3 Wise Men from the East

Former Army Top Spy Suggests New Cause for Adverse Outcomes in COVID-19 Pandemic

[FOB FREEDOM, July 10, 2023] Any station? Any station? Do you read? Over.

Reporting live from the world’s newest banana republic, . . .

“Jesus, you’re killing me.” No. Really. According to a recent “preprint” from a former biological warfare planner and the most junior commissioned officer to have ever served as the operations officer for all U.S. Army strategic counterintelligence, an observational case study review of three infection cases in the Commonwealth of Virginia suggests that the farther a person had been from God the higher their probability of avoiding adverse outcomes that have been attributed to a novel coronavirus of an etiology quite singular.

“I had considered including Pastor Howard John Wesley, the Senior Pastor of the Alfred Street Baptist Church in our study, but, by age, he is too young to have been in the age cohort under examination, i.e., age 65 and above, but perhaps we can locate some other member of the clergy who had declared himself nonessential and had announced before pandemic how he had felt distant from God and had to ‘take care of me’, as he said. Still, the results are quite stunning from these three, randomly selected subjects. My good friend Don Beyer was age 70 when he had, during a pandemic declaration, invited guests over for a dinner party, in a town where the mayor had even hosted a two thousand participant parade, and lo and behold, you know how pandemic means that a disease is everywhere? Well, Not Afraid to Burn in Hell Don Beyer had entertained an infected person in his home, who apparently had failed to infect anyone who had attended with his highly contagious disease, of report, and, hence, fully capable of setting off a super spreader event. And I have to bring this up with Doctor Anthony Fauci and Ralph Northam to see if they concur, and may soon get the opportunity to have them deposed in our litigation regarding the infection of my former pastor, Don Davidson, who, sadly, retired after catching COVID-19 in January 2021, but only a mild case, at age 67, with cardiovascular disease, which had a 13.2% increased risk of fatal outcomes. And, of course that stroke after getting the vaccines was apparently just how much he could bear, and he threw in the towel, as apparently the pandemic hiatus of declaring himself nonessential wasn’t enough to refresh those creative juices. And then you have God Bigger Than a Dreaded Coronavirus Bishop Glenn, age 66, with no comorbidity factors, and he’s dead, buried and forgotten. Ashes to ashes and dust to dust. Life goes on,” explained Major Mike Webb, who hopes after Wednesday to begin pretrial conference in his mandamus to compel a grand jury, with the opportunity to begin discovery and identify potential witnesses.

“Of course, I have a few great pandemic pen pals, but some, like Bruce Aylward and George Gao are out of country, and we may be able still to obtain some affidavits. But we need to subpoena Pastor Don, of course, the Gravesons, Fauci, Kristian Andersen, Ralph Baric, Eddie Holmes, and maybe even Michael Worobey. I am really looking into cracking this nut that apparently has divided the Intelligence Community, baffled the scientists and for which we all lost something, even though it may have been different for everyone. But we are gonna put Old Town on the map. It may become the mecca for science tourism, providing a little competition for Councilman John Chapman’s slave tour,” stated Webb.

“Councilman Chapman had apparently chartered a bus to Petersburg, in search of a nearby HBCU to provide a satellite campus, apparently unaware that he need only take the Metro to Howard, and who knows where his tourist customers wind up looking for the slave history in Alexandria? Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip that started from these tropic ports, aboard a mighty ship, right? Hey, I guarantee old Chapman, who may have a reputation of being late will get you back before we declare another imaginary holiday,” said Webb with confidence.

Like Sir Richard “Dickey” Dearlove, the former MI6 Director, Webb, a former army top spy, has floated several theories regarding the origins, including a collision with a gay man expressing his sexual freedom, as well as an alien origin, keeping an open mind, and in an abundance of caution, to avert the pandemic next time. Of note, Webb had attempted to enjoin the Alexandria Mayor and former Virginia Governor from encouraging gay men to celebrate La Vie Boheme in a pandemic that finds gay men with a nine percent case fatality rate—even higher than persons in The Sudan—and in July, immediately after Pride Month, there was a breakthrough infections outbreak in which, according to the CDC, one gay man had infected almost a thousand fully vaccinated gay men, a tragedy that could have been avoided had they been as proactive as the former biological warfare planner who had expressed doubts that a vaccine prepared with no knowledge of infectious dose could possibly be one hundred percent effective against infections.

Note: grandiosity is a classic sign of bipolar disorder, and we don't want to hurt his feelings lest he go to “that place”, so familiar to Arlington Public School Board Member, Latina Cristina Torres-Diaz.

Chim-chimera. Chim-chimera. Chim-chim-cherry. A pandemic agent as lucky can be. Chim-chimera. Chim-chimera. Chim-chim--achoo. The luck'll rub off when I bump fists with you. Or blow me a kiss, and catch COVID-2.

Your elected representative is called your elected representative for a reason; and Martin Luther King and Jesus never got elected.

And let’s get ready to RUMBLE! https://rumble.com/vp2uk1-attorneys-need-not-apply-you-have-the-right-to-remain-silent.html.