The Surprising Truth About What Women Really Want

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Breaking down the BONDS:

Sean Connery: The Classy Bond
This is the guy who set the tone from whence all Bondness flows, because first and foremost James Bond is a classy f*cking dude. The way he dresses, the way he carries himself, the way he beds the lady folk, all stemming first and foremost from a sense of class. He knows all the right wines and whiskeys and a little about everything else, and he’ll gladly have a pleasant sit down dinner or a round of golf with his enemy before brutally putting them in the ground.

George Lazenby: The Brazen Bond
Lazenby is bold, and it was this boldness that got him the role in the first place. The guy throws everything he has into every punch, and has terrific physicality throughout his film. He also shamelessly throws himself at every woman he meets, even if it will cost him the mission. The dude is gutsy, fierce, and brutal in everything he does.

Roger Moore: The Charming Bond
Roger approaches every situation with a wink and a nod and an eye roll or two or three, consistently delivering sarcasm to friend and foe alike. His greatest weapon is his sense of humor, which he utilizes to both pump women for information, and to disarm his enemies before reaping their souls.

Timothy Dalton: The Sentimental Bond
Stoicism be damned, our resident THESPIAN ACTOR, Timothy Dalton is always feeling something whether it be intense pain and anguish or affectionate fondness. He certainly brings a level of humanity to the role, consistently motivated by bloody revenge and doing the right thing.

Pierce Brosnan: The Smooth Bond
This man is the personification of butter. Pierce can deliver the comedy of Moore just as easily as the cruelty of Connery, and he does so with the smoothness of a greased up cue ball. Every line delivered with that trademark ASMR sexiness with more clicks and pops than a vinyl record. Every physical movement executed with such ease it’s like an angel skating on cream, just gorgeous.

Daniel Craig: The Badass Bond
Now here comes Mr. six-pack. James Bond has always been a fighter, but now he’s a UFC bar brawler. Maybe you’ve called Bond a badass before, but never like this. Everything the guy says or does is badass. The way he stands is badass. The way he sits is badass. The way he sits while being tortured is badass. Every time he opens his mouth all that comes out is badass sh*t.

All of these men exhibit all of the traits of the other Bonds. Connery can be as smooth as Pierce. Dalton can be as charming as Roger. Craig can be as brazen as Lazenby. But it is these specific attributes that each of them champion that prevent me from ever landing on a singular greatest Bond because they’re each so great in their own way. They all rock a specific Bond trait that added up is the totality of the whole James Bond character pie. Every time I try to land on one of them as the GOAT, I remember how the others are just as great when judged by other strengths and factors.

Because after all, James Bond is classy, brazen, charming, a smooth operator who is sentimental when it’s the right thing to do but badass when it counts. And just as Ian Fleming described him, each man is capable of intense cruelty, and this is what makes 007 exciting. The reason men want to be him and women want to be with him stems from this excitement, because he is a killer, but he’s a killer with a keen sense of right and wrong, of good and evil. He is a good man, not because he is meek and polite and nice, but because he is capable of intense cruelty, but reserves his cruel actions for evil men who hurt the innocent.

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*EON Productions Limited and Danjaq LLC are wholly owned and controlled by the Wilson/Broccoli family. Danjaq is the US based company that co-owns, with Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios, the copyright to the existing James Bond films and controls the right to produce future James Bond films. EON Productions, an affiliate of Danjaq, is the UK based production company that makes the James Bond films and together with Danjaq controls all worldwide merchandising.

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