‘Cosmic event’ turns out to be just a hole on a beach

Charlie Wallace was enjoying the recent heatwave on the beach in the way only men will understand: digging a giant hole, because men love to dig giant holes on beaches and then look at them. His great work complete, Wallace and his mate left the beach to enjoy the last remnants of summer in the pub with the lads if his Instagram account is anything to go by.

And then came the astrophysicist.

Dave Kennedy was taking a walk on the beach four days later and discovered the great beach hole. Rather than thinking ‘your man’s dug a feckin’ great hole,’ he instead turned his gaze towards a wayward rock in the hole – small but heavy, smooth, with the appearance of burn marks.
Seconds later, he was on the phone to a local news channel, claiming to have found the ‘aftermath of a cosmic event.’ The resulting news piece claimed that a comet had struck the beach, sparking a minor influx of tourists to see the Great Crater of Portmarnock.
Kennedy himself waxed lyrical about the rock, claiming that he could determine the trajectory from the burn marks on the rock, and that he’d watched a ‘documentary from NASA’ that showed a crater just like it. Tourists marveled, even claiming that they’d walked past it and thought it was just a hole someone dug on the beach.

Despite being told that it was actually the product of two bored men with a children’s shovel, and not a chance meeting of Heaven and Earth, Kennedy is still hoping to get the rock tested.

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