costs of masculinity, cost of past sins

what do you meme, on men we have a problem!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppBFDAY8D8I

to re-iterate, there was a single night where I got terrified that I was somehow a terrible incarnation of god who screws up the world for my personal amusement, which terrified me because I couldn't even pray to god in case that was just me, this is not the norm for me, but it was triggered by some friends' telling me these things alongside the "you'll want to punch us in 20 years time" phrase they told me, so for one night I was terrified I was god and shirking my duties to incarnate as a person, or something like a complete jerk of a god, because I mean, look at the state of the world

the moral choice was "do I stay alive and let my allotted time as "god"/cosmic dungeon master end so that the next person can have their turn, or do I try to off myself and restart the cycle again?"

given my default question when god grumbles at me is "should I end myself bodily and go with you to heaven?" and a previous snide remark to the faithful was a rhetorical trick designed to stump them that ends with "I'm god and as god I say there is no god" it makes sense that such an insane scenario pop up as punishment fitting both issues

luckily the next morning god was like pfffft yeah totally got you bro! you did okay