Nobody's Buying the Phony-Baloney White House Cocaine Investigation Bit

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After an extensive investigation, the Secret Service has been unable to determine who brought cocaine into the White House, according to three officials familiar with the case who spoke to NBC News. Despite conducting thorough forensic and video examinations, no usable evidence has been found to identify the individual responsible.

The investigation was prompted by the discovery of a small plastic bag containing a powdered substance in a storage cubby at the White House on a Sunday evening earlier this month. The substance was subjected to advanced testing and analyzed at two federal laboratories, but no fingerprints or DNA that could be used for investigative purposes were detected.

On Wednesday, the Secret Service received the results of tests conducted by the FBI. However, the analysis failed to yield latent fingerprints, and the DNA present was deemed insufficient for comparison. In addition to forensic analysis, security camera footage was thoroughly reviewed. Unfortunately, the agency reported that no surveillance video provided any leads for the investigation.

The absence of physical evidence has brought the investigation to a standstill. Despite exhaustive efforts, the Secret Service has reached a dead end in their quest to solve the mystery of who brought cocaine into the White House.

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