Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny | 1-minute review

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Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny opens with the Disney logo and at first I thought I was in the wrong theater. But then I remembered, oh yeaaaaa, Disney bought Lucas film and Lucas film is more than just Star Wars.

I gotta say overall, this movie is not bad. But it’s like teaching your grandma how to drive a car again after her latest stroke: it’s far from the greatest ride of your life, and in the end you’re just glad she pulled it off without killing herself or anyone else.

I’m willing to bet you won’t hate this movie, in fact you might love parts of it, like when your dementia-ridden grandma has a sudden moment of clarity and it feels like old times again, but then that’s overtaken by the shiny shimmering disni-fication of the whole thing, like when your grandma gets plastic surgery in her face and she looks like some inhuman ghoulish freakazoid, an odd and unnatural mixture of young and old that highlights her inability to give up the past. But you weigh that against the alternative, the one where she no longer exists at all and you figure, okay, this is fine, I’d rather have more days with her than none, but if she makes one shitty movie and we gotta start buying diapers she’s gonna eat pillow.

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