learn I did, step by step the way I always talk to you about!

The age thing for me has a few components, marked by some of the traumas in my life. For many years, my time was marked by certain things I needed to get past. For example, my little sister passed away suddenly at 6 years old. I was terrified (irrationally of course) that my children wouldn’t be “safe” until each of them reached 7 years old. Once they passed 6 safely, I was more reassured.

For me, getting through 52 was a moment. My mom died at 52, and even though she had major chronic and complex health issues, I was (irrationally again) afraid I wouldn’t make it past 52! I did of course!

I did an interview earlier this year with Carrie Bower on her series Visible Women which looks at women and aging, how they feel about it and what concerns them regarding it. I hadn’t thought much about it until then. But as I looked at my life and what I’d gone through, some pretty significant things came up.

First of all there was the childhood trauma piece. I have this video posted to my website and it’s Dr. Nadine Burke-Harris who is the Founder of the Center for Youth Wellness and is the current Surgeon General of California. Her Ted Talk entitled “How Childhood Trauma Affects Health Across A Lifetime” was eye opening for me. She talks about the Adverse Childhood Experiences Questionnaire or ACES and what that means. Out of 10 questions, every yes gets a point. 4 or more is considered high, my score is an 8. What struck me the most was the fact that those with a high ACES score could potentially have their life expectancy cut by 20 years! That was a bit sobering.

Then there are the effects I have due to my burst brain aneurysm and Traumatic Brain Injury. This brings up for me the possibility of Dementia, Alzheimer’s, and Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy or CTE. According to the Alzheimer’s Association, research has indicated that those with moderate to severe Traumatic Brain Injury have in increased risk of cognitive decline or dementia. The key studies showing an increased risk found that older adults with a history of moderate TBI had a 2.3 times greater risk of developing Alzheimer's than seniors with no history of head injury. Those with a history of severe TBI had a 4.5 times greater risk. Another sobering thought.

CTE is a progressive and fatal brain disease associated with repeated Traumatic Brain Injuries. The only way to diagnose it is to examine the brain after death. There currently is no diagnostic test available to find it in the living. This is another concern for me.

I worry more about what my children will have to deal with. After all, if I’m not aware what’s happening, I won’t know. But my children will. What will they have to deal with? What will they do with me? I laugh and tell my son who lives close to me here in Phoenix that he “gets” me when I’m older, but what kind of a burden will that be for him?

On the flip side of this coin is the fact that in spite of all I’ve been through, I’ve survived, I’m still here. Every day that I wake up, I practice my gratitude routine. I am extraordinarily grateful for every moment. When I’m struggling ( as we all do) I bring my thoughts around to that fact. I take my moments as gracefully as I can, and think about all I’ve done, and all I’ve learned. I am so very fortunate to be able to do what I’m doing, helping others, and learning how to spread my wings at 60! It really goes to show that it doesn’t matter how old you are as long as you never stop learning, growing, expanding your horizons. Don’t ever stop being open to new ideas and...