THE ORIGINAL UNMEDICATED KARLOVEMA TELEVISION SESSIONS

These two videos (which were recorded back-to-back on the same day in 2009) show me unmedicated against my mental illnesses, which include Bi-Polar Disorder, Schizo-Affective Disorder and General Anxiety Disorder.

This video is the result of me having built a gothic theatrical set in the tiny bathroom of my Manhattan apartment as a temporary recluse from the noise and general busyness of New York City.

I found these videos by happenstance 14 years later in 2023 (after having never watched them); and when I did finally watch them, it was a sad experience in some ways; and yet, it was also very clear that I was entirely off my medication and completely vulnerable to my mental illnesses.

However, in spite of that, I do have a clear memory of having filmed these videos and of the state of mind I was in at the time. In particular, I remember the vulnerability and the general madness of what my life was like (because, as the story goes, at one point, very suddenly my insurance wouldn't pay for my medications, and I became "raw" to the world all around me.) Yes, you see me smoking pot, steadily. You see me taking Valerian Root. You see me lost to my insanity and to my natural chemical and psychological states; which, at the very least, is plainly not sane. I wasn't physically dangerous to anyone; but I was deeply vulnerable to my mental illnesses and definitely pre-occupied with moving my life closer to The Divine Lights of Jesus Christ.

As of today, 14 years later, I take 4 medications daily and am in a relatively sane state-of-mind. Things in my life are much better than they were. While in New York City in 2018, I starred in an Off-Broadway musical called "Captain Filthy Fred" and even worked as an "Extra" in several TV shows and in the ever-popular JOKER movie starring Joaquin Phoenix. These days, I work a regular job and reliably attend to all my responsibilities, which includes leading a weekly prayer meeting at my church . . .

But more than anything else, what you see here is 100% honest, it's real and it serves as a reminder to me of how far I've come since making these revealing recordings. May God forgive me for the madness that I embraced so fervently for such a long time.

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